


The Despair Tango

by LaDragonaria



Series: Adios, Despair! [1]
Category: Dangan Ronpa, Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Relationships, Eventual Smut, Hurt/Comfort, I was going to say everyone's alive and nothing hurts but that's not completely true, Kink Meme, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Safe Sane and Consensual, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, episode 11 destroyed me emotionally but I'm here to force a happy ending as a way to cope
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-21
Updated: 2016-09-30
Packaged: 2018-08-16 14:24:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 31
Words: 50,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8105842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LaDragonaria/pseuds/LaDragonaria
Summary: The Killing Game that claimed the lives of many of the Future Foundation members is at an end, thanks to Sakakura Juzo. He nearly died preventing more lives from being taken. As Sakakura is on the mend, the reconciliation between himself and Munakata can now begin. As the two of them try to overcome the trauma of the incident, something else begins to develop between the two...





	1. "I could die for Munakata"

**Author's Note:**

> **NOTE: I would like to apologize to people I made uncomfortable with some of the scenes (particularly those with Fukawa). I realized too late that there were people who were uncomfortable with it after I had already gotten much, much farther in the fic series itself, but if I could, I would go back and heavily edit scenes like that, or make a point of having other characters chime in and call that out.**
> 
> **Like I said, I realized it too late but I’m doing my best to write newer scenes that address some of that more directly and I plan on going back and cutting out the more offensive parts as I can and reworking some of the chapters to remove things like that entirely. My intention wasn't to be mean, it was me attempting humor to deflate a rather bleak situation, and add levity to a fic that could be quite dark. But the intention doesn't really matter if people are hurt by the things I write. I would hope that you can consider this my reason, but certainly not an excuse for it.**
> 
> **And I can say that in all of my more recent fics and chapters, I’m much more cognizant of it and I’m avoiding treating them (Sakakura and also Munakata) that way.**
> 
> **It wasn’t my intention to make anyone uncomfortable, but I’m fully aware I made mistakes writing that way, and I’m trying to correct it as much as I can in the future, but for now I'm leaving this note here until I can get in to edit things more thoroughly.**
> 
> \- - - 
> 
> Smut will follow in later chapters but I'll be sure to mark those with a note.
> 
> This is part of a kink meme I'm fulfilling:
> 
> "Sakakura survives the events of Future. Somehow or another he and Munakata end up together. And eventually they get married. Hakagure officiates the wedding, because why not?
> 
> Then of course they consummate the marriage and both of them finally get the happy ending they deserve. Okay, I would prefer NSFW but it isn't mandatory. If you do tho, bottom!Sakakura please."
> 
> https://kinkyronpa.dreamwidth.org/1278.html?thread=2814#cmt2814
> 
> Because I can't physically stop myself from being so long-winded it might take a while but spoiler alert, they fall in love and get married in later chapters so...

After pulling the lever down, he felt an amazing surge of energy. Even with the lightheadedness. Even with the way blood pooled around him. He pushed back the graying around the edges and moved forward. Another lever to pull.

He steadied himself, hoping he wouldn’t slip in his own blood. It was so hard to move and think and he was sure if he slipped, he wouldn’t be able to get back up... at least not easily.

If it’s for him, he thought, then it’s fine.

“I want you to live...” His mind was working through thoughts slower. The pain had turned numb and cold, which wasn’t a great sign, he knew, but it was better than being in absolute agony.

_It’s alright if I’m not alive. If he’s there, this world... will be full of hope. It’s okay if he doesn’t trust me... I believe in him. I’ll do what I can for him. Everything... for him._

Ah, that was an honest thought, he considered with a smile. How long had he let his own fear of rejection and revulsion cloud his thoughts?

Munakata would live. That was his hope.

The cruel words that Enoshima had said, the way the mindless reserve students laughed at him, the way he’d been forced to beg, the guilt, the pain, the sorrow... The despair. It all fell away.

 

“Will this... make him happy?” He mumbled, half-incoherent trying to pull down the lever with his one good hand. “Please live... For me... No more despair...”

Consciousness whited out.

The dull sensations washed in around him, drowning everything else out. He could swear he heard Munakata speaking to him. Something... He hoped it wasn’t sad. He didn’t smile enough. He knew that.

_“...akura... akakura..!! ...zo...”_

Words he could only half hear. Barely aware of movement. If this was how it ended, it was fine. He’d be able to meet Munakata in the afterlife someday, and there would be no regrets.

_“...osing... uch blood... Ca... ear us? Sakakura?”_

“...Mu... nakata...” He murmured. “...m sorry... all... could have... stop... it all.”

“Sakakura!”

“...sn’t... strong... ‘nough.”

_“...mura’s drug! ...e can still...! ...till time! Give it to him!”_

“Munakata... live...”

 

~ ~ ~

 

He had no idea where he was. There wasn’t sound or anything to see, exactly. Just a feeling of floating, gently rocked. Something holding him.

“Sakakura!” This time he heard the voice, an echo that rolled down like a train going by. The feminine chipper voice he hadn’t heard in...

“Yukizome...?” He said, or thought he said. Maybe it was just a thought.

“What are you doing?”

“I...”

“He needs you!”

“I tried... I...!”

“You can’t die like this. He still needs you.”

“Yukizome... It’s... It’s hard.”

“Well, yeah! But... Listen. You... You really love him don’t you?”

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay... You deserve to be happy. And so does he.”

“But he... loves you.”

“Well... I’m... dead. And you’re not.”

“I’m not?”

“Not if you don’t want to be.”

“I... It’s wrong. It...”

“Who says?” The voice laughed. “The world ended, remember? You... can’t let them control you. You can’t let HER control you. Not anymore.”

“I should have been able to save you. I’m... I’m so sorry... He needs you.”

“Sakakura.” The voice seemed to be consoling him now. “I think, if you had the opportunity and knowing what you know now, you would have been able to stand up to her. But... you couldn’t save me. I was beyond saving.”

“That’s...”

“I don’t need you to feel bad for me. I don’t want that. I want you to be happy. Even if we were rivals in love, we’re still friends, right?”

“Friends...?”

“That’s right. So I need you to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and keep going. Okay? Do it for him. You two... Need each other. Just be yourself, Sakakura.”

“Yukizome?”

The voice was being carried away from him, as if on the wind.

“Just be yourself! You’ll be fine.”

 

~ ~ ~

 

“Doctor, we’re getting a spike in-”

“Yukizome!” Sakakura shot up, pulling at some equipment as he did. The world flooded into a bleary room. The cries of several shocked nurses and doctors 

“Hold him still!”

“He’s... strong!”

“Get the sedative. Now!” Someone barked an order.

Things scrambled in the background as Sakakura began to thrash, eager to stand, eager to move. But hands pressed into him and held him down.

“Yukizome! Munakata!!” He bellowed like a wounded animal, which wasn’t far from the truth. His vision began to swim. Had he been injected or... the IV drip...?

Thoughts all blurred together, but not like last time. This felt like... Where was Munakata?! If he went to sleep, the attacker would be... would...

 

“The blood loss was severe. He’s lucky he didn’t die.”

“Will he be alright?” Munakata had asked. He was being fussed over for his own injuries. The eye in particular.

“The missing limb aside, the other injuries alone were-”

“Will he be alright?” Now it was a demand, not a question.

“We don’t know. We’re doing the best we can. But he... he’s fighting sedation. He needs to rest and heal. He’ll also need to be given more transfusions, especially to close up his arm. We’ll need to operate on his other wounds as well. If he fights through the anesthesia...”

“It’s unsurprising. Do what you need to. I’ll be there if need be.”

“But you yourself need medical attention!”

“Right now, he’s the more serious concern.” Munakata looked away. “I cast him aside once. This is my fault. I won’t turn away from him again.”

 

~ ~ ~

_“Your forbidden love is for Yukizome Chisa! No... that isn’t it. It’s Munakata Kyosuke, right?!”_

The malicious cheery voice announces, only it’s warped and wrong. Not like... when it happened but...

The cheery voice says it over and over again in his mind. Dark images swirl in his mind.

Betraying Munakata, agreeing to Enoshima’s demands, fear, loathing, disgust... tragedy, death... like a macabre slideshow and always with that voice saying it over and over.

Anger flushing through him hot and cold at the same time.

“Just be yourself. You’ll be fine.”

Yukizome’s voice booms through the despairingly long list of mistakes he’s made.

“Yuki... zome...” He mutters, not sure if she can hear him.

“Live.”

 ~ ~ ~

“He’s waking up...!”

“Sakakura!” Munakata is the first one at his side as Sakakura’s hands grip at sheets and eyes flutter open unfocused. “Sakakura, it’s me!”

“Mu... nakata...”

“Sakakura. I’m... I’m so sorry.” It isn’t an easy thing to communicate in so few words. The feeling of how close he’d been to losing him. “You saved us... You saved all of us... I’m... so sorry. I...”

“You’re... okay?”

“Y-Yeah.”

“It... was my fault.” Sakakura isn’t sure if it’s a dream, or purgatory, or some kind of miracle. At this point, it isn’t important. “I tried to... make up for it... I’m sorry.”

“I don’t... understand.”

“Yukizome... she said she’d die for you. I was... She would do anything... But I only thought about me...” Now Sakakura is crying and so is Munakata. “Did I help...? Was I... useful to you?”

“You still are. Just hang in there.”

“His vitals are dropping again. We... We need to get him into surgery!”

“Sakakura! You need to hold on! The doctors are going to help. Let them do what they need to do.” The doctors were already wheeling him away. Was that helpful at all? What did he think he could accomplish just by some choice words? “...You need to live!”


	2. A Hope That Floats

The days in the hospital are blurs of hazy dreams and medicine-induced delirium. The faces of everyone - Enoshima, the Remnants of Despair, the Future Foundation... Yukizome, Munakata... they all flood Sakakura’s mind at odd intervals.

He still can’t shake the nightmares when he sleeps. With the medicine, they’re blurrier, but when he sleeps naturally he always wakes up with a start and immediately tries to run.

Munakata is the one who usually catches him, brings him back from the nightmares. Holds him while Sakakura sobs. But he can see that Munakata is haunted too.

The doctors are still very upset that Sakakura keeps getting up and walking around, even if sometimes it is PTSD nightmares. His stomach still needs to heal, they say. He’ll tear his stitches and reopen the wounds, they say.

They’re amazed that he can withstand so much with so few painkillers, but Munakata is also the same.

If anything, being bedridden is more troublesome than the nightmares. But Munakata stays with him in the hospital room night after night.

 

As hope comes to overcome despair and the Future Foundation rights itself, Sakakura stays in the hospital. For what feels like an eternity, he waits for Munakata to come back. 

And the only reason he stays there instead of helping Munakata is because Munakata tells him so. It’s so hard to say no to the man, he smiles when he thinks it.

“How are you feeling?” Munakata sits at his bedside. It’s that authoritative way of speaking that commands attention. Sakakura gives a small smile.

“Better. How ‘bout you? That eye of yours...” Sakakura trails off when Munakata shakes his head. Sakakura grumbles. “Sorry.”

“You’re going to have to stop apologizing.”

“Fat chance.” He laughs mirthlessly.

“I’m glad you’re alright. The truth is, I’m the one who should be sorry.” His eye trail to Sakakura’s arm, a stump in copious bandages. “I... gave up on you. But you never turned away from me.”

“That...!” Sakakura feels the words come to his mouth and swallows them. “That’s not true. It... This is all my fault...”

“No. It isn’t.”

“It is!” Sakakura yells it and slams his fist into the metal of the hospital bed. It’s so jarring that a nurse ducks in quickly to see what’s happening, but Munakata remains unperturbed. “It... It’s my fault. If it weren’t for me, none of this would’ve happened.”

“What do you mean?”

“I...” He’d wanted to tell Munakata for so long. But was now the right time? But... he’d spent so long trying to hide and cover up for his mistakes, and then nearly died trying to make up for everything. “...”

“You can tell me. Anything. No matter what.”

“Don’t say such nice things to me... You know I don’t deserve it.”

Munakata frowned. “That’s enough. I want to hear it. And I want to hear it now.”

The shiver that rippled through him set him on edge. What a disgusting reaction to something like that, he thought.

“You’ll hate me.”

“I won’t hate you.”

“Why not. I hate me...”

At once Munakata reached over and forced Sakakura to look at him. His eye shimmering with anger.

“Don’t talk like that! Not after all we’ve been through. I won’t have it. Not from you.”

The anger surprised him. Sakakura had never expected him to react like that. But...

“You thought I had become Ultimate Despair... right?”

“Yes. I was...” He let go, his eye looking to Sakakura’s midsection. What he’d done... to a friend? Unforgivable. “I was wrong. I can’t... I can’t apologize enough.”

“Then... before you start beating yourself up, I should probably tell you.” He took a deep breath. “Enoshima. She... When we were on her trail, she...”

His hand tensed into a fist. Tears were starting to well up in Sakakura’s eyes.

“You can tell me. It’s okay.”

“When I told you that it wasn’t her. It... was a lie.” He looked away. “So it’s not like you had no reason to suspect me of being Despair but... I did it because she... was blackmailing me.”

Munakata furrowed a brow. “She did?”

“She... knew things about me. Stalked me. And... I’m just fucking... the worst!” He shouted in frustration, tears falling freely. “I was so quick to say that those assholes in charge of Hope’s Peak were only looking after their own interests but then... I did the same damn thing. And... people died. How many people would still be alive if I’d just... told you.”

Munakata was silent for a few moments. In an earlier time, this would have probably made him mad... irate even. But when he’d acted out of anger before, it hadn’t done him any good. He put his feelings aside.

And he squeezed his friend’s hand.

“I forgive you.”

“That... You shouldn’t. I’m... I’m the worst... I betrayed you and...!” He had never seen Sakakura cry like this. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t have faith in you... and if I did tell you and you hated me... I don’t know what I would have done. I want you so much... I need you in my life... Munakata...”

He bubbled into tears. Munakata held his hand tighter, and Sakakura tried not to become a crying mess but he was clearly failing by his own standards. There was something childlike about it. Something like...?

“I don’t have any right to ask this but... What was she blackmailing you with?”

His hand tensed while being held. “You... Want to know?”

“Would it help?”

“I don’t know. You... might hate me. That was her plan, I think. If I don’t tell you then I betray you and if I do tell you, then you’re repulsed by me.”

“I promise no matter what you say, I won’t hate you. I’m not leaving you this time. I promise!” Though the words were clumsy, he hoped they would still get the meaning across.

Sakakura took a deep breath. Ironically, Munakata’s efforts to calm him down only made him more nervous.

And then, it all came out in fits and starts.

“The truth is Enoshima found out I’m in love with someone I shouldn’t be in love with. It’s... Forbidden. And it’s not... It... If he... you...” He looked to Munakata, a fervent blush across his cheeks. “I love you. Munakata. I love... you. And I love... the way you can rouse people. The way you organize things and the way you fight for hope and everything you do. I’ve... loved you since before we graduated. I’ve thought of you... and it’s wrong because you and Yukizome... but... she... and I was so afraid that you’d hate me. Because even if you... What kind of life could I give anyone? Compared to her I’m just... worthless.”

Munakata sat there in stunned silence. The words came at him and he saw his friend, his best friend and comrade in arms tell him something that had been tormenting him for years.

“I’m so sorry, Sakakura. You’ve been suffering all this time. I... had no idea.”

“Well. Yeah. I... didn’t want you to know.”

“But, even so... I’m your friend. I should be the one you come to when you need my help.” He looked down. “I wonder what it is I did... what it was I did... that made you think I would turn you away.”

“Yukizome would die for you. But I... only thought of myself. I got it towards the end... dying for you. Because I love you. And I wanted you to live, no matter what. You’re the most important person to me. Please forgive me... Please...”

Ignoring that Sakakura was bandaged like a half-dressed mummy, he pressed into the man and held him tight. He could feel Sakakura crying harder into his shirt. 

And he wasn’t going anywhere.


	3. Cortes & Quebradas

Physical therapy at the hospital is always an ordeal. After almost half a month of surgeries, resting, physical therapy, and other hospital horrors, he’d been discharged on a trial basis.

Sakakura still came back to the hospital multiple times, sometimes twice a week. At first, getting out of the bed after his severely restricted diet had been an issue. He didn’t want to admit how happy it made him when Munakata was there when he stumbled, helping him move.

Although the doctors were absolutely against it, Sakakura was up and walking around within weeks.

Even as much as he enjoyed Munakata fussing over him, helping him to the shower, helping him shave, being there whenever he came out of anesthesia, he knew he shouldn’t be imposing so much. Especially not when he was staying with Munakata, who insisted on taking him to all of his appointments.

He blushed frequently thinking about how much attention he was getting.

The diet was the worst though. His stomach was still mending after a partial gastrectomy. Munakata had taken that one the hardest. But he was used to cutting out foods for his diet as a boxer. If anything, he was going to have a problem keeping his muscle mass.

And it didn’t take long before Sakakura was exercising in a way that made the doctors frantically fuss over him all the time.

“You want a donut?” Asahina had offered him one from his bedside. He was in for routine observation again. Only now he had an entire room full of visitors.

And he wanted to much most of them.

“I can’t eat those. Yet.”

“Oh.” She’d looked momentarily disappointed. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine.”

“So... what do you eat?”

“Right now? So much protein... and yogurt.” He made a face.

“Hehe... yogurt... and things full of protein...” Fukawa was making that lewd face again. Why had they decided to let her in again? This was exactly the sort of thing that he didn’t need. “Munakata’s loyal dog... needs protein from its master.”

Asahina nearly yelped at the implication.

Sakakura flushed purple, stung on the basis of what she’d said and... that... it was a little too close to home.

“Touko!” Komaru scolded her.

“What? I-If it looks like a dog... and wags its tail a-at it’s m-m-master...”

“I don’t need to hear that from someone like _you_.” He’d said it with as much venom as he could muster. It seemed to have a perverse reaction on Fukawa. He hated that he shared so much in common with that degenerate.

“A-Anyway...” Komaru smiled, trying to smoothe it all over. “Hey, Sakakura... You...”

“What?”

“Does it still hurt?” She was looking at his hand.

“...Not really. Just damn annoying when I go to reach for something with the wrong hand.”

Clearly, this wasn’t the most hopeful conversation.

“Yeah, but Munakata’s missing an eye. So... you match!” Hagakure, stupid as always, barreled right into clearly forbidden territory. “You could have a hook hand, and he’s got an eyepatch... Like pirates!”

“You can’t actually be that stupid.” Asahina deadpanned.

“Hehe... like... pirates...” Fukawa muttered. "A k-kind of pirate..."

“Don’t take it there!”

“M-Maybe I should write about it... rival pirate captains... running each other aground...”

“What? Why are they rivals?” Asahina ignored the subtext which was clearly text. “Munakata and Sakakura are allies. They should be working together, farming fields, raising cattle!”

“...Why are they ranchers?”

“Two... r-ranchers... on a mountaintop!”

“...” Sakakura sighed loudly. Somehow, everyone was freely offering their opinion on a fictional love life.

“Well, Sakakura was the Super High School Level Boxer, and Munakata was the Super High School Level Student Council President. Shouldn’t your story be a little more realistic?”

Fukawa looked like she’d been hit with a bolt of inspiration.

“...Childhood friends! ...Who attend the same high school, now as rivals. Student Council President, and the captain of the failing sports team. ‘Student Council President! Don’t shut down my team! I know it’s just me on my team but...’ ‘Ha... A single player does not make a team. And if you’re going to beg... shouldn’t you do it better?’”

Sakakura turned reddish purple again. The thought of Enoshima passed his mind. He was going to kill them.

“W-What kind of sports team would it be? Boxing...?” Komaru was the only one good at reading the atmosphere, apparently.

“Mm... Rugby.” Fukawa nodded. “T-Those... tight short shorts...”

“Huh? But Sakakura’s got great arms! Like... guns for days!” Asahina scoffed. “You can’t see them under a rugby uniform. It should be swimming. Then you can see every part of the body.”

“Tch... Rewriting my... s-story... y-you dare?”

“You’re both wrong.” Hagakure shook his head with a knowing look. “It should be... wrestling.”

The two looked thunderstruck.

“W-Wrestling...” Fukawa was drooling. “Two sweaty bodies. Colliding for dominance... Slick singlets. ‘Come here, you bastard. I don’t care if it’s all of you, I’ll take you all on!!’ A forbidden romance that starts with a three-count pin! S... SUBMISSION HOLD!”

“Sakakura.” Munakata peeked into the room. He frowned seeing Sakakura looking like he was going to hop out of bed with murderous intentions. He looked around the room quietly. “...Can we have a moment alone.”

“Mm... Mmm... Double leg... takedown.”

“Enough, enough...” Komaru moved them out of the room, stopping momentarily to smile to Makoto who was trailing behind Munakata.

“Lively bunch.”

“Why’d we let that Fukawa girl join us...”

“Because she helped save everyone in her own way. She’s a hero. Just like you.”

He suddenly felt pale. “...Don’t compare us.”

“That aside, there is something I want to discuss with you.”

Sakakura instinctively sat up. “Yeah?”

“I know how you feel about the Remnants of Despair.” A dramatic pause. “However, given recent events, there’s something... Think of it as a kind of olive branch. I have a proposition in mind, but before I bring it to them, I want your permission.”

“I... don’t really get what you’re talking about.”

“It concerns your hand.” Munakata looked at him seriously. He turned seriously to Sakakura’s stump. “What would you say if I told you I could... replace the one you lost?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you can find it in your hearts not to judge me, that'd be great, thanks. Just kidding, I'm emotionally dead inside so judge away :D


	4. Who Leads and Who Follows?

Sakakura hates the idea as soon as he hears it. And he hates it more when he agrees to it.

“Isn’t this a little sci-fi?” A mechanic with pink hair and some kind of funky body odor was now adjusting screws. All things considered, Soda Kazuichi was still technically a Remnant of Despair.

“I think we have surely passed that.” And there was the Princess, Sonia Nevermind, smiling wryly at their situation. “With the post-apocalyptic scenario, and virtual reality plot points.”

“Is this really necessary...” Sakakura mumbled to himself. He hated Despair. And yet, Makoto had been the one to vouch for them. He hated everything about them.

“Everything has to be exact.”

The metal prosthesis was custom made for him by the Super High School Level Mechanic. That had to count for something, he supposed. It had been tailored to his needs almost exactly. Aside from the metal sheen of it, it really did have the same dimensions of his other hand.

It was the prosthetic hand that he’d been using for almost two weeks on and off. But now, Soda was doing final tuneups to give it to Sakakura for good... although he’d still be around for occasional testing and to make sure things were still working.

Ordinarily, Sakakura would have been wary of it breaking but... this was what the guy did. He hoped that Soda had taken into account that he was probably going to be punching with it.

“There! All done. Try it on.”

“This better not be some... despair gauntlet...” He muttered that too since they were guests, and Munakata’s guests at that.

It fit better than expected, better than before. And it was more comfortable now. The hand worked by muscles in the arm, his arm would tense like he wanted to make a fist, and the prosthesis made a fist. He could stretch out individual fingers as if he actually still had them.

It was strong enough to punch through rock, he’d found out through their testing. But it was dexterous enough to pick up pens, chopsticks, even needles. It... really did feel like it was still his hand.

“You’re gonna wanna take it off every day or so and really scrub the inside so germs don’t build up. It’s totally waterproof and fireproof too. So you should be able to...”

Without knowing it, or exactly why, he had started to smile. Tears streamed down his face. This had set Soda and Sonia on edge before he wiped them away, smiling at the hand.

He could take it off when he wanted to, and there were ways to fasten it in place to keep it from falling off inadvertently. He wondered if he should wear gloves from now on...?

“Thank you.” Munakata had said, because Sakakura could not. “I truly appreciate this.”

“It was no problem.” Sonia had said before pointing dramatically to Soda. “I hereby give you praise!”

Sakakura quirked a brow seeing how excited Soda got when she praised him. That was another unflattering mirror of himself he didn’t need.

“Thanks...” He’d finally managed to say.

 

When the two former Remnants of Despair left, Munakata saw Sakakura was opening and closing the prosthetic hand. He was smiling, in a way he hadn’t seen since before all of this went down.

“How does it feel?”

“Good.” He took a moment and shook his head. “No. Better than that. It... feels like hope.”

Munakata smiled even though Sakakura was frowning at how cliche that sounded at this stage in the game.

“I’m glad.”

“Thank you. For this.”

“It was actually Naegi’s idea. You should thank him when we see him next.”

“...” His smile faded quickly.

“What? You can’t even do that?” The way he said it sounded like a challenge. “Even if I ask you to thank him?”

Sakakura blushed quickly and turned away. When he said it like that, he almost sounded like his parents. Like... Nope, that was not a thought he was willing to pursue.

“I’ll thank him.” There was a firm conviction. Challenge accepted.

“Good.” And then Munakata took the metal hand in his. Without thinking, the fingers initially retracted to pull away just like Sakakura would have done if it were a flesh and blood hand. Warily, he relaxed and let Munakata run his hands over the hand. “You don’t feel this?”

“I... No.” It wasn’t like he had nerve endings in the prosthesis. He couldn’t feel things like pain, or heat, or pressure. His arm muscles instinctively tensed in a way that made him able to do things gently. But if he weren’t paying attention, or if he really wanted to... “I don’t feel your hand.”

“Mm.” He nodded slowly. And how he was holding Sakakura’s hand like a... he was entwining his fingers in the metal fingers. Sakakura was beet red. “Squeeze my hand.”

“But-!”

The look in Munakata’s eye was deadly serious. And Sakakura relented. He squeezed back, gently, not sure how to judge it. Surely, Munakata would tell him if it were painful or...

“This is excellent work. I can’t wait to hear you thank Naegi for intervening on your behalf.” There was a momentary increase in pressure that almost felt painful but it made Munakata laugh as he withdrew his hand. “Are you almost ready to go?”

“Yeah. I just need my coat.”

As Sakakura stood up, Munakata moved closer. The distance between them was now very slim. He pressed his hand up to Sakakura’s shoulder, where the spear had hit him. He pressed against it firmly, as if trying to elicit some kind of reaction.

“Does that hurt?”

“No.” There was a nasty scar though. He hadn’t made it out of that Killing Game in one piece... in more ways than one.

A hand now went to his belly and pressed against the wound that he’d given him there.

“How about here?”

“It...” There was a longer pause than was needed. He wanted to say that it didn’t hurt at all, because that was what Munakata wanted to hear. But it wasn’t the truth. “It’s better than before.”

“I’m so sorry.” The hand didn’t leave from his belly.

“It’s going to be a pretty cool scar at least.” The joke fell as flat as could be expected.

“You’ve... gotten skinnier.”

“Yeah. I lost some muscle mass in the hospital. Now that I’m out... and especially with this.” He said holding up the metal hand demonstratively. “I’ll be able to get it back no problem.”

“Are you eating alright?”

“Are you seriously asking me about that? You don’t have to fuss over me like Yukizome.”

The words came out so freely that they blindsided both of them. There was a sense of realization, and then Sakakura’s mood drooped.

“Sorry. I shouldn’t have brought that up.”

“...We should get going. I’ll get your coat.”

“Wait!” Before Munakata could go very far, Sakakura had called out to him. Before he could stop him, Sakakura had begun to kneel down and humbly bowed with his forehead on the ground.

“Wh-”

“Thank you. For giving me this opportunity. And thank you for... coming back. And saving me. I won’t let you down. I won’t... betray your trust again!”

He scrunched up his face and waited for any response. He wondered what kind of look Munakata had on his face. Was he shocked? Angry? Would he be...?

“Stand up.” A hand touched his, the one of flesh and blood. And squeezed. Sakakura looked up. “I need you, Sakakura. There’s still more work to be done. If your stomach’s healed enough for you to be doing that, then I won’t take things easy on you.”

“You’d better not!”

Munakata was wiping away some of the tears that Sakakura had begun to shed with one hand once they stood up.

“If the others see you crying they’ll think I was bullying you.”

“I don’t mind.” Wait. He blushed faintly. “I don’t mind what they think, I mean.”

A curious look passed his face. An imperceptible look.

“Come on, Juzo. Our job now is to create hope, not just preserve it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On a less serious note I think we all know that Sonia's going to tell the other Remnants of Despair that Kazuichi gave Sakakura "a nice hand job", so RIP Kazuichi Soda.


	5. Despair Was Here

Another day went by, and Munakata was still doting on Sakakura, or so it seemed. Sakakura could have probably lived on his own, he’d done it before. But Munakata was adamant that until he was fully healed, he not be on his own.

It had seemed maybe a touch overbearing, except Sakakura would not pace himself with his exercising, nor would he take his pain medication or antibiotics when he needed to.

He had to admit, he enjoyed fussing over him to some extent. And he enjoyed the company. If he were alone...

 

~ ~ ~

 

Munakata’s walking down the hall of the apartment that he’s sharing with Sakakura. He’s not sure why he has to go there, but the hallway is dark and seems to go on endlessly. There’s the feeling that something isn’t right.

He unknowingly walks faster, and then breaks into a run as the hallway stretches.

“Sakakura!”

When he actually can reach the door, he isn’t sure if he should open it. A sudden trepidation.

Upon opening the door, he somehow finds himself in a glade of wildflowers, bright blue sky, yellow flowers, and an idyllic surrounding. It’s so surreal he doesn’t know what to think as he comes closer to... a glass coffin?

He breaks into a sprint, coming to the glass coffin.

“Sakakura!” He sees his friend splayed out like a funeral arrangement underneath the glass. Instantly his first instinct is to pound on it and break it, or wake him up if he can. “Sakakura!”

“Oh, poor Princess Juzo...” A mockingly chipper voice calls out from the side. It’s someone in a black cloak and hood. When she throws back the hood, he’s stunned to see Enoshima Junko staring him down. “Princess Juzo pricked his finger on a poisoned razor apple and now he can’t wake up!”

“Enoshima...!”

“And lo, behold, Prince Munakata. Only true love’s kiss will awaken the young maiden. Unfortunately...” She pulls out a shovel. “The maiden was asleep for a hundred years and no prince came. So... We got tired of waiting and dug the ditch already! There are already a lot of bodies down there but what’s one more between friends?”

With a snap of her fingers, the coffin drops down a pitfall, Juzo and all. The sound of glass shattering echoes everywhere as a spray of blood flies up from the ditch. Some of it spatters across Munakata’s face.

“Uh oh... looks like Princess Juzo really blew his wad there for you, Munakata. Not for the first time, riiiight?”

The laughter starts as the whole world around him becomes barren and empty. The world shreds around him. There’s nothing left.

 

~ ~ ~

 

“Munakata!” Sakakura was trying to wake him up. “Munakata!!”

Munakata thrashed around on the bed, screaming. Another nightmare. It had woken Sakakura up, who had fallen asleep in just his gym shorts after another workout. 

Without even grabbing the prosthetic hand, he rushed for Munakata.

“Munakata!! Wake up!” He clucked his tongue and leaned down trying to use his weight to hold him down, a knee pressed firmly down over his thighs to try and keep him from kicking away. It was a very difficult one-handed maneuver.

No matter what he did, he couldn’t seem to rouse him.  
With the stump, Sakakura pressed against Munakata’s chest hoping to hold him still. At this point he was nearly three-quarters of the way on top of the man, and as much as he had thought about something like this, it was never quite like this.

The open-handed slap rang out in the bedroom.

With a frantic, now confused look on his face, Munakata settled his one eye on Sakakura in front of him. He looked terrified.

“Juzo...”

He flinched hearing his first name used. “You’re... awake?”

Munakata moved with unexpected strength, pushing off him and immediately wrapping him into an embrace. Before he could express any kind of surprise, he felt the choked sobs on his bear chest.

“You... you were dead... And it was my fault. Again... And... I couldn’t reach you in time, I’m so sorry... I’m sorry....” He could barely articulate the words. “You must’ve... I don’t hate you... I don’t hate you, I’m sorry... Please don’t go away. I can’t... I can’t do this on my own...”

Completely unbidden, now Sakakura began to cry. Big wet sloppy tears roll down his cheeks and he doesn’t know exactly why.

“You’re not alone! I’m still here... And... so’s everyone else. I’m so sorry I should’ve...”

“You must’ve been so lonely... You were always doing so much. And you tried to... even then... You’re my best friend and I... made you feel like...” He was shaking. “What would I do if... I wouldn’t be able to say goodbye... Or that I’m sorry. I couldn’t save her... I just... want to save someone... Please don’t go!”

“You... stupid... I’m not going anywhere.” Now both of them are sobbing. “Even if you did hate me I would never let you die. Dumbass... No matter what I... I won’t leave you. Even if you cast me aside. It’s always been for you... It’s... always for you...”

The two of them look at each other. Sakakura is trying not to snort and sniffle but failing. Munakata’s shaking and his eye is red and puffy from crying.

“Juzo.”

“It’s always been for you, Kyosuke. If you don’t live... then there’s no point.”

“I’m so sorry, Juzo. I’m... so stupid... and useless.”

“You are stupid... because I already forgave you... no matter what. I’m here for you. Always.”

He can't get the picture of Juzo dead on his feet trying to pull the lever. He can't stop the thoughts of the guilt.

But he is grateful that Juzo is there to hold him until he can't cry anymore and the shaking stops. And longer after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not crying, you're crying. Just kidding, I'm always crying.


	6. Your Heart's Still Wild

The next day when they’re working, there’s no discussion of what happened. The stressful nightmares had plagued both of them, but neither was really willing to talk about it. But Sakakura was following him closer than normal.

There’s an uncomfortable silence that permeates the next day too.

“Your eye’s bloodshot.” Sakakura spoke to him frankly when they were alone. “When’s the last time you slept.”

That wasn’t a question, not really.

“I’m fine, Sakakura.”

“You’re pushing yourself too hard again.” Again. Just like school. Once a Student Council President... “Even you need to sleep.”

“There’s work to be done.”

He turns and looks at Sakakura. For a moment, his vision blurs. His eye suddenly loses focus but when he settles, he sees... blood?

There’s Sakakura, bloodstain on his stomach where the blade went in. Bloody shoulder he won’t talk about. And... the hand... blood that won’t stop flowing even with the jacket’s sleeve tied as tight as he can make it in a tourniquet, blood pooling on the floor so slick and slippery Sakakura could give out at any moment. A line of levers and blood splattered on mechanical controls. Still trying to get one more down before... before...

“Munakata!”

Sakakura moves forward and holds Munakata up by the waist with his good hand. He’s afraid Munakata will slide out of his grip like soap.

Munakata’s head lolls back before he catches himself, seeing Sakakura holding him up, or, as upright as he can be. It actually more looks like they were dancing and he’d just been dipped.

On shaky legs Munakata regains his composure.

“Sorry about that.” He was now speaking nonchalantly. He ignored the way Sakakura’s face scrunched up in anger.

“You need to sleep.”

“I’m fine.”

“The hell you are!” He shouts, unaware that there are others around to see them. He becomes more sheepish when he notices they’re watching. He tries to become more formal with his speech. “You are exhausted. Even someone like you needs to sleep some time.”

“...”

“Come on. I’m taking you home.”

“No. You’re not.” There’s a defiance there. Sakakura glowered at him. “I’ve got a lot I need to do today.”

“You’re going to die if you keep this up.”

“Would that really be such a bad thing?”

A hand nails him in the jaw so hard he stumbles back, momentarily seeing stars. He feels warmth spread across his face as blood rushes to his probably bruised face. When he feels his nose, he comes back with blood on his hand, trickling out gently.

“You better not ever fucking say that again, you hear me! We risk our lives for you, so you damn well better go on living!” He can hear Sakakura’s voice shaking with rage. He sees the smallest glimmer of tears in his eyes as the crowd begins to gather, confused and whispering.

There’s a sudden desire for privacy but neither one of them is moving.

“...When I’m sleeping, I see their faces.” He started to whisper. “I can’t... see them right now. I’m... making it better.”

“You’re only human. If you’re struggling, you can let me help. I can shoulder some of your burden.”

“You’ve done enough. This... is my redemption.”

“If you don’t cut it out with your little martyr routine, I’m gonna fucking knock your lights out myself.”

“Heh.” Munakata looks at him, pale and weary. “Scary.”

 

~ ~ ~

 

“What would Yukizome do at a time like this?”

Sakakura groans. He’d been waiting for Munakata to come home. He had planned on slipping him some kind of sleeping pill in a drink but... maybe that was too aggressive. Too predatory.

And anyway, he said he was working late. Probably to avoid him. Probably to avoid his bed. And the nightmares. 

Munakata was pushing him away. He was trying to do it all by himself. When he got angry, Munakata pushed away. No matter how much he approached it with force, Munakata could deflect it.

“Yukizome... What would you do...?”

 

~ ~ ~

 

Another round of meetings. Munakata knew he was becoming worn down. He hoped it didn’t show in his work, or when he met with people. There had been some cursory putting people at ease because of the eye patch, and then the most tedious things that helped this new world work.

All in the name of hope.

There was something annoying about Sakakura being right. He knew he was right. He could feel himself being petty and argumentative. He could feel the sleeplessness ruling him, making him irrational and mean. He could feel how annoying and wrong he was, but he couldn’t figure out how to make himself stop.

In a moment of quiet, he sighed and leaned back against the wall. It was mid evening now. He closed his eyes for what felt like the briefest of seconds and...

Sakakura’s pulling down on a lever somewhere and he’s running as fast as he can to get to him. He knows he can save him. He’s not actually Despair after all just...

“Please hold on... I’ll... I can save you...” He mutters to himself.

He’s afraid he’s going to see it. The chandelier falling with... her... The best friend he’d forsaken, dead before him. What a waste so many good people and it’s all... such a waste.

“I can... save...” His vision starts to swerve sideways. The whole room swims.

Munakata tilted sideways, nearly sliding off and down the wall. He caught himself then, in the empty hallways. He took a few deep breaths. He... really didn’t feel well. But he was glad no one had seen him stumble.

When he feels he’s composed himself, he turns and moves down another hallway. He almost flinches when he sees Sakakura coming towards him.

“It’s not real...”

“Huh?” Sakakura says as he moves closer. He’s holding an arm behind his back. “You say something?”

“Sakakura. It’s you.”

“Well... Yeah. Who else looks like me?”

“Fair point.” Munakata smiles more to himself than anything else. “What... are you doing here?”

“I... came to apologize. I’m sorry we... got into it here in front of everyone. And I’m sorry I hit you so I...” He moves his hand out from behind his back and pulls out what looks like a bush of flowers. “Here.”

Munakata quirks a brow. “...Lavender?”

“It... helps with relaxing sleep. And aromatherapy. And...” It really does look like he yanked a tree limb full of purple fuzzy cattails. As he looks at it and the confused look Munakata is giving him, Sakakura begins to get more flustered. “Take the lavender. Let’s go home.”

“...”

Sakakura was now feeling very self-conscious. He hated how it felt like he was giving flowers like an abusive husband might give a gift to his battered wife.

“Listen... If you want to hit me... like just fucking deck me... Go ahead but just the one b-”

Almost immediately a hand reaches out and slaps him across the face. He’s more stunned than hurt.

“Do you feel better now?” Munakata raises an eyebrow.

“A little.” He admits and rubs his face. “Didn’t expect you to go easy on me though.”

Munakata gives a thin smile. He hadn’t been trying to... Maybe he was out of it.

“Let’s go home...” He then takes the bouquet/branch of lavender with him. “Where did you even get this?”

 

Munakata walked alongside him, listening to the explanation of how on earth he found lavender. One minute, he was listening carefully... The next thing he knew, sound was starting to distort.

An odd feeling arose. He must have lagged behind him, because Sakakura walks on ahead before turning around and shooting him a quizzical look. There’s no sound but he can see Sakakura’s said his name.

The world turns sideways and he sees Sakakura’s face contort in fear and surprise. He crashes into the floor almost face first, landing on some of the lavender sending purple flowers flying like macabre confetti.

He sees he’s being pushed onto his back and Sakakura is talking to him but can’t make out any of the words. Sakakura’s calling out to someone... or possibly no one...

“Juzo....” He manages to mumble before he blacks out.

 

~ ~ ~

 

For some reason, he can’t move. He’s pressed into a cold metal seat. And something is over his head and then... it suddenly lifts!

He’s been sat down on some kind of stadium bleacher setting a few rows away from the ring. It’s... some kind of boxing ring. All around him, people in Monokuma masks are cheering for the brawl. He looks down and sees he’s tied up, and tied to the seat.

A monitor shows some kind of garish tagline:

ONE NIGHT ONLY - ROUND 10 DEATH MATCH  
ROPE-A-DOPE: THE ROCKY ROAD TO VICTORY

For a minute he doesn’t understand until he sees Sakakura wearing his boxing clothes. And in another corner there’s... some kind of brutish Monokuma that’s nearly twice Sakakura’s size.

A somehow effeminate Monokuma glides across the ring with a 10 painted on a white scorecard in blood. The crowd roars and the bell chimes and the match begins.

Sakakura moves in first, ducking a blow from a comically oversized boxing glove. And then another.

Sakakura manages to land a few good punches, and the crowd boos.

Suddenly, the big Monokuma hangs back as if in fear, cowering. When Sakakura moves in to attack, it snickers and pulls out what looks like a jack-in-the-box.

Surprise crosses Sakakura’s face as a huge boxing glove attached to a spring launches out of the box and knocks him clear backwards. He hits the ropes so hard they expand out like a rubber band and then slingshot him back towards the Monokuma.

The Monokuma is consumed by fiery energy like in a fighting game and then performs a perfect spinning uppercut. For some reason button commands are shown above being pressed...?

Sakakura is shot sky high and the last thing he sees are the rafters before he collides into them. He’s stuck in the rafters, blood is now pouring down his body and down his legs and drips off onto the mat. His legs twitch unnaturally for a few moments and stop. The bell rings and the crowd cheers.

Some goofy music plays when a towel floats down from Sakakura’s corpse. The Monokuma mugs for the crowd. The towel gently lands on the mat and begins to turn red from the blood pool.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Munakata awoke violently, a sudden explosion of energy. He gasps in terror, terrified shallow breathing as if he were hyperventilating.

Sakakura, who had also been asleep, lurches back. He’d been by Munakata’s bedside, having fallen asleep with his face by Munakata’s hand.

He’d been holding Munakata’s hand with his good hand. He still was.

Momentarily distressed, he can see the slow rise and fall of Sakakura’s back. He’s asleep? The man looked exhausted. Was that how he looked, Munakata wondered silently as he squeezed the man’s hand.  
There’s a moment of peace. Realizing it was just a dream. He breathed in the scent of lavender.  
Lavender? Looking around he saw multiple vases, probably plastic, filled with lavender. Some of it looked a little bit crushed but it did relax him, somehow. That overly enthusiastic way of caring for someone could only have been Sakakura.

“...Thank you, Sakakura.” He says quietly and squeezes the hand.

The gentle words had an opposite effect. Once he squeezed the hand, Sakakura shot up, looking around frantically. When he settled on Munakata he gave a small sigh of relief.

“You’re okay.” And then, as if Munakata himself didn’t know, “You passed out. Or. Well, it’s more like you collapsed. I called the hospital and...”

“Thank you.” The hospital wasn’t ideal, but there was nothing else for it. If he could see his own chart, he was sure it was going to say exhaustion and possibly dehydration or malnutrition. “I didn’t mean to make you worry.”

“If that’s how you feel then you should sleep sometimes.” He was scolding him. Munakata’s fragile smile at being scolded belied the pit of anxiety in his stomach. Sakakura saw it immediately on his face. “Is it the dreams...?”

“...Yes.”

“I get them too. Sometimes. Most nights it’s not too bad... but...” He trailed off. Unsurprisingly, his nightmares took him to moments of his own mistakes. Or to visions of deaths that hadn’t happened. Envisioning Munakata dead was the worst.

It was why he worked out to exhaustion and then fell asleep. There was less time to give power to the nightmare before he had it.

“You died.” Munakata stated simply. He looked away. “Just like in the building with... And then I saw your execution.”

“Execution?”

“The way Enoshima did to those students at Hope’s Peak. It...” He didn’t want to think about it.

“You’re not alone.” Sakakura squeezed his hand. “I mean it. If there’s anything I can do...”

“Hah... You’re such a valiant prince, Juzo.” He says off-handedly and smiles. Sakakura instantly tenses and blushes. More so when he takes Sakakura’s hand and kisses it gently. “I’ll be relying on you.”

Sakakura nearly freezes as the blush dominates his face. He wants to pull his hand away, but at the same time, he really doesn’t.  
Instead, he stays put, reddened and embarrassed.

“Don’t say such out of character things.” He says, inadvertently squeezing Munakata’s hand harder. “...Especially not to a guy like me. You should consider the situation better. I’m...”

He doesn’t say it. He doesn’t have to.  
“I’m not concerned about that.”

“You should be concerned a little.”

“Don’t make me repeat myself.” There was a deliberate pause, and he still hadn’t let go of Sakakura’s hand. They were passed such silly labels, or at least that was how Munakata saw it. “I’m going to bring hope to everyone, including you.”

The way he says it gives him a jolt. Sakakura can’t stop blushing even though he isn’t sure why.

“Focus on hoping for a good night’s sleep. As much as I like you needing me for a change, I don’t want you collapsing again.”

“Juzo.” He smiles, deliberately. “Stay by my side.”

A flutter of butterflies hits him hard and he’s sure his blush is making him glow in the low lighting of the hospital room.

“...I told you not to say things like that. Wasn’t like I was planning to leave...”


	7. Caminata sincopada

A feeling of normalcy starts to creep in. And everyone is on edge, because that’s usually when shit hits the fan.

Work steadily increases, and Sakakura is back to his normal workload. He still has to set time aside for doctor appointments, blood tests... it’s a whole big thing, and Munakata is right there with him almost at all times.

Sakakura can’t help but feel happy, being doted on.

As for Munakata, things become easier once he starts to see a psychiatrist for his own PTSD. Sakakura always waits for him, even though he’s repeatedly told it’s not necessary. The medication helps take the edge off the anxiety. 

And Sakakura has his own therapy sessions, and Munakata always waits for him. Sakakura would protest but that would only make Munakata give him that obnoxious debate champion grin.

The nightmares still come and go. But the entire apartment smells like lavender.

 

Sakakura groaned loudly waiting for his blood test results. Munakata is always busying himself with checking up on Sakakura’s condition, which leaves him alone with unwelcome tag-alongs.

Today it was Asahina, Makoto, and Fukawa for some reason.

“I told you I can’t eat donuts.” He says for the umpteenth time. Asahina still stares at him defiantly.

“I’m going to find one you can eat! What can you eat?”

“You want the entire list?”

“Th... There’s a list?” She seems to shrink back realizing the implications of his injury. “O-Okay. I’m gonna do it!”

“So... loud...” A macabre air emanates from one side of the hospital room. Fukawa is frantically scribbling something. “Y-You two i-idiot sports freaks are too loud!”

“Idiot?” Sakakura makes a face.

“Sports freaks?!” Asahina gets upset at the wrong part of the insult.

“You two... are j-just the same... T-Tanned bimbos... with h-huge t-tits...”

Sakakura is on his feet almost immediately, ready to strike her South Paw style. It’s Asahina and Makoto that have to hold him back.

“Sakakura, don’t!”

“Yeah! She’s... If you make her unconscious she might bring out the other one!”

“S-She’s right... A-And y-you’re just her type... Big... dumb... w-weird guys with huge bara tiddies... w-with forbidden r-romance tendencies...”

“You’re lucky you’re in a hospital because you’re about to need it!!”

“Is something wrong?” Munakata peeks in. “It’s loud in here.”

At once, Sakakura puts his fist down and begins to frown, turning away.

“Y-Yeah... Here comes the d-dog’s master...”

“Remind me why I can’t kill her?”

“Like I said before, she’s a hero. Like you.”

At this Fukawa and Sakakura are both blushing, though Fukawa is much creepier about it.

“Hehe... Hero...” She blushes. “I-It’s almost l-like receiving a compliment from... Master.” At once, she’s back to writing.

“Touko... What are you writing?”

“It’s her newest best-seller or whatever. Rival swimmers with a forbidden romance or something...”

“They’re wrestlers, you self-important cow!”

“Not that again...” Sakakura groans.

“Hehe... ‘His expression changes on a dime. The man’s bigger and could destroy his rival, but even with that superior muscle and height, he can’t help but let the Student Council President take the lead... like he always does. Anything he wants. Every feudal lord needs a... h-handmaiden.’”

Sakakura is turning purple. 

“Hehe... And they keep saying sorry to each other. Almost every chapter.. ‘Sorry.’ ‘No, I’m sorry.’ ...Like s-stroking each other’s egos. L-Like... m-mutual masturbation...”

“...!!” Sakakura fumes quietly. He won’t... give in to this torment.

“Handmaiden? ...I thought they were in high school.”

“T-They are... but the Student Council President comes from a distinguished noble family. T-The wrestling captain isn’t fit to be his... samurai... so better just left as a handmaiden... heh... or... s-sometimes a... hand job maiden.”

“...Are you writing a novel or a manga?” Asahina mutters a thought that Makoto seems to echo.

Sakakura turns and raises his fists. Today is the day Fukawa Touko dies.

“Put up your fists. I won’t go easy on you just because you’re a girl.”

“Hehehehe... fist maiden... dirty...!”

Before Asahina and Makoto have a chance to make a barrier, Sakakura takes a menacing step forward. Only Munakata’s now outstretched arm blocking Sakakura’s advance stops him.

“Oh, that one. Your earlier draft was quite good.” Munakata says appreciatively. “Did you think about what I said?”

She instantly looks almost remorseful. “I-I did. You were right. I-I’ve fixed some of the structural issues. The flow is better a-as you said.”

“You read it?” Makoto’s eyes widen.

“You made notes?”

“It was an unfinished draft. But there were elements of Student Council life Fukawa wanted to ask me about. After that...”

Sakakura wants to die. No. That would be negative. He wants to kill Fukawa.

 

~ ~ ~

 

After a grueling day being teased endlessly, with Munakata seemingly ignoring all of the subtext of the teasing, Sakakura sits in a messy flop on the couch.

“Geez... It’s like I’m a laughingstock.”

“I don’t think they would tease you if they didn’t like you.” Munakata chuckled.

“Does that mean Fukawa _really_ likes me...? Because that’s... too awful to imagine.”

Munakata smiles and doesn’t respond. Instead he sits next to him and puts his hand on Sakakura’s knee. The action makes Sakakura suddenly try to fix his posture.

“Your bloodwork came back good. And your wounds are almost completely healed.”

“Y-Yeah...” He frowns just slightly. “Except I lost a lot of muscle mass being laid up in the hospital. If I could eat whatever I wanted I could just...”

Munakata’s face looks pleasant and neutral but Sakakura’s known him long enough to see the guilt on his face.

“B-But it’s fine. I just have to really increase my protein intake so...”

“You don’t look very different to me. Aside from...” The hand. His eye looks there. “I’m glad you’re feeling better.”

“I could say the same to you. You look like you’re sleeping better.”

“...” An uncomfortable pause passes. “More or less.”

“Shit. I’m sorry. I should... You want more lavender?”

“I don’t think there is any more lavender. In the world at this point.”

“Feeling good enough to make jokes huh?” He jokingly scoffs and pushes Munakata’s hand away.

“You being here helps.”

“Yeah... Well...” Sakakura stumbles over his words. “I just wanna get past this thing, you know? Move on or... get into a new normal.”

“I can understand that.”

“I’ll still punch people for you, of course.”

“Of course.”

“Haha... What are you going to do when I move out?” He jokingly jabs at Munakata with his right hand.

The weight of Munakata’s words hit him with far more force than any punch Sakakura could have given him physically. He takes the joking hit and smiles stupidly when it almost makes him lose his balance, the same dumb smile never leaves his face.

_That’s right... This is temporary._

He smiles politely as Sakakura vents about the teasing and Fukawa and Asahina’s search for sugar-free donuts she can shovel into him, and a million other tiny things.

And the world seems empty around him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I enjoy writing as Touko probably too much. I also really enjoy a feudal lord / handmaiden dynamic but if you're reading this I expect you do too.
> 
> Brought to you by Juzo Sakakura's Bara Tiddies ™


	8. Another Lonely Day

Sakakura’s therapy sessions are always emotionally fraught. And when he comes home, the normal jovial Sakakura is much more melancholy by comparison. As much as Munakata wants to ask him, he knows it really isn’t his place.  
He does his best not to listen. Usually he can only hear voices, not words. But today...

“...you want to say to him?”

“Say to him?”

“If he were here.”

“I... would say... I don’t know.”

“It’s alright. You don’t need to force it.”

“I... would die for him. I almost did. I... would do it again. No question.”

“...But?”

“But... it always feels one-sided. Not like... He’d... I think he’d save me. Die for me, even.”

“Your... feelings for him.”

“I... yeah.”

Munakata hates that he’s listening. On the one hand, he’s happy that Sakakura has been able to open up about himself enough to share that with the psychiatrist. On the other hand, it hurts to hear how he feels.

“Your feelings aren’t being reciprocated. It’s natural to be upset.”

“I’m not upset. I... I want him to be happy. I want him to live on. But... There was never any place there for me. Not like that. Thinking that he hated me, right up til the end. I...”

“It’s okay. Take your time.”

“...I was so happy when he came back for me. I was... so happy to see him smile again. And... to feel useful. But... he never saw me there. I’m such an idiot...”

“You aren’t. You’re a person. A person in pain. You would never say that kind of thing to anyone else in your position. You shouldn’t be doing it to yourself.”

“I know better. I _know_ he... But whenever he needs me, I come running. I know I shouldn’t because it... hurts. I’m his best friend. It feels so good... to have him trust me again. I’m... so afraid he’ll hate me, or get tired of me. Making him happy, keeping him safe... These are things I know I can do. But...”

“You two have been through a lot together, as I recall. You felt as if you betrayed him-”

“I _did_ betray him.”

“...And I imagine he also feels he betrayed you. These are complicated emotions, never mind your... personal feelings.”

“I want him to need me. And... it doesn’t feel right. That’s why I have to move out of his place. That’s why I’ve been trying to heal so fast. So that... I can let him move on from Yukizome. He won’t choose me... I... accept that. Being by his side like this... only makes it worse for me.”

“You can still be there for him, without physically being there.”

“I... I know. And... I need to move on. I want to move on. I... can’t stand the way he... Forget it. It’s selfish.”

“Those thoughts are a part of you too. What were you going to say? There’s no shame in saying how you feel. It’s just a thought.”

“Doc, all I’ve got is shame.”

“That’s not-”

“I can’t stand the way he... looked at her. At Yukizome. The way he looks when he’s talking about things he really cares about. So... earnest and moving. The way he looked at her was... I’d stare at him and think, ‘Fuck, I wish he looked at me like that!’ Just... Ache for him. To look at me like he did at her.”

Something that sounds like a deep breath.

“I keep a... a picture of him. From our high school days, the big speech he gave as the Student Council President. I remember being there and just... I didn’t hate school, but he... the way he spoke made me want to be the best student possible. And... I wanted to be the best for him too. To have him be proud of me. He made me feel like I could do anything. And I... wished I could make him feel like that.”

Munakata knows he should stand up and leave. He knows this isn’t right, eavesdropping. But... he can’t move.  
“I’m stupid. And I make mistakes. And I’m selfish but... I would give him my world. But he doesn’t want it. He... I can’t stay there. Even if it makes him lonely. Even if I end up hurting him. I... have feelings too, right?”

 

Sakakura has feelings too... He’s leaving, because he can’t give him what he needs. He feels a mix of pride and an empty shame welling up in him.

He has no more secrets left. All he wants is to build a life. With someone who loves him. That... That’s what everyone wants.  
If he were interested, he should say something. And if he weren’t interested, he should let him know. 

Because it’s not fair.

Oh. That’s what it is. The shame. There’s... been an inequality in their relationship. One that was unjustly favoring him. He never gave Sakakura an answer. He learned of his feelings, and kept his to himself. Did he even know what his feelings were?

“Munakata?” The voice calls out for a second time. He realizes Sakakura has been standing there, trying to get his attention.

“I’m sorry. I... spaced out.” He smiles politely and stands. “Are you ready to go?”

He tries not to notice Sakakura’s reddened eyes and smiles gently like always. Not the smile he needs, he realizes.

“Yeah. Let’s go home.”

Munakata nods. The psychiatrist gives him a slight bow, and he returns it.

Something tells him to hug Sakakura tightly and not let go. Something else tells him to keep walking, and that’s the voice he listens to.  
“How was today’s session?”

“Good. I... think I made some progress.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> On a positive note, thumbs up for therapy I think everyone in the Future Foundation needs it after everything they've been through.


	9. Despair Won't Keep You Warm

“Your stuff is so heavy! What do you keep in here, bricks?” Asahina grumbled with displeasure.

“Those are my dumbbells.” 

“That explains why Makoto couldn’t pick them up.”

“That’s...” Makoto gave that dopey smile that said, ‘It’s true but it still hurts.’

It didn’t take too long to move Sakakura’s things to his new housing. It wasn’t exactly an apartment complex, but it wasn’t a shelter either. It wasn’t even that far away. Maybe five minutes by walking.

All Munakata could do was smile stupidly and help.

After everything had been moved in, only a handful of boxes and most of it was clothes, they were done.

“Thanks for your help, you two.”

“Wow, he’s being so nice all things considered.” Asahina chuckled.

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He frowned at her.

“After all that trying to kill us stuff. The multiple times that happened.”

“I said I was sorry for that.”

“I don’t recall that ever happening. Do you, Makoto?”

“I... don’t think I should get involved.”

“...If you’re looking for a rematch, come get some.” He gave a mocking jab as Asahina frowned, leaning forward.

“We’re very grateful for your assistance.” Munakata intervened with a cheery, somewhat mechanical voice.

 

The room cleared and then it was just the two of them.

Sakakura’s new place was almost a carbon copy of Munakata’s place. It was the same complex owned by the Future Foundation for housing after all. But even so, it felt... eerie to be in a house that was his but wasn’t.

“...Should I go too?” Munakata asked, suddenly down.

“I’m not forcing you out or anything. You could sit down or something. I could make you some tea.”

There’s a long awkward pause that passed between them.

“I want you to be happy, Juzo.” He says at last. And the shock of what he says nearly floors Sakakura. “That’s the hope I’m going to bring to this world.”

“You... You don’t have to make it sound so official.” He blushes a bit. Mostly he’s just stunned.

“You’re my best friend. I’m... so happy you’re my friend.”

“Wh... Where’s all this coming from? I... I didn’t move across the country...”

Almost as awkwardly as everything else he’d done up until that point, Munakata places both hands on Sakakura’s shoulders.

“You can do anything. You’re part of my hope. You keep me going. I... should properly thank you.”

“Y-You’re freaking me out.”

“Please would you accept my gratitude?” He says, maybe more forcefully than it should have been. “I’m not good at this.”

“This ain’t goodbye.”

He can’t stop himself from hugging Sakakura tightly. So tightly he thinks he might be breaking him, but Sakakura doesn’t resist it. Instead he hugs back, and is surprised to feel Munakata crying against him.

“Y-You don’t... need to cry.” He says, his breath hitching slightly. “If you... You’re gonna make me cry if you don’t cut it out.”

“I wish I were better at this. I’m very bad at goodbyes.”

“Well...” He isn’t sure what to say to that.

“I don’t treat you as well as I should, do I? I’m... I put a lot of faith in you. I don’t say it as often as I should. You’ve been hurting for a long time. Forgive my ignorance...”

“You... You’re seriously gonna make me cry if you don’t cut out the mushy crap.” Sakakura bites at his lip.

“I’m so glad you lived. You saved me. Did I ever thank you for that?”

“I... I’m sure you did.”

“Thank you, Juzo.” He says finally. There’s a moment where he reaches up and puts his hand on the side of Sakakura’s face. He can feel the heat rise up before the blush appears. And Munakata is blushing too. “Truly.”

There’s a moment where he’s sure Munakata is going to move forward. His heart thrums like a hummingbird before he ends the hug, almost too abruptly.

Munakata backs up, feeling like he’s possibly manipulating him. This... was planned much better in his head. There was going to be a succinct expression of his feelings, and it was going to be tidy.

And this was not that. He cleared his throat awkwardly. His own face was burning red. There was just something... He couldn’t explain it.

“So... D-Did you want that tea?” There’s no easy way to transition from what just happened. His voice is shaking.

“I... No. I should... I should leave you alone.”

“Well... It’s no trouble...”

“No. Really. I’ve imposed on you enough. I’ll let you... work out or sleep. Remember you’re always welcome back at my place. There’s... always room for you.”

 

Munakata leaves, and when the door shuts he instantly swears under his breath. He stays there staring at the door for almost fifteen minutes. He wishes he had the courage to start over. To make it better somehow. But in the end, he forces himself to walk away.

Sakakura meanwhile has curled himself up on the couch. The blush he’d had comes back when he thinks of everything. Especially the hand on his cheek. The way he’d looked.

“Fuck... don’t do this...” 

He grabs a pillow and squeezes it in his arms up to his nose. He didn’t want to read into something that wasn’t true. Something impossible. He wills back tears as the empty silence of his place creeps in on him.

He can’t keep it together.

“Yukizome...” He says to no one. He begins to pray to her, or anyone else who might be there. “If I’m not making things up, please... let him say something. Or... help me find some kind of peace. Please... let me find happiness.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I put the slow in slow burn. Or maybe just the burning. I think I'm nailing it.


	10. Ask Us About Our Despair!

The next few days stretch into a week. And then two.

Sakakura and Munakata see each other at work. Munakata insists on going with Sakakura to the hospital, and they still wait for each other outside of therapy sessions.

But an unnatural coldness began to form between them. Something like a chasm.

 

“Did something happen...?” Asahina asks over lunch. Sakakura and Asahina actually make good exercise buddies. He still can’t understand how she can eat so much fried food and not have it affect her performances. “You seem... down.”

“I’m fine.” His own lunch is comparatively small. Trying to use his chopsticks with the metal hand while under stress proves rather telling. “Don’t worry about it.”

“I’m not... I mean, I am. But... We’re worried about you.”

“Huh? We?”

“You know. The rest of us. You two are... You’re best friends. I think you need to talk it out.”

He’s about to say something snarky and mean, but decides against it. Instead he takes a deep breath and rubs his brow with one hand.

“It’s not something you can talk about, Asahina.”

“You two are too stoic. Can’t you two beat each other up and express your feelings that way?”

“What anime have you been watching?” He scoffs.

“You and Munakata are friends. And you... like him.” She fumbles around the meaning. “Right?”

“This better not be leading to a punchline.”

“All I’m saying is that you’re not very good at expressing yourselves. You think you’re doing what you need to do, but you’re trusting what you _think_ you should be doing. You don’t really know!”

“...That doesn’t make sense.” He grumbled over his lunch. Suddenly he was not very hungry.

“You two are great at hurting each other but you’re not great at communicating. So... punch him in the face! Then tell him to punch you back!”

“I’m not punching Munakata in the face.” Again, he meant.

“Aren’t you running away?”

“Wha-?!”

“Instead of having a difficult conversation, you’re avoiding each other. You think it’s going to spare someone’s feelings, but aren’t you just dragging it out? You don’t have to agree... You can fight. Or yell. Or hit him.” Sakakura rolled his eyes. “But how long do you intend to keep this up? Are you just going to wait until you drift further apart?”

“Asahina. I... need to be okay by myself.” It was an awkward thing to try to explain. “I need to be okay if it’s just me. I can’t keep depending on him for my happiness.”

“Yeah, but...” She gave him another serious look. “It’s okay to be selfish. For someone like you, you could probably stand to do it more. You... can tell him what you want. He still might not do it, but... You can still tell him. At least then you’re being honest.”

 

~ ~ ~

 

Sakakura’s place never really felt like home. Things were still in boxes. A mental block kept him from moving too many things out.

Something made it too hard to move past the block.

He was happy that working out gave him something to put his mind to. But whenever it was done, he was still left with too many thoughts.

He collapsed on the couch in his gym shorts and a tank top, staring up at the ceiling. It felt stupid to talk out into the nothingness, but that’s what he’d been doing recently. If there were things he couldn’t say to people, he could at least say them to nothing. On the inside, they jumbled and confused him.

“I did the right thing, right? I’m... looking out for myself. Even though it’s stupid and hard...” He continued to stare up at the ceiling, and made a shrug. “To be honest, I did want to stay there. With him. I wanted to go on living there. Eating our meals together... But... How do I move on if I’m right there with him?”

He shook his head and sighed.

“What do you want me to do? I’m...” The ridiculousness of the situation makes him angrier with each passing moment. “If you’ve got a better idea, how about you come down and show me!”

No response, as expected.

“I... I don’t know what else to do! I’m trying, you see that! I’m... I’m really trying.” His voice starts to flag by the end. “Munakata...”

 

~ ~ ~

 

Without Sakakura around, the house is very quiet. Munakata has trouble finding things to do that don’t involve work. The more work he does before bed, the more anxious he gets, and then the nightmares happen.

It’s another day where he can’t really sleep. The entire house, smelling like lavender, reminds him of Sakakura.

An uneasy sleep consumes him as he tries to put everything from his mind.

 

~ ~ ~

 

A childishly drawn city is under attack by a comically large Monokuma that makes fake reptilian noises. Alien Monokumas begin to descend and abduct various unnamed townspeople.

And Sakakura is one of the people being abducted! He’s pulled into a UFO.

Munakata is called onto the stage and the tagline appears just as stupid and half-assed as everything else in the design:

DEFENDER OF THE HOPE NEBULA, CAPTAIN SUPER-HOPE!  
SAVE THE DAY, “HERO” OF THE INNOCENT!!

In what can only be described as the most ridiculous superhero outfit and cape, he flies off after the UFO.

After taking down multiple gunships, he finally breaks into the mothership. Ignoring all the other people locked in cages, he runs right for Sakakura.

The man’s cage is out of reach. Every time he reaches for it, he just can’t seem to grab it. For some reason, his super powers aren’t working??

While reaching for the cage to save the day, alien Monokumas appear.

They shoot lasers at him that have no effect until a green pulsing orb hits him right in the eye. It’s... “despaironite”!

With his powers now gone, the enemy troopers reduce him to sprays of gore with comic sound effects shown like ZAP, POW, WOOSH!

In the end, the green orb of “despaironite” rolls away from his corpse. An alien janitor begins to hose down the floor. And as the UFO armada begins to clear the solar system, Earth explodes for some reason.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Munakata shoots awake, dripping in sweat.

“Sakakura!”

The impulse to find him is so strong he’s not sure how to process it. He knows it was another nightmare but...

He rushes down to Sakakura’s room and opens it to find... nothing. His first instinct is panic, until he remembers that Sakakura lives somewhere else now.

“Oh...”

He mumbles stupidly as he sits on Sakakura’s bed. Everything still smells like him. He lies down. The bed is hard and smells like Sakakura. He smiles to himself. He’d known it was only temporary, hadn’t he?

But after everything that happened, there was something in him that didn’t want Sakakura to be out of his sight. That he couldn’t protect him if he was too far away, or that he’d look away and Sakakura would actually be dead. Another friend lost to the chaos of despair.

_”What are you doing waiting around for? He’s your friend isn’t he?”_

He can almost perfectly imagine what Yukizome would say at a time like this. She’d be mad at him for his indecision. She might even hate him.

_”I don’t hate you but I think you’re too much in your head. You should trust your instincts more. What do YOU think? What do YOU want?”_

“I... don’t know what i want.”

_”That’s not true, or you wouldn’t be here. So, then. What do you want?”_

“He... What if Juzo doesn’t want to see me? I don’t want to hurt him any more than I already have.”

_”Look over there."_

He turns his gaze over to the nightstand next to the bed. It’s rather simple except for a light and... there’s a framed picture of him. Of when he was giving a speech. Seeing it shocks him. It’s such an old picture of him. Sakakura... has had it all this time...?

_”If Sakakura were here, what would you say to him? And... once you think of that... You should say it to his face!”_

 

He picks up the picture frame and runs, sprints, out of the house and tears down the streets like a madman.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Sakakura nearly has a heart attack when he hears the first crash against his door. He shoots awake nearly instantly. Looking around he can’t tell what time it is, just that it’s late. Where did he put that clock...?

The knocking on the door is some kind of frantic fist on the door.

He cautiously steps out of bed, puts on the prosthetic hand just in case and moves carefully towards the door.

“Who is it?” He asks, sounding gruff and intimidating as possible.

“J... Juzo. It’s... me.” The voice is ragged and out of breath but it’s him!

Sakakura opens the door and Munakata nearly stumbles in, having had his weight pressed on the door. He’s breathing heavily.

“M-Munakata! What happened? Are we under attack?”

“N... No.” He manages to breathe out. “I... I needed to... to see you.”

“H... Huh? Take a breath... You’re going to collapse. Did you run all the way here?” Sakakura lets him in at the door and closes it behind him. “Sit down somewhere. I’ll make some tea.”

“For... you too.”

“Huh?”

“I... I could die for you. Juzo. I could die for you!” He says, nearly collapsing onto his knees there, holding the picture of him that Sakakura kept in his room. Sakakura turns to him in disbelief. "I could die... for Sakakura Juzo!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want Asahina and Sakakura to be bros, you know? Asahina needs buff tan sporty friends that are alive!
> 
> Also, unrelated, but I really need a full-length version of "I Won't Say I'm in Love" with Juzo as Meg, and Yukizome as one of the muses. That's about where my despair is, how's everyone else's?
> 
> This fic and my terrible notes brought to you by me, the worst Greek chorus. I'm well on my way to becoming Ultimate Human Disaster.


	11. Cast a Shadow

When Munakata has finally caught his breath, Sakakura helps him to the couch to sit. He’s still shaken, but Sakakura seems almost a little giddy.

“Y... You know, just because you could die for me... doesn’t mean you had to try and prove it.” He says with a small laugh.

Munakata smiles, embarrassed, and then looks at him seriously.

“I’m sorry for coming so late.” He sheepishly hands Sakakura the picture. “This... is yours, right?”

Seeing Munakata with the picture felt like a naughty admission of guilt. It’s not too far off from Munakata catching him masturbating. He blushes at that thought. That’s not something he should be imagining right now.

“Y-Yeah, but... You can keep it.”

“Juzo, I can’t keep a framed picture of myself in my own house.”

“Oh. Yeah. I guess... that’d be weird.” He fumbles over what to say next. “T-Then... just keep the frame and put a different picture in.”

“You don’t want it?”

“I... It’s not appropriate.” He feels guilty and dirty that he ever had it. “You’re my friend. I shouldn’t be...”

“Your feelings for me don’t change anything.” Munakata answers simply. “But, if it’s really what you want I... I won’t push you.”

This is Sakakura’s life. He should be allowed to live it. Coming here was a mistake. He... needed to see him alive. And now he was causing pain again. He was being selfish.

“That’s...”

“I don’t want there to be this distance between us. I wish... Everything I do, and everything I’ve done... It only hurts you, doesn’t it. I want a world of hope for you. But... instead I only know how to drive you further into despair. Enough that you wanted to leave...”

“Shut the fuck up!”

Sakakura stands up. His outburst had frightened him.

“Juzo...?”

“All this shit about hope and despair and it... I don’t care about any of that! I only want you to be happy! And... I want to be happy too. I’m... I’m human just like everyone else is! Do you think I wanted to leave?! Do you think I really wanted to move out?!”

“...”

The tears well up and spill over before he has a chance to stop them.

“I think about you all the time... ‘This is the kind of thing Munakata would like,’ or, ‘This is more Munakata’s style’... and when things happen, you’re still the first person I want to talk to about it. You thought... I wanted to leave? I... I didn’t go because I wanted to.”

He was shaking now. So hard he’s afraid he’ll crumble, or that his voice will waver. Trying to read Munakata, trying to move through the imperceptible way he sized him up. Trying to figure out how he could reach him. 

“I wanted... I wanted to stay. I wanted to stay in that house with you and...” He’d always imagined domestic settings. A life of calm. And there would have been Munakata, if he chose. But... “But I can’t be there because I’ll always want more from you and... I... It’s not fair. It’s not fair to expect so much from you all the time. I want to be stronger than this...”

Munakata stands up, slowly. Deliberately.

“I’m a very selfish person, Juzo. I rely on you too much. But... I also want you to be there. I need more than you know. I don’t want to lose you. I shouldn’t be your hope... and your despair.” Munakata takes a deep breath and blinks back tears. “I never wanted you to go either.”

“I... can’t go back like this. As much as I want to go home I...” And he did think of it as home. “It’s not what’s right for me.”

“Can we... start over?”

“Huh? Start over? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean...” Munakata feels himself beginning to fumble with his words. His thoughts aren’t translating correctly. “As things are now, I shouldn’t be asking you to come back immediately but... My life would be very empty without you in it. Would... you be willing to give us a try?”

Sakakura’s mind goes blank for a moment. All of the color drains from his face.

“Wh...?!”

“I don’t know how good I would be at this, and I also have not completely sorted out my own feelings on the matter but... Would you like to try dating?”

“D-Do you even know what you’re saying?”

They’re both blushing so at least the awkwardness is a shared experience.

“More or less. I want you to be happy, Juzo. And I also... need to assess my own feelings. And if it doesn’t work out, then there might be some closure. I can appreciate what a strange situation this is, and that you are in a delicate frame of mind. I’m not doing it for your sake. This is just as much to do with my own feelings.”

“You... want to date me because of your feelings?”

“That’s... Yes. I don’t want to be away from you for too long. I want to make you happy. I... appreciate your looks and muscular physique. Feelings like that.”

Sakakura can hardly believe what he’s hearing. If Munakata weren’t also blushing, he wouldn’t believe it at all.

“I... I don’t know. I think it might be... too sudden.”

“If you need time to considerate it, I understand.” He takes a deep breath. “We could also go to a counselor. Like a couple’s counselor. I haven’t been a very good friend to you in the past. But... I’m trying now.”

“L-Let me consider it. I...”

“Take as much time as you need.” He places the picture on the table. “If you do want to try, we can go as slow as you’re comfortable. I would... also maybe if you could give me a photo of yourself? And you can keep mine. If you agree that is.”

Munakata felt like it was time go. He’d taken up enough of his time. What he really wanted to do was beg and plead his case, but that came from a feeling of not wanting to be alone.

If he was going to build hope, he shouldn’t act out of despair.

“Wait! Why? Tell me... Why now?” Sakakura is a whirlwind of feelings again.

“Because my friends give me hope. And you most of all. There’s... a lot that I like about you, actually. I think... I could love you, Juzo.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter feels a little all over the place for my liking but I hope it came out okay for everyone else!
> 
> Some behind the scenes action: Every time I finish a chapter I control+f and search "eyes" because the amount of times I forget that Munakata has one eye at this point is truly astounding.
> 
> Look. Look with your special eyes!


	12. It Doesn't Hurt Me

“You two are exhausting!” Asahina grumbles over lunch. “You’re making it too hard on yourselves.”

Makoto and Asahina continue their lunch.

“I didn’t even say anything.” Sakakura furrows a brow.

“You don’t have to. The two of you have been weird all day.”

“We have not.”

“You have! You really aren’t good at this, are you?”

“We’re...” He grits his teeth, looking away from her. “We’re working on it.”

“Happiness shouldn’t be this hard. Aren’t you just making this more difficult than it needs to be?”

“What do you care?” He grimaced at her (probably accurate) description of the day. It had been like that since their discussion that night. He tried to put it from his mind for now.

“Because we’re friends! And...” Asahina suddenly becomes very serious, her voice lowering in register. “When Junko had us in the school during the first killing game, I... had a friend who was a lot like you.”

“You’re talking about Sakura, right?” Makoto asks and Asahina nods.

“She was strong and kind, and she was always really protective of us. But she... was forced to betray us. Junko blackmailed her too. And she was forced to be Junko’s mole. And just as easily, Junko discarded her and revealed everything. And... everyone hated her or was afraid of her...”

“...”

“But she...” Asahina begins to tear up thinking about it. “She’s just like you, Sakakura. She... Even when everyone else had cast her aside, she’s the one who risked her life and helped us get out. Even if she didn’t make it out alive, she wanted all of us to live and not kill each other. You were willing to... die for everyone to get out. I... I wanted Sakura to get out and be happy too. That’s why I definitely want you to be happy, Sakakura!”

There’s a knot that forms in his stomach. This girl... wants him to be happy.

“What if I told you... that I could’ve stopped it all? Before it happened.”

“Huh?”

“...We investigated Enoshima and... I betrayed Munakata in the end for that...! That’s why _I_ wanted to be the one to kill her.”

“So what? You were blackmailed, right? Even if you hadn’t... who knows... Junko ended up having all kinds of backup plans.”

“Asahina’s right. You should focus on the things you can do now. You’re a hero.” Makoto smiles brightly.

“...When someone like you says it, it feels cheesy.”

“But it’s true. You saved us. You saved all of us. Just like Sakura did.” At once she stood up, hands on her hips. “And that’s why I’m going to find a donut even you can eat.”

“Huh...? That’s why?”

 

~ ~ ~

 

“How was your day?” Munakata asks after work. They decide to spend a night in at Munakata’s place because Munakata says he has something for him. “You look happy.”

“I... Yeah, I guess I am.” He murmurs, a little embarrassed. “I was... forgiven today.”

“Forgiven? By who?”

“It’s not important. It... made me really happy is all.”

“That’s good. I’m glad. You look good when you’re happy.”

Sakakura tries not to take that as a come-on but he really isn’t sure.

“S-So... What did you want me for?”

“I have something to give you.”

“A present?”

“Not as grand as all that. It’s... something that’s yours. Close your eyes.”

“Really?”

“I want to put it on you.”

“P-Put it on me...?” Why did his mind suddenly go to the dirtiest places imaginable?

Munakata looks at him expectantly and he closes his eyes waiting.

There’s a ruffle of fabric, something vaguely synthetic. He waits and he feels something slip over his arm and then something up over the other arm like he’s being dressed with... a coat?

“Open your eyes.”

He does and looks down to see his dark green jacket with the black fuzzy hood. It’s an odd mix of emotions to have it back and to be reminded of that place again.

“What...?”

“The doctors had to remove it while you were in the hospital to fix your hand and other injuries. It... was quite bloody.” Munakata says, now sounding sad. No. It’s guilt, Sakakura recognizes Munakata is feeling guilty. “And it wasn’t all in one piece after they cut it off you... that and the shoulder and...”

He looks over at the shoulder trying to get a closer look. It’s been sewed up tightly, though there are some mistakes in the sewing that make it obvious that it’s a kind of patch job.

“I’m amazed you got all the blood out of it...” Sakakura looks towards the left sleeve, knowingly.

“It... took some time. I prayed to Yukizome to help me get it right, this was more her kind of thing.”

“Yeah... It was.” He looks to Munakata. “Thank you. Though, I think it would look better on you.”

“Me? Why?”

“Just a hunch.” He says taking the jacket off. As delicately as possible with his prosthetic hand, he holds Munakata’s arm up to get the sleeve through and then the other. At last, the jacket is in place on Munakata instead. “Mm... It kind of suits you with the eye patch.”

“Are you sure? It’s a bit big on me.”

“I think you look good! You look... handsome.” Sakakura fumbles with the words. “You should keep it. It’ll keep you warm.”

“Are you sure?”

“I have other coats.” Though none probably quite so iconic. “And... I like it on you.”

“It makes it seem like...” He looks at Sakakura who has already finished the sentence in his head with a much more impactful ending. “...like you’re keeping me warm, Juzo.”

 _I was going to say it made you look like you’re mine but..._ Sakakura awkwardly flushes.

“Yeah. It’s been cold lately. At least now I won’t have to worry about you getting sick.”

“I don’t get sick that easily.” 

He laughed, and gave Sakakura a warm look that feels like it settles his soul. It’s not quite the look at he’d reserve for Yukizome but... it’s getting closer. Seeing that benign... admiration... makes him flush.

“I... I wanted you to know I was thinking about it and...” It suddenly feels like the hardest thing in the world to do. 

_Yukizome, give me strength..._

“I... I want to go out on a date with you!” It somehow comes out loud and forceful. He sheepishly adds, “If that’s... still something you want to try...”

“Alright. Tomorrow night. It’s a date.” He nods simply.

“Wh- Just like that?”

“Do you already have plans?”

“N-No... Not at all. I just meant...”

“You do owe me a photo though.” He gives Sakakura a pointed look. “That was part of the agreement.”

“I... It’s not like I planned this.”

“Here. Put the jacket on one more time.” He says taking it off and leaving the room. By the time he has it back on, Munakata comes back with a camera. “Alright. Pose.”

“Pose...?”

“Do something cool. Or sexy. Or shy.” He says it so casually it sounds wrong. “Whatever you decide.”

“I have no idea what kind of thing I should be doing.” There’s a sudden kind of panic in his voice.

“Mm... How about something confident.”

“O-Okay. Uh...” He scrunches his face almost in anger. “With Munakata in charge, I’ll help build his hope with my own two hands!”

Now Munakata is too flustered to take the picture. There’s a redness that rushes all over his face and Sakakura’s cool face turns into one of worry.

“What’s wrong? ...No good?”

“It... Made me happy. That’s all.” He tries to keep his voice even.

“Well, hurry up and take a picture. It’s not like you to be so indecisive, Kyosuke.” He crosses his arms and stares into the viewfinder with a cocky grin. 

That’s the shot he needs! The shutter clicks. Munakata can hardly stop staring at the picture on the camera.

“Got it?”

“Yes. I think that works.”

“Okay.” He peels the jacket off and returns it to Munakata. “Here. All yours.”

“...It doesn’t feel right to accept. I did give the jacket to you. I would rather not leave it one-sided. What do you want?”

“Well... I-I mean... There is something you could give me.” This isn’t something he really knows how to put into words.

He leans in closer. He’s sure he must be bright red but it doesn’t matter to him at this point.

“I-It’s... not something I really... Don’t make me say it...”

Munakata smirks and leans forward. Almost tentatively unsure, Sakakura feels his heart beating in his ears. He moves forward just slightly more, hoping that Munakata will take the lead.

And he does.

In a soft but deliberate motion, Munakata closes the distance between them and kisses him, gentle at first. But then it becomes much more intense and deliberate.

Although it is a singular kiss by definition, it’s a bit more like a miniature makeout session. 

His left hand reaches down, the metal pressing against the small of Munakata’s back, drawing him closer. He closes his eyes once he’s sure it’s not a dream. His right hand comes up to cup Munakata’s face. He’s just as flushed and warm as Sakakura, which makes him glad in a way.

The kiss goes on far longer than it probably should have. And Sakakura is just waiting for someone to pull the rug out from under him. 

But it doesn’t happen. It’s just a first kiss, that maybe feels a bit too needy. Maybe a little too intense or too much tongue, but Munakata is eagerly keeping pace with him so...

The kiss ends with them both a bit flushed and out of breath. He’s sure his legs will give out but he manages to keep steady.

Once the kiss ends, they find themselves staring at each other, both of them grinning, though Sakakura’s is more exuberant. Unexpectedly, Sakakura grins without a care in the world and presses his forehead against Munakata’s.

Then the click of the camera.

Munakata smiles to himself as he checks the camera.

“This is the one I think I’ll keep but... maybe I can still do something with the first one. Juzo did look pretty cool then.”

“Wh... What... did you do?”

“I took our picture.”

“I know that. I mean why?!”

“Because you were happy. And I don’t get to see you smile as often as I’d like.”

“T-That’s...”

“See? It’s a good picture.”

He shows Sakakura the camera while the man’s trying to figure out if he’s angry, flustered, or happy. It... It is a really good picture.

“...”

“Do you want a copy?”

“Y-Yeah... I ... kinda do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First there was hurt. Now let us begin the comfort!
> 
> Juzo's maiden power...! It's... IT'S OVER 9000!!


	13. Cadencia

Sakakura waits again at the hospital for his bloodwork to be done. But today is better than most days. In fact, today’s better than a lot of days.

He has a date tonight.

Even with Fukawa and Komaru there to annoy him and keep him company until Munakata can pick him up, he can’t stop staring off dreamily into space.

“...What’s with him today?” Komaru asks, a little worried.

“Mm... He’s... in full maiden mode. Waiting for Prince Munakata.” Fukawa sneers lewdly at him. “It’s easy to spot a g-girl in l-love...”

No reaction.

“Eh... He... just took that?” Komaru is absolutely surprised.

“I-I’ll be he takes it... lots of ways... Isn’t that right, S-Snow White...?”

“Touko, don’t bait him like that. It’s not nice.”

“He won’t react...”

“Go to hell, you smelly bitch.” He states simply and without emotion or malice.

“Ack! He reacted!”

“I told you...”

“Don’t you have somewhere better to be? Like hiding behind a bush masturbating to that Togami heir?”

“L-Listen you... no one gets to speak that way to me... E-Except for Master...”

“You don’t know where he is so you can’t stalk him and go into your gross fantasy world?”

“Come on, you two...” Komaru smiles weakly. “You two are friends...”

“I’ve done it!” A loud feminine voice barges into the room. Asahina comes in with some kind of package of something. “I’ve finally done it!”

“How l-lewd... no one wants to h-hear about your s-sexcapades!”

“Not that!” She glares at Touko before turning to Sakakura and hands him the package. “I’ve finally found a donut that you _can_ eat!”

“Huh? This again?”

“It’s not home made or anything but I did make the frosting myself!”

Sakakura gives her a quizzical look as he opens the package.

And pulls out... a bagel.

“Th-That’s not a donut, idiot swimmer girl! Th-That’s just a bagel!”

“He can’t eat donut donuts so this is a non-donut donut!”

“Is that cream cheese?” Komaru looks at it. It is indeed a bagel, uncut, with cream cheese “icing” on top of it.

“Y-You can’t call that a donut! Just because you put s-some cream cheese f-frosting on it!”

“Ah.... Actually... it’s just cream cheese.” Asahina admits. “I looked at Sakakura’s diet but he can’t have a lot of artificial sweetener stuff so... It’s just cream cheese.”

“Th-That absolutely is not a donut!”

“Shut up, yes it is! It’s round and has a hole in it!”

“S-So do tires and inner tubes!”

“Yeah, but you can’t eat those things.”

“Uh... Sakakura?” Komaru looks at him, worried.

Sakakura is staring at the ‘donut’. Shaking. Trembling. Trembling so hard she isn’t sure what to do.

“Uh...” Asahina’s joy quickly dampens.

And then Sakakura begins to laugh.

Truly laugh.

A frightening laugh. It’s so loud and raucous that it catches everyone else by surprise, as Sakakura Juzo, boxing asshole extraordinaire, laughs and slams the table with his fist as tears fall down his face from laughter.

“Th... This is...” He stops momentarily to look at Asahina. She’s never seen such a peaceful expression on his face. “Thank you. Thank you so much. I... really appreciate it... Thank you.”

“O-Oh. It... It was nothing. Just be careful not to aggravate your stomach.”

“...S-Scary... A n-new reaction...” Fukawa mutters darkly. 

“...Is everything okay in here? I heard... laughter.” Munakata peeks in. “It’s... always you guys, isn’t it.”

“Munakata.” Sakakura immediately stands up. He places the ‘donut’ back in the package. “Are you ready?”

“...Um... Yes. We’re all done.”

“Good. We should go.” Sakakura is full of energy today.

Maybe it has something to do with Munakata wearing his old jacket. It’s a bit big on him, but it’s a good color too. Sakakura has the faintest of blushes seeing him wear it like that.

“Alright. Then, we’ll be going.”

“Hey, Asahina. Next time donuts are on me.”

“Okay!”

The two leave the room quietly and quickly.

“Wait. When he says that, would that mean... Regular donuts or... bagels?”

“He... He was wearing his jacket...” Touko mutters to herself. “H-He... was wearing his... Ohhhh I’ve got so much inspiration....!! I’m on fire!”

“...That was Sakakura’s jacket.” Asahina acknowledges. “Did... something happen?”

“Gay things happened!!”

“Touko!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I forgot that the kanji for Juzo's name actually make up the number 13. So I decided to leave this piece of extra fluffy fluff here... instead of some possibly despair-filled events later on...
> 
> I almost unironically said "upupu" which I think means I need Sakakura to punch me right in the face, you know?


	14. Heavy Weight

Their first date ever, ruined.

His own first date ever, ruined.

Sakakura is fuming like a madman, all wildfire and fists. Knocking out rioters left and right. While his own knuckles are bruised and raw and starting to bleed, the prosthetic hand shines like new. He’s about to absentmindedly praise Soda before another rioter comes at him.

He nimbly dodges a man with a chain that swings at him. The chain clatters when it misses, but it isn’t long before he reels it back in and throws it again. This time Sakakura lets it coil around his right arm. The man tries to pull him in, but Sakakura can only grin menacingly.

“You picked the wrong day to mess with me, bastard!”

With a surprising amount of grace, he pulls at the line like a dog pulling a leash and the man all but flies forward, right into the metal left hand that sends the man hurtling backwards end over end until he comes to rest unconscious. Sakakura uncoils the chain with a satisfied grunt.

“That was masterful, Juzo. A pleasure to watch you as always.”

Munakata smiles as he disarms and knocks down several rioters with his sword.

Sakakura instantly begins to blush at his kind words, especially seeing him wearing the green hooded jacket. Sakakura can’t help but be impressed by him.

“Don’t say such embarrassing things to me.” He manages to mumble as he socks another rioter in the face. One, two, jab, jab, cross. It’s been a while since he’s been in an actual brawl like this before. He’s only sad it’s not really a challenge.

“I’ve always enjoyed the way you move in a fight.”

“I said cut it out, you’re... giving me goosebumps.”

Despair had been on the decline for weeks now. Once everything had been finally settled, things started to become easier to deal with. Where once Munakata had spent time tracking down the Remnants of Despair to remove them, now they were coordinating reconstruction efforts.

But still there was... so much despair.

It wasn’t uncommon for there to be some civil unrest, but riots like this were rarer. 

A jaw-shattering punch knocks a protester away with expert timing. He notices his right hand is bleeding more intensely now. If he’d known that this was how it was going to go, he would have bound them before all this.

Still, crowd control is something he’s used to.

Protester blood stains his crisp white shirt. The suit jacket is probably too big for him, made for someone even taller or beefier than him, but he’s rolled up his sleeves to keep them from getting too dirty.

“You just don’t get it, do you... Despair is dead!” He growls avoiding a shovel. He blocks the next strike with his left hand on instinct, momentarily afraid it might crack the metal, but it doesn’t. Instead, he wrests the shovel away, and knocks the protester upside the head with it. “If you can’t believe in hope, then you should just hurry up and die. That can be your despair. Leave the rest of us out of it.”

He throws the shovel away and lets it clatter to the ground, resisting the urge to kick the rioter when they’re down.

He lets his eyes wander over to Munakata. The man is a beast. Even with one eye down, he’d anticipated there would have been more errors in his form, or mistakes with his depth perception.

But as usual, Munakata is perfect.

His attention is drawn to one rioter, a woman rushing forward with a downed stop sign. Without missing a beat, he raises his fists and gets ready for another brawl.

The sudden intense headache is a surprise, as his vision turns double. He stumbles forward and down on one knee, momentarily stunned. 

He gets up, turning weakly to see a rioter has picked up the shovel and just clobbered him with it. The pain is non-existent, he can’t feel it. But the disorientation is the main issue.

Still, he’s able to knock the rioter down and push him away. When he turns, the woman is nearly right in front of him. She thrusts the stop sign like a spear that hits him dead in the stomach.

All the air is pushed out of his lungs as he does his utmost not to double over, managing to disarm her before collapsing on all fours. 

He... can’t breathe!

Something hot and sour rises up his throat and he vomits up mostly bile, momentarily glad he hasn’t had his ‘donut’ yet. He can’t catch his breath, coughing and spasming wildly.

Munakata knocks out the rioter who had the shovel with a quick motion and with clean movements has stepped in front of him.

The woman picks up the stop sign again and brandishes it, but Munakata easily slices her weapon in half. Sakakura can’t see the menace in his eye, but he can hear it in his voice.

“Down.” He orders to her as he moves in. In one quick motion, he’s slipped his leg behind her and tripped her, sending her flat on her back. When she tries to get up he steps on her arm, and plunges the sword through her hand and the ground, pinning her in place. “And stay down.”

Before she can really start to scream and wail with the sword pinning her hand in place, Munakata moves in and stomps her face, knocking her out and possibly breaking her nose.

It’s an overreaction, he’s aware. But he doesn’t care.

“Sakakura...” He moves down to help him, but Sakakura shakes his head. Another gush of bile spews out of his mouth. “Is... Is it your stomach?”

There’s concern there, heavily tinted by his own guilt. He can’t see any blood spreading on Sakakura’s clothes, but... did they do something to his stomach? He... can’t bear the thought of the injury he inflicted causing Sakakura such pain now.

“K... Kyosuke....” He manages to choke out. He can almost breathe now, in shallow sputtering breaths. He spits out the sour taste of bile, trying not to look too disgusting for him.

“It’s alright. Help is on the way.”

He wonders if that’s true, but... Munakata would know better than he would.

The spasms continue, and his vision slowly begins to clear. Frustration at his own weakness and the spoiled date come together.

When he feels he’s able to, Munakata takes a hold of him, lifting his right hand. For a moment, Sakakura wants to laugh because it looks like he’s trying to say he won the boxing match. Instead, he’s hoisted up and Munakata helps him walk.

Which is fine too.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Sakakura grumbles again at the hospital. He’s just managed to get the taste of bile out of his mouth. Now all he can taste is gross cold peppermint. His knuckles on his right hand have been bandaged. There’s some dried blood, not his, on the left hand.

“Although there is cause to worry, it appears he was just hit in the solar plexus. The shortness of breath would be spasms in the diaphragm. To the best of our knowledge, nothing has ruptured.” The doctor had explained.

“Well, that’s a relief.” Munakata nodded appreciatively.

Sakakura had felt like a damn fool. He’d had the wind knocked out of him before. He’d had concussions like the one he received from the shovel to the back of the head.

“The vomiting might be from the concussion, or possibly some strain on the stomach. But you’re walking around and have no difficulty speaking or other noticeable issues. I would say you’re alright to go home, but you should be kept under observation all the same. Do you have someone to stay with you?”

“I’ll stay with him.” Munakata had said it to effortlessly. Sakakura gave a small nod with a blush. Munakata was so much better at this than he was.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Munakata demanded - although maybe that was too strong a word, maybe “insisted” fit the situation better - that he stay with him at his place for the night. Sakakura blushed again at the implication, but he couldn’t see any hint of shame in Munakata’s face.

“I’m sorry the date didn’t go the way you wanted.” Munakata said in a low voice once they were back. He took Sakakura’s coat.

“Yeah... Well...” He mumbled. “I... wanted something... something special. For the first date.”

His first date with someone he really cared about. Might as well have been his first date, period. And it... never went according to plan.

“There’s always the second date.”

“Huh?”

“...After first comes second.” He deadpanned.

“I know that!”

“What, were you thinking I wouldn’t go out with you again?”

The thought of it makes Sakakura flustered and warm, and he’s sure he’s some kind of pink. That’s right. Munakata wasn’t the type to give up so easily, he mused. He’d seen him at his lowest, and probably put him there himself if he were honest... but...

Even then, he wasn’t turning away from him.

“...It crossed my mind.” He answered honestly.

“The evening was nice, as much as it was just the two of us. Dinner was good until the riot. And we managed to stop more despair. I can think of worse dates.”

“It... Well... Yeah. That’s true.”

“And you looked... handsome.” Sakakura immediately turns bright red, and even Munakata is blushing which is a relief considering how much blushing he does. “Seeing you fight. It reminded me of your championship battle.”

“You’re... really too much.” He stammers, and hates that because it reminds him of Fukawa in all the wrong reasons. “You were... hot too.”

“The jacket wasn’t that warm.”

“You know what I mean, don’t make fun of me!”

“Haha... Sorry.” He smiles. There’s a kind of confidence he just can’t match. “You’re staying in my room, by the way. I do need to keep an eye on you.”

“...”

“But nothing more than sleeping. It is the first date.”

“You’re killing me.” Sakakura says, half-joking but Munakata seems to take it the wrong way. It instantly sours his mood, and now Sakakura feels awkward. “I’m... going to take a shower.”

“Alright.”

 

He comes out wearing his white sleevless undershirt and the slacks. It took a bit longer to bind his knuckles again and putting ointment on them. He nearly goes for his old room, but remembers what Munakata said.

He knocks on the door gently. His stomach all aflutter even though there’s no reason for it.

When Munakata says he can come in, he takes a deep breath and walks in.

Munakata’s pajamas are immaculate and as one would expect, simple and warm, if somewhat formal.

“How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine.” 

He shuffles over to the other side of the bed and instinctively begins to peel off his shirt and tosses it to the side on the floor. The pants come off in quick succession and then it’s just him in his underwear.

The realization of what he’s just done crosses his mind as he turns around. Munakata is staring at him, eye wide and blushing brightly.

“I... I don’t have any pajamas here and...” This is how he normally went to sleep anyway.

“I’d... let you borrow something, if you prefer.”

“Nah. It’s fine.” He moves into bed and covers his lower half with the sheets, awkwardly.

They settle and Sakakura stretches before lying on his side. He isn’t sure he can look directly at him in this situation.

He nearly jolts when he feels the hand on his back.

“Sorry. I...” Munakata for once, seems as shy as Sakakura. This must be too direct, even for him. “I forgot how muscular your back was.”

“Is... that what you were staring at?”

“Yes. And... the scars.”

“It’s not your fault.” He says as if it’s obvious.

“It... is my fault.”

“Yeah, but it’s also not!” He says turning to face him, eyes serious and combative.

“That doesn’t make sense, Juzo.”

“You...” He flinches at actual logic used on him. “You tell me not to worry about things I’ve done, so you don’t get to fixate on mistakes you’ve made either. I mean, look at me. I’m... mostly fine!”

“...I can only hope you’ll be patient with me.”

Without thinking, Munakata places his hand to Sakakura’s belly and feels the scar. It’s still there, but it doesn’t look nearly as scary and gnarly as it did before. Now it’s just a battle wound on... very nice abs.

Sakakura takes Munakata’s hand and then puts it on the scar of his shoulder where he was struck with the spear. This one is a little more intense of a scar. The one he’d given him was smooth and clean. The shoulder one looks like it took a chunk out of him.

“See? Still good. All in working order.”

He flexes his bicep and Munakata turns vermilion when he feels the muscle move and bulge. That was... unexpected.

“Uh oh... looks like someone likes my guns.”

“Are you teasing me now?”

“Oh, you fucking bet I am.”

“Please don’t.” He mumbles looking away. “I’m... having very complicated emotions right now.”

“You don’t want some tickets to the gun show?” He flexes again but Munakata doesn’t dare look.

“No, thank you.” He says curtly.

“Aw, okay... How about a headlock then? Feel them work? ...Boyfriend noogie?”

“Absolutely not.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, a chapter where Munakata blushes just as much as Sakakura. Maybe more.
> 
> Also boyfriend noogies are a thing I hope happens. Although it'd be like being strangled by a python so...


	15. Volcada

The slew of brainwashed Reserve Course students flood the area but they don’t approach. Instead they part themselves like a school of fish as a queenly figure on a Roman-style litter, held up like a goddess on her mobile platform, and she smiles down maliciously.

“Hey there!” She waves.

Instinctively he levels his sword at her.

“Enoshima Junko.”

“Ahh... Looks like your guard dog went and spilled his guts about me after all. Upupuuu...” She gives the weird giggle. “Did he feel despair when he told you? Did you cruelly reject his maiden heart...?”

“This ends here.”

“Not so fast. I’m not done with you.” She chuckles ominously. “I was hoping the closet case would betray you and keep quiet about me. There he could live in permanent despair, having to live with his betrayal and guilt. A beautiful despairful ending for everyone!”

Her eyes narrow, and the chipper voice begins to drop.

“But... it turns out your homo buddy buddy grew a conscience and a backbone. And now there’s no despair left for either of you. That’s why I came up with another fun plan! The mutual Killing Game came to Hope’s Peak too late. Your class made it hopefully away from harm. But that’s no fun, is it?”

She pulls on what looks to be a leash and someone steps forward.

Munakata’s eyes widen seeing the figure there... Sakakura! Chained up on a dog collar with a vacant expression.

“Sakakura Juzo’s despair would be harming his best friend and forbidden romance, Munakata Kyosuke. And Munakata Kyosuke...” She smiles unnaturally wide. “His despair is having his friends die and being all alone. With no hope and no friends, what use is there in building a future past despair...? So that’s why... I’ve decided to kill two lovebirds with one stone!”

She unhooks the leash and lets the collared Sakakura step forward.

“Do me a favor, Sakakura? ...Show him despair.”

“Yes. Mistress.”

“N...No. Sakakura...”

“Why the sad face?” He asks readying his boxing stance, right hand leading left, southpaw style. “Does not being able to save me fill you with despair? I'm..." There's a twisted smile to the eyes that aren't his. "I’m... so flattered!”

He rushes forward so fast he barely has the time to dodge the punch as it grazes his cheek. The left hook swings by and knocks him for a loop. He stumbles, spinning to the ground, blood coming from his nose.

“Sakakura! You... You don’t have to do this!”

“It’s not a question of if I have to...” He moves slowly towards him like a hyena. “It’s if doing this will cause the most despair. And I can see it in your eyes. Let’s see how much despair you can take!”

Munakata stands uncertainly, holding his sword in front of him with shaking hands.

“Please... Please don’t make me do this!”

“How could I pass up the chance to fist my best bro?” He laughs, loudly and perversely. “But if you’re unwilling I think I can help. How do you want me?”

“Come on, you two. Move it along, please~” Junko waves out from her comfortable distance. Some of the Reserve Course are fanning her or feeding her grapes.

“I’ll give you a hand.” He walks forward, still laughing. Always laughing. The sword is an inch from his belly, but he doesn’t seem to care as he walks into it. There’s initial resistance but... Sakakura doesn’t care or seem to feel the pain as he walks onto the sword until it protrudes out of him.

Munakata lets go of the sword, shaking visibly.

“I’ve always dreamed of having you penetrate me, Kyosuke...”

“N-No... Juzo...” The madness in his eyes is evident.

“Hey, Sakakura!” A feminine voice calls out from the sidelines. Yukizome waves cheerfully. “Do your best, okay?”

“Y-Yukizome! Not... Not you too...”

“What’s the matter, tough guy...?” Sakakura moves more sluggishly with the sword but still moves. “I thought you were going to eradicate despair? Well... ERADICATE ME!”

The punch comes faster than Munakata can see and it leaves him seeing double.

“You’re always... so high and mighty when it comes to hope.” Blood seeps from his wounds in a constant spray. Already Sakakura looks pale and shaky. “I can’t say I don’t enjoy having you fixated on me so intently.”

“Please... Please stop, Juzo!”

“Please...? Did you forget this is mortal combat? Should... Should I just finish you?”

The sword protrudes from him obscenely. He isn’t sure what he should be doing but... fighting back seems wrong. He drops to his knees, unsure of how to proceed.

“I know... I know... I know that you’re still in there, Juzo! You... You need to fight! Don’t give into despair!”

A strong kick to his chest sends him sprawling onto his back as Sakakura moves forward awkwardly like a marionette, his movements suddenly herky jerky.

His maddened expression is clearly sneering at him, but tears have started to pool in his eyes and stream down them unbidden. The maniacal look in his eyes doesn’t let up, even as the tears pour freely.

“Sakakura! Go for the gold! World champ!” Yukizome cheers loudly but everyone else is silent.

Sakakura drops to his knees, though it’s not clear if it’s because he wants to or he can’t stand anymore. In either case, he crawls with the collar gleaming over to Munakata, now straddling him, blood pouring down from the wound and all over Munakata.

“Juzo...!”

“You think friendship can save you...? You... think if you wish hard enough, a miracle will occur?” He laughs bitterly, still weeping in spite of his crazed persona. “What animes have you been watching...?”

“Juzo...”

“I’m... leaking all over you. This... is a dream come true.” He leans over and kisses Munakata who is too numb to respond. It’s a surprisingly gentle kiss, almost loving.

Yukizome cheers and whistles in the back.

“Woooooo! Finally~!”

“J.. Juzo... please...”

“I get... to kill the person I love the most... The man I’ve loved... since... I don’t remember when. Such... despair...!! I can’t... handle it...” He coughs up a little blood onto Munakata’s shirt. “Kyosuke... I love you. I love you so much!”

Enoshima Junko lounges there and reaches out her hand. 

Thumbs down.

The fist swings down and blackness overtakes him.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Munakata jolts out of bed so violently he falls out of bed, tugging pillows and blankets behind him as he goes. There’s a loud crash that also wakes Sakakura up, who’s still bleary-eyed and exhausted.

“Kyosuke...? Are you okay?”

Munakata looks up at him in disbelief, tears had already begun to form as he begins to cry. It’s... not the normal way that he’s seen Munakata cry. This is... like a hopeless child crying.

Sakakura immediately launches himself out of the bed, naked except for his underwear, taking more of the blankets with him in his haste as he scrambles to him.

When he gets too close, Munakata freezes and stops him from moving closer with his arms outstretched up against his chest.

“Wh... What’s wrong? Was it a nightmare..? I... It’s okay. I’m here. Look at me. I’m here.”

That’s part of the problem. But...

He looks him over. The missing left hand. The scar on his shoulder. The scar on his belly. He... It wasn’t like this in... the dream?

At once he launches himself into Sakakura’s arms and sobs into his chest.

“I’m... so glad... You’re... You’re really okay... Don’t... Don’t be dead...” Munakata is shaking like he’s shivering, his words come out jumbled and wrong. “Juzo...”

Sakakura holds him tight and grabs one of the fallen blankets to drape around him.

“It’s okay... I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.” He speaks soothingly as he holds him tight, so tight he’ll never doubt that he’s there.

He can’t take the nightmares away. But he knows he can be there once he wakes up. And he hopes that it’s enough.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> despair!juzo is brought to you in part by Hyakunana on Tumblr aka gemini_polux on twitter
> 
> There was a lot of gushing from me and somehow we managed to think of the worst thing ever which is despair!juzo like honestly seeing him with the crazy swirly eyes would ruin me... which is what I imagine would have happened if Juzo had been honest about Junko in the first place, like she knows where he lives.
> 
> Anyway enjoy the despair upupupu @u@


	16. Pareja tomada

Sakakura tells him to stay home that day, but he doesn’t listen. He hears all about the dream and can tell how shaken he is, but he still won't listen.

Instead, Sakakura frowns, goes home to get dressed, and meets him at work. When they’re there, Munakata is gloomy. Cold and distant. Even to him, but especially to everyone else.

He has moments of being stern, but there’s definitely an edge to it.

“What exactly are we looking for?” Everyone scours the records room while Munakata types on an old computer.

“Records, building permits, contractor information.” Munakata speaks without looking. “Things we can use to find architects or workers who can help build more shelters and buildings back up.”

“Meh. Boring.” Touko busies herself, writing at her desk.

“You could help, you know!” Asahina yells from across the room. And is ignored. “Geez...”

The mood is tense as they try to locate whatever it is, but it’s really not clear what it is in the first place.

“I don’t even know what any of these mean...”

“That’s because you didn’t p-pay attention in literature class, dumb cow.”

“Well if you’re so smart, then come help!”

“Just ignore her.” Sakakura rolls his eyes. “Try looking for financial stuff. There’s always signatures on bills or invoices or... whatever.”

“Haha... the m-maiden doesn’t know either...”

“Makoto, use your luck!”

“...Huh?”

“I dunno. Point at a shelf and that’s where we’ll look!”

“I don’t think my luck works like that.”

“Who cares?”

Makoto looks around the room, trying to find some kind of intuition. His eyes settle on a pair of dusty tomes on top of the bookshelf. “How about there?”

“You had to pick the hardest ones to get to?”

“You... told me to pick.”

“Ugh, fine... Uh...” Asahina is absolutely too short to reach it. “Sakakura, you’re tall.”

“...If you want my help, at least ask for it first.”

He rolls his eyes and approaches the bookshelf. It’s only a little bit out of reach.

Munakata turns around.

Sakakura reaches up with his right hand, straining to reach.

“You can do it!”

“I know I can, relax.” He barks at Asahina. She’s worse than Yukizome.

Straining, nearly on tiptoes he fumbles to catch the binding of it. Eventually, slowly... so... slowly... he’s got it! Pulling at the book, he lowers it from the shelf, and smirks in victory.

“I got it!” He says and Makoto lightly claps.

“Blegh... dusty...” Asahina moves away, the book’s dust is falling into her face.

“Ah, sorry. Here. Look in this one. I’ll try and get the other...”

He looks over to Munakata.

He’s aghast, and crying.

“Huh...?”

He doesn’t get it at first until Munakata rushes over like a whirlwind and grabs his left hand. He’s thoroughly examining the metal prosthetic until he feels where the it means real flesh.

“Hey... Hey!” He grips Munakata’s arm to get his attention. Asahina and Makoto are stunned into silence. “It’s me! We’re not there anymore! We made it out, remember? Kyosuke!”

He lets go of Munakata and tugs on the prosthetic hand, pulling it off.

“Remember? We made it out. We aren’t there anymore. Snap out of it.”

Munakata sees all of this happening and for some reason it doesn’t all immediately click. And then, he remembers. He looks down. he’s wearing Sakakura’s old jacket. In the other place...

“Juzo.” He momentarily flounders before shaking his head. “I’m... I’m sorry about that.”

Sakakura puts the prosthetic back.

“Eh? What’s that? A lover’s tiff...?” Touko looks up from her work.

“Not now, Touko.”

“Hehe... N-Nothing a l-little... penetration can’t f-f-fix... H-Healing c-c-”

Before Sakakura can respond, Munakata has moved towards her like a deadly force.

He kicks her desk so hard it swerves clockwise and scatters her papers everywhere. From there, it’s just Touko sitting dumbfounded in a chair.

A sword is held mere inches from her face.

“Never say those words again.”

“Hey... That’s enough.” Makoto frowns and moves towards Munakata. The sword gleams as it turns towards him.

He doesn’t notice Sakakura until he’s gripped Munakata’s sword arm.

“Hey. I hate to admit it, but the kid’s right. You’re going too far.” He peers back to Touko. “Fukawa didn’t know what she was saying. She’s very sorry. Aren’t you.”

At once Touko all but flops out of the chair to kowtow, repeatedly bowing.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” She chants it over and over long past anyone cares to listen.

Munakata gives him a distant look and pulls his arm away. He reaches the door of the records room. It’s closed.

He slashes it in half and it falls to pieces as he walks through.

“Shit...” Sakakura mumbles before heading towards the door. The others in the room are stunned, aside from Touko who’s still apologizing. He’s never really had to apologize on Munakata’s behalf before. “Uh... Munakata’s going through some... heavy stuff so... Yeah. Sorry about that. Um... Keep doing whatever it is we were doing or... or don’t. Whatever. Bye.”

The worst formal apology anyone’s ever given.

 

It doesn’t take long to find Munakata. Partly because he knows to follow stunned people, and it’s more obvious when he sees the empty boardroom with no more door. People seem to be curious but no one dares to enter but him.

Munakata is there by the edge of the room, staring up at the chandelier. Sakakura sighs to himself.

_Yukizome would be so much better at this... Good to know we’re both thinking of her..._

He approaches but stops. Munakata has turned, and is now pointing the sword at him.

“Ahhh... back to this again, huh?”

Sakakura stares down the sword. Munakata makes no movement.

“You don’t want to hurt me.” He stares at the blade. “But you would, if you had to, I know. But don’t forget, if you can believe anything, it’s that we’re on the same side.”

“...”

“No good? Well, then... finish what you started.” He says and gently lifts the blade with his right hand, middle and index fingers, which begin to trickle blood onto the ground until he points it at his stomach where it had been before. “If you really think I’m Despair, then I won’t stop you. Because I believe in what you’re doing. I don’t always care so much about hope, but I do believe in yours. If I’ve given you that much reason to doubt me, then do it.”

There’s no reaction except for tense breathing from Munakata.

“What’s wrong? Afraid I’ll live again? I am good at that. Tell you what...” He moves up to the point of the sword and kneels. He sits on his knees and waits before he takes the tip of the sword and puts it up to his chest near his heart. “If you decide I’m despair, go ahead. You’ll definitely kill me this time. What do you say, Kyosuke? Your hope is worth dying for. Go ahead.”

For the briefest of moments, the sword waves and lowers.

And in that moment, Sakakura has sprung up on his heels. He charges him like a full body check, and slams Munakata against the wall with a sickening thud that shakes the chandelier.

He’s pinned his sword flat against the wall with one hand, while the other arm presses up against Munakata’s neck. With a few harder than normal slams on Munakata’s sword hand, the blade drops and clatters to the floor.

“Look at me.” He says. Munakata can feel him trembling. Is he... afraid? He can’t... “I said look at me!!”

Munakata stares at him now.

“Look me in the eyes. Do I... look dead to you? Do I... look like Despair to you?”

“J... Juzo...”

“I’m... I’m not him. I’m not the one you saw in that dream. I’m the real Sakakura Juzo, and if you don’t snap out of it, I will knock you flat! Do you hear me?!”

He releases his grip, shaking, and blinking back tears.

“I’m... I’m sorry.” Munakata says at last.

“It’s... okay. I mean... don’t do it again and all but... You can tell people what you want. You can tell them you’re afraid. You can tell me at least.”

“I... think... I think I want to go home...”

“Yeah, duh. You need rest. And...” He’s acutely aware that there are other people nearby. “I’ll schedule the rest. Come on.”

There’s a momentary hesitation.

“We’re partners you know? You can trust me. Like I said, hope isn’t my thing but... I want to help you build yours. If it’s too much for you alone... Well, I’ve got good arms. Right?”

“...” Munakata smiles. And for a moment... he sees the trace of the smile that he’d reserved for Yukizome. “Yeah.”

He looks back and sees Asahina there. When he nods, she gives a sigh of relief and stars to try ushering people away.

“Then... Let’s go home, Kyosuke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I should... probably apologize to Fukawa later." Munakata admits.  
> Sakakura scoffs loudly. "She probably loved it, don't bother."
> 
> ...
> 
> PS I like to imagine that Sakakura picked up Munakata's sword. So Munakata is dressed in Sakakura's jacket, and Sakakura is in like a business suit with the sword.
> 
> How many regular peeps in the Future Foundation are like, "Why did they switch clothes...??"


	17. Same Old Me Again

“I can absolutely handle things for a few days. You need rest more than anyone!” Sakakura had said with a confident smile.

Munakata was... skeptical. “If you’re sure...”

 

~ ~ ~

 

Two days had passed without notable incident. Sakakura understood that they were collecting records. Or, he hoped so. He’d let Munakata take it from there.

Around lunch, Makoto, Komaru, and Asahina settled together to have some tea. Hagakure, who had proven elusive in the whole “work” process, had even shown up. Or had he been found and told to get to work? It was hard to tell.

Even Fukawa was making herself useful. Probably because she’d been scolded.

“Touko, come eat something. Asahina brought food!”

“N-Not a chance... th-that idiot swimmer girl p-probably only has donuts...”

Asahina puffed up her cheeks. Not like Touko was wrong, but still.

Hagakure, who had been up on a ladder getting books to look through leaned over to get something. And that was when it happened.

 

~ ~ ~

 

“You said you had an... ‘episode’. Is that right?”

The psychiatrist looks to Munakata. He nods, slowly, and looks away.

“It... was after a bad dream. I still get those from time to time.”

“What happened?”

“I... had a hard time figuring out what was reality, I suppose. I... It was the first time it’s happened like that. Usually, it’s just the dreams where I’m... there, or can’t get out. But... this time I was awake. It all seemed so real.”

“That’s very common with post traumatic stress. Sometimes the-”

“I know this already. Is there a way to make it stop?”

“It... takes time. We can look into medication, and more intensive therapy...”

“Let’s do that. I can’t do that again.”

“Do what again?”

“Lose control of myself.”

“Why?”

“Why?” What a stupid question. “Because I’m the leader of the Future Foundation.”

“And the others? Are they incapable?”

 

~ ~ ~

 

The crystal ball in Hagakure’s pocket rolls out in slow motion. He immediately dives to grab it but only succeeds in falling off the ladder.

No surprise to anyone, it shatters because it’s glass.

“Ahhh!! Not agaaaaaain...” He bellows melodramatically.

“Hagakure.” Sakakura crosses his arms. “Quit messing around. Clean that up. I want this place spotless.”

“Spotless? What about all the dust?” Asahina mentions but Sakakura ignores her.

Hagakure tearfully goes to gather a broom. Sakakura groans and grabs a garbage can. He begins to pick up shards of glass. Unsurprisingly he seethes as one cuts his palm.

“Damn it.”

“What happened?”

“Nothing, it’s fine.”

He seethes again as he pulls the glass out of his palm.

Fukawa sees this, and the blood. And faints.

“Oh, shit...”

 

~ ~ ~

 

“I’m the leader. It’s my responsibility to keep them safe. I’m building a future for them.”

“Without you they’ll fail?”

“That’s... not what I meant.”

“But it’s how you feel, isn’t it? Your... despair nightmares... they all frame you as the central hero. You feel confident that if you were in control, you could save everyone. And when you’re not, everyone is in jeopardy.”

“That’s...”

“But don’t they always run the risk of being in danger? Isn’t that what life is?”

 

~ ~ ~

 

“What happened?”

“She... saw blood.”

“Touko!” Komaru moves over to see. “This... might be bad.”

“I know, I know. The other one she...”

In an instant, Touko springs up awkwardly with that silly face and... the enormously long tongue.

“Long time no see, Dekomaru!”

“Genocider Syo.” Sakakura narrows his eyes.

“What what what?? Which one is this?”

“This is... Sakakura from the Future Foundation.”

“OH... Yes... Yes... Saki... The broody bottom. That trope is quite popular. Angsty...”

“Hurry up and sneeze before I kill you.” He cracks his knuckles. “I don’t have time to deal with you.”

“Mm... I see... I see... Well, fighting you would be harder than my normal victims, true...” "I don't want to fight you. I just want you gone." From seemingly nowhere, she produces her scissors with a mocking flourish. “You do make a good point, and I can't say I'm fond of this peace and hope thing... And you do look good in that shirt... But you’re exactly my type so I just can’t resist killing a boy like you after all! Kyehahahaha...!!”

A pair of scissors flies in Sakakura’s direction. He blocks it with the left hand, and the scissors bounce off the metal of his prosthetic, and the scissors fly off far right and shattering a window.  
“Um... now isn’t really the time for this...” Komaru can't get a word in edgewise

 

~ ~ ~

 

“Doesn’t Sakakura tell you to trust him?”

“He... Yes. He does.”

“And do you?”

“...” Munakata takes a moment. He knows how he should answer but... “Sakakura is a valued ally.”

“But you don’t trust him to take command?”

“I... It’s difficult for me to let go. He isn’t incapable. But Sakakura has a different temperament. He... can be difficult. He doesn't always get along with people. But he connects to them better than I do.”

“Have you told him this?”

“No.”

“He trusts you, from what it sounds like. He helps you. He believes in you.”

“And I believe in him. Sakakura has strengths that I don’t. He... is better with regular people than I am. And he... cares. He always cares. Even when it puts him in danger. He always does what he thinks is right, even if it isn’t the right thing to do.”

 

~ ~ ~

 

“That was sloppy, Snow White!”

“Go to hell, slug-woman!”

Makoto’s chair collapses out from under him as a pair of scissors nearly slice right into him.  
“Are you okay?” Asahina kneels down, now that things are becoming dangerous. Komaru joins them.

“I’m fine.” Makoto laughs. “I... think it’s safer to stay down here.”

“Are they always like this?”

“...Well...” Makoto pauses. “After Junko, they didn’t want to let Touko join. Because she hadn’t figured out how to control her split personality. Sakakura thought she was too much like Junko... too unpredictable. Maybe worse, because her own motivations were...”

“Aside from obeying Byakuya, her only motivation is mayhem.” Asahina sighs. “Or. I mean. She did do... her part. I guess.”

The sound of fighting continues overhead. Scissors fly, punches are thrown. Who knows who the winner actually is...

“By the way, where is Hagakure?” Komaru asks, mildly concerned. “He went to find a broom...?”

“He probably went to go be lazy somewhere, just forget him.” Asahina says sharply before her stomach grumbles. “...I wish they’d hurry up and stop fighting. I’m hungry...”

 

~ ~ ~

 

“I do trust them. They... have earned that.”

“Then you should try and let go more. You were in a stressful situation, one that would have broken weaker minds. But you also may find reducing stress helps too.”

His phone begins to buzz. He’s got it on vibrate but it continues.

“It’s Hagakure.”

“Do you need to take that?”

Munakata stares at the phone, but decides to turn it off instead.

“No. I trust Sakakura.”

“And... How are things going with Sakakura?”

“Going?”

“You’ve started dating isn’t that right?”

“Ah. Well...” He had said that, yes. “Things are alright. We... sometimes struggle to find equal footing. He’s... better at this than I am. I feel as if I can't compare.”

“In what way?”

“Sakakura has... confidence that I don’t. He has more experience, I think. He knows how to talk me down. And how to comfort me. I feel... I am not as good as he is at it. Sakakura has a more intuitive way of thinking. And... he... believes in me.”

“That sounds nice.”

“He believes in me... even when I don’t believe in myself.” Munakata pauses. “Or him.”

“Yes. That came up before.”

“How... do you get over guilt? I’ve been trying. I hurt him very badly. And then I helped him get better. He...”

“If he gets better, and learns to live without you...?”

“Yes. He... won’t need me. What if he decides to toss me aside. I want to make him happy.” He sighs. “If he figures out I’m not capable... if I can’t bring hope...”

“He says you should help each other. And share the burden.”

“I’m... afraid he’ll see how weak I am. Sakakura... is stronger than I am.”

 

~ ~ ~

 

“C’mon tsundere maiden. You’re starting to bore me! Is this your first time fisting a girl?”

“You are so full of it!”

“I bet you’d like to be... full of it...”

"You're fucking dead. I will beat you ugly... uglier!"

The sound of blows landing and scissors whizzing by goes on for at least another fifteen minutes. Sakakura was strong, but Genocider Syo was faster. And his fists made firewood out of tables and parts of shelving.

At last she landed on the far end of the table with psychotic grace few can hope to match.

“If you’re ready to die now, cherry blossom... I’ll happily take you. I'll turn you into a pincushion and hang you on your Prince's wall!” She sneered with her tongue out. “Go ahead and assume the position!”

Sakakura stands, fuming purple with anger on the other far end of the table. “Assume this!!”

Genocider Syo squawked unnaturally as he brought his fist down on the other side of the table, splintering the wood.

The force of the impact sent the other half of the table high into the air like a seesaw. Teacups still with half-drunk tea, plates, and donuts all came sliding down the table or came smashing back to earth as they had been launched in the air. Genocider Syo had been sent out like a catapult.

“My donuts...!!”

 

~ ~ ~

 

“I think if you heard the way Sakakura talks about you, it would surprise you. You both have deep admiration for each other. However... I think you have to accept that you are still a person. And you can be weak if you need to be. More importantly, if you’re with someone, you need to be alright showing them your weaknesses. Sometimes it is painful, but a good partner will always be there and not make you feel bad for the things you aren’t, or the things you don’t have.”

 

~ ~ ~

 

“I... underestimated you... boxer princess!”

This was getting them nowhere. There was still something he could do. However it was... stupid. Oh well. Time to try it, he figured. He takes a deep breath. 

“Look, over there, it’s Togami!” He points to the doorway.

“What? Master?!”

When she looks away, he lunges. And punches her right in the face. She squeals loudly and hits the bookcase so hard it topples backwards with her.

Technical knockout.

“...That was fucking stupid. Should’ve done that in the first place.”

“You... You’d hit a girl with glasses?!”

“I’ll do it again too if you don’t cut it out!”

“Cut it out...? Cut it out... How about I cut out your heart you filthy-!”

Standing amid the dusty books and fallen shelf, the dust now fills the air. And just as simply as the whole mess started, she sneezes.

“Wh... What h-happened...?”

“Good news, guys!” Hagakure appears, late. “I tried to call Munakata but he didn’t pick up - that's not the good news - the good news is... I found a broom!! ...Why... is everything broken?”

 

~ ~ ~

 

Munakata really doesn’t have the words. He comes to pick up Sakakura after work. All he can do is sit blankly while Fukawa and Sakakura kneel down to apologize. The others, and some of the official guys, are cleaning.

“Uh... Well... Things got out of hand today. And I... reacted badly. Sorry.”

“I-I... also... am sorry... I had a s-small part to play...”

“Small part? You were the whole reason things did get out of hand!”

“I-I wasn’t the one who broke the table!”

“You were the one who broke the window! And tried to kill me!”

“O-Only because you dodged!”

“Like I’d let a gross slime like you take me out, worthless toad. You're lucky I didn't punch you to death.”

“H-How dare you....!! Bara princess Juzo!”

“I forgive you.” Munakata smiles gently. “Sakakura, you should ask the professional cleaners to come in and take care of things. The rest of you should go home.”

“Huh...? I... Yeah. I’ll do that.”

“I’ll wait for you.”

When Munakata is out of earshot, he groans and stands up. But Fukawa stays on the floor.

“What’s your problem?”

“H-He was... a-angry...”

“That’s not what anger looks like.”

“I... I should s-stay... and scrub the floor... w-with my toothbrush.”

“Since when do you have one of those.”

“I don’t have to t-take that from a power b-bottom like you!” Her face contorts into a weird glee. “W-We were b-bad dogs today... bad dogs get... p-punished... W-Whipped... or... s-spanked...”

“...You have some issues don’t you, schizo.”

 

“I’m sorry you had to see all this. I know you’re trying to take it easy. I’ll take care of it. I... wish Yukizome were here, you know?”

Munakata looks up to him, smiling for a moment with admiration.

“You did a good job today.”

Sakakura doesn't like to admit that it made him happy, because it's the kind of thing Fukawa would love too.

“I... I kinda thought you’d be angry.” It’s then that Munakata's placid face begins to crumble. His shoulders shake involuntarily. “O-Oh shit... you are angry! I.. I’m really sorry!”

Before he can process it, Munakata buries his face into Sakakura’s chest and begins to convulse with laughter. The laughter continues, getting more and more hysterical. Even as the others walk by to say goodbye, only to see their leader laughing like a hyena, he can’t stop himself.

“I-It’s not _that_ funny! I... You should be angry. Like... y’know whips and spankings mad or...”

“You... You beat her... with the oldest trick in the book!” He can’t stop laughing. “Just a ‘look over there’ and... you... And... there were so many donuts on the floor! Who... Who eats that many donuts?”

“I-It’s not that funny!” He says, starting to laugh too. “S-Shut up, today was a... clusterfuck!”

“Y-You flipped the b-biggest table I’ve ever seen...! With your bare hands...!”

“It didn’t flip. It just... kind of... bucked.”

“Juzo...” He says still trying not to laugh so hard. “I’m... I’m proud of you.”

“Well.. Now you’re just embarrassing me.”

“Would you be alright if I took more time off?”

“Uh...” He looks back as the cleaning crew arrives. He’s very certain they should be paid double. “I’m sure we’ll manage somehow.”

“Also... Are you free later tonight?”

“I...” He tries to look cool and collected. “Yeah. I... Your place? Or... out?”

“My place. I think.”

“Sure.”

As they walk, Munakata leans in and whispers.

“By the way... what was that about spanking?”

“You really don’t want to know. It was a - Ow! Don’t... spank me at work, you ass!”

“Is that a fantasy of yours?”

“We are _not_ discussing this.”

“I don’t get it.”

“I told you you don’t want to know.”

“But I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rest in pieces, Asahina's donuts.


	18. A Wild Gift

“I don’t know where you learned to do that with your hands, but I am impressed.”

Sakakura groans feeling the hands press into his shoulders.

“Dirty.”

“...After the day I had with Fukawa, that’s not funny at all.”

Munakata presses his hands into Sakakura’s shoulders and neck, trying to knead out any knots, although he has no idea what a knot actually feels like. He’s just doing his best to do it well, and it seems to be working.

“I’m sorry.” He says gently. “Can you forgive me?”

“...You’re giving me chills again, cut it out.”

“Does it bother you?” He asks seriously.

“Does what?”

“...Being by my side?”

“That...” He makes a face at him. “That’s not at all what this is about.”

“I mean, are you enjoying this... us?”

“Of course I am! Why?”

He remembers the conversation Sakakura had with his psychiatrist. He doesn’t want to hide that he overheard, but... he also doesn’t want to avoid it either.

“I want to make you happy too.”

“You’re overthinking things again.” Sakakura turns to him, now facing him on the couch. He reaches out and tweaks Munakata’s nose. “We need to get on the same page.”

“You know this hurts, right?” With Sakakura’s hand pinching his nose closed, he sounds like a duck.

“Yeah. But I figure it’s payback.”

“For what?”

“Maybe I just feel like it.”

“You shouldn’t bully the Student Council President.” He bats the hand off his nose lightly. “You did wreck one of our records rooms today.”

“Buhhh...” He groans hanging his head. “I knew you were actually angry about that.”

“...I... more wish I could have seen it.” He chuckles. “I don’t relish the bills I’m going to pay for it though.”

“You can take it out of my paycheck.”

“No. This is my responsibility too. I did put you in charge. Your failings are mine.”

“...” This is the nicest formal reprimand he’s ever gotten.

Munakata leans down and brings Sakakura’s head up, pressing their foreheads together.

“I bet you looked good fighting.”

“Uhh... Well...” Sakakura blushes, as usual. “It was going pretty poorly for me for a while. It... kind of hurt my hand.”

Munakata smirks before lifting his right hand and kissing his knuckles.

“Better?”

“A-And... she... got me with the scissors. Up here...” He half-smiles, now shaking and pink. He knows he’s pressing his luck. He points to a small gash on his neck from a pair of scissors zipping by. Though in the end, he did score more critical blows.

The lips press on his neck and Sakakura just about shoots out of his skin.

His eyes automatically clench shut.

“You look cute like that.”

“That’s... not the compliment you think it is.” He blushes, now disdainfully.

He flinches when Munakata presses his hand against his chest and presses him back against the sofa. Before he can really process what’s happening, he finds his shirt being opened to the white undershirt. 

“How about... When you frown and blush like that, it makes me want to touch you more.” His voice doesn’t carry a trace of irony. “How would that make you feel.”

He squeezes his eyes shut more and shudders so hard he knows Munakata can feel it with his hand on his chest.

“...Fuck... I...” He can’t form words properly. Less so when Munakata’s index finger traces down from from the neck... and over down the chest at the clavicle... and continues down in a straight line, over his abs and stops just below his bellybutton. “You’re...”

“I honestly don’t have much experience in this area. But I’m glad to see you’re so... excited by my technique.” The hand presses back onto Sakakura’s chest.

“You... for real are giving me chills.”

“In a good way...?”

“In ...the best way.” He smiles.

There’s something almost too pure about his smile. It’s... relief. And happiness. And something else he can’t quite place.

But he’s smiling and it really makes him want to make him happy.

“Juzo. Can... I kiss you again?”

The smile turns shocked but nods gently. The blush returns but he’s still smiling. Munakata stares at him, unsure of what his own face looks like. But he does know he wants to remember this.

He moves closer and rearranges himself so he can be straddling him instead. Sakakura flinches at the sudden closeness but Munakata’s gentle maneuvers make it more bearable.

“I’ll... change positions soon. But... this was a better angle for what I want. Forgive me that.”

“Ah... I... It’s no problem.”

“You’re kind but, tell me if it is.”

Sakakura seems as if he’s expecting the kiss to come immediately, but he’s quickly proven wrong.

Munakata smiles at him, curiously tracing lines of exposed muscle. It’s an impressive figure. He tries to put it to memory. He can feel every shiver and shudder underneath him. He can feel the goosebumps rise on his skin.

If he’d known it was this easy to get a reaction out of him... Well, there’s time for that later down the line, he supposes.

“You... what are you doing to me...”

“Savoring.”

“...I... thought you were a novice.” He says trying not to jump at the kiss to his shoulder that then becomes another kiss on his neck. He tries to stay still, tilting his head back to give him better access.

He gulps hard when the finger traces his Adam’s apple.

He gives him another gentle kiss on the lips and he can see that look again.

“I am a novice. That doesn’t mean I won’t outclass you soon enough, Juzo.”

He’s caught off guard when he sees Sakakura’s head come forward. The normally perfectly coiffed hair slips down a bit and a few strands of his hair fall into his face.

“If you think I’m gonna lose to you, you’re dead wrong.” There’s a look of friendly competitiveness in his face. “I’m going to be the Ultimate Boyfriend, Kyosuke. There’s no way I’ll let you win!” 

He’s more caught off guard by how he looks so good even with his hair messy. Munakata can feel himself turn bright red.

Then his words hit him and he snickers before kissing him again, this time with more feeling.

When they pull apart, Sakakura can see there’s a mirrored look of defiance except it... might be scarier than his own came off as. It’s the look of someone dangerous.

The next kiss isn’t soft at all, it’s a harder desperate one that leaves the two of them struggling to catch their breath.

“Challenge accepted.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thankfully Munakata is still taking off work or everyone would have to deal with their love-competition hungry eyes staring at each other.


	19. Do You Want to Feel How It Feels?

The feeling of being at Hope’s Peak Academy is so surreal, he knows it must be a dream. Even so, back in the uniform of campus security, sitting by the fountain he...

Yukizome smiles as she approaches. And he knows it’s a dream, but it does make him happy.

“Were you waiting long?”

“I... No.” He gives a wry smile as she sits.

“Uh oh, don’t let Munakata see that face. He’ll start fussing over you.”

“Doubtful.”

“Did you find anything else out about the Kamukura Project?”

The name rings a distant bell for him but... everything feels foggy. Yukizome smiles at him expectantly.

“...I... don’t think so. No.”

“Well, then I’ve got good news for Munakata.” She smiles brightly, so bright it makes him guilty. “I think Munakata will praise me for sure.”

“Yeah. Probably.”

“Something like, ‘Yukizome that was excellent work. I’m very grateful.’ ...Right?”

“Yeah. Sounds like him.”

“Uh oh... Someone sounds jealous~” She was jabbing him playfully.

He smiles to himself, sadly now.

“...You got me.” 

“H-Huh? Really?” She’s suddenly bashful. “I... I mean there is a special place in my heart for you, Sakakura. But our love can only be platonic if-”

“I wasn’t being serious.” He lies, or is it just a half-lie? It’s hard to tell these days.

“Wha-?!” She frowns now. “Toying with a lady’s heart isn’t very manly!”

“Sorry.”

“But... I guess you haven’t _really_ been the manly type have you?”

“What?”

“I guess... I’m also jealous of you, Sakakura. The way that Munakata looks at you. The way he trusts you. The way he forgives you for being disgusting.”

The last sentence catches him off guard. Something like an ominous note between cheery and malicious hangs in her voice.

“The way he lets you stay near him even though you leer at him like a lovestruck baboon. The way he tolerates you even when you fail him and betray him. He even lets a worthless piece of trash like you stay by his side, even with the photo you have of him by your bedside. I mean... You might as well put some tissues and lotion next to it and save yourself the trip, you know?”

He’s about to say something when he feels something stick into his chest. She’s... got some kind of knife or... is it Munakata’s sword? He can’t tell. Just that it’s stuck up to the hilt and there’s blood now in the fountain behind them.

“Sakakura is a loyal doggie, but even if you share his bed, doesn’t that still make you a dog? Man’s best friend.”

“...Y... Yukizome.”

“It’s alright. Even a dog has its uses. Dogs love their masters more than they love themselves, and they want to be loved even if the master decides to discard them. How is Sakakura not a dog...?” 

She smiles like there’s nothing wrong. He... can’t see the despair in her eyes, but... why else...? 

“The reason Munakata doesn’t look at you the way he does at me... the reason he left you to die once... the reason he’ll always discard you... Can’t you guess what it is?”

“...K... Kyosuke...”

She pushes him backwards and he falls into the fountain. She waves at him from the surface of the water with the eternal smile as he sinks down further into empty blackness.

The voice still reaches him.

“Isn’t it obvious? Munakata will always turn away because ...There is no place for Sakakura Juzo.”

 

~ ~ ~

 

He tumbles off the sofa, still holding the blanket he’d ended up cuddling with. The room floods back into focus.

He looks around and sits up. His pillow and blanket are now haphazard.

Of course he shouldn’t have joined Munakata in his bed after... Well... He’d definitely wanted to, but he wasn’t sure he’d get any sleep with the man who teased him like that.

Looking in the direction of Munakata’s room, he feels a flush of rage swell up inside of him.

_It wasn’t real... Damn it... You... You know it was just a dream... And it doesn’t mean anything!_

He knows the dreams aren’t real. He knows it’s not how Yukizome feels. And it’s not how Munakata feels either.

What bothers him is that it’s how he feels about himself.

Without thinking, he slams his fist into the floor. Tears threaten to escape from the sides of his eyes but he won’t... allow himself.

Instead he begins to do pushups. Many pushups. With his left hand behind his back, he pushes all the rage into his exercise. There’s a furious aura that surrounds him now.

“You’re... so loud in the mornings...” Munakata yawns but stops to admire the view. “...Did you have a bad dream?”

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

Only pushups.

Munakata leaves the room briefly. Sakakura continues his extreme workout until Munakata returns carrying a first aid kit. He sits down in front of Sakakura.

“Come here.”

“What?”

“Your knuckles are bleeding again.” He states simply. Sakakura looks. He’s right. “Did you punch my floor?”

“I... Uh. Yeah. Sorry about that.”

“Come here.” He says again. Sakakura stops his pushups and sits, scooting closer. “I’m here when you want to talk about it. Okay?”

“Y-Yeah. Thanks.” He mumbles the words. He isn’t expecting Munakata to lean in and kiss him then, but he does.

“Good morning, Juzo.” He continues to smile as he pulls away.

Sakakura reaches out his hand and holds Munakata’s cheek before he leans over instead to return the kiss.

“Sorry but... after last night I... want more than just one kiss.”

“...Alright.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Juzo... you're... getting blood all over my face."  
> "Ack! Shit. Fuck... I'm sorry!"
> 
> (A special thank you to the people who catch my typos because lord knows I can't seem to do it myself <3 You all are beautiful.)


	20. I'll Follow You Into the Dark

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Something I've been wanting to write for a while - the story (according to my headcanon) about how Sakakura and Munakata met in the first place. This one might be a bit long.
> 
> I'm considering also publishing it as a normal one-shot kind of fic because it's related but also not? Like it could be on its own...? I don't know. I'm thinking about it.

Hope’s Peak Academy, the symbol of hope in the new age! It’s said that if you manage to attend and graduate Hope’s Peak, you’re set for life.

But not just any regular students can attend this prestigious school. Only high schoolers who are the best and brightest in their fields, “Ultimates” or “Super High School Levels” can attend.

And already in their first year in Class 74, Munakata Kyosuke becomes the president of the student body. But that was really no surprise, he’s the Ultimate Student Council President after all!

 

But even so, that doesn’t necessarily mean their class is... united, yet. Regular classes are seen as a chore for some, and Hope’s Peak is more than willing to turn a blind eye to students neglecting studies in the pursuit of their talents.

One such student is the Super High School Level Boxer, Sakakura Juzo.

He cuts a dashing figure in the gym. Every morning there’s an intense workout, laps, pushups, pull-ups, sometimes swimming if the pool’s open. Usually it's laps, core exercises, and weights. Everything possible to be the best possible boxer.

Because with a title like his, what else is there anyway?

He swings expert punches at the punching bag, jab, jab, cross. Gym shorts, white sleeveless shirt, boxing gloves, boots. Working up a sweat like always.

“Your form is excellent.” A voice calls out to him from the doorway.

He strikes the punching bag once more before turning around, confused.

“Huh? You talking to me?”

“I said, your form is excellent.”

“I heard you. You lost?”

“Are you?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

The young man in front of him is neatly dressed and has an air of arrogance that instantly grates on his nerves. He knows who it is. He’s not that uninformed. But he can’t get past those cold eyes.

“There was a class meeting today. You did not attend.”

“My invitation must’ve gotten lost in the mail. Whoops.” He ignores him now.

“Not possible. I saw you read my notice. You crumpled it up and threw it in the trash.” He says before throwing a piece of paper that’s been squished into a ball down at his feet.

"Well, that's creepy of you. You also here to give me a love letter? I promise I'll read it before I throw it out.” He snickers.

“I thought I made it quite clear in the letter. You were to attend.”

“Listen, kid...” He says dismissively as he turns around. They’re more or less the same age, He might be a bit younger, but he’s definitely a bit shorter. And he refuses to let this ‘kid’ boss him around. “I don’t know what your deal is, but I’m the Super High School Level Boxer.”

“I’m the Super High School Level Student Council President, Munakata Kyosuke.” He says with a slight bow. “It’s nice to meet you.”

“I _know_ who you are.” Sakakura grumbles. He moves up to him, sizing him up and finding him lacking. Still, the President doesn’t look away. “I’m saying, I don’t care about you or your student council or your class meetings.”

“You are a member of our class. It is your duty to attend meetings as they directly affect you. I would not be able to do my job properly without you. That is why I ask that you attend meetings regularly.”

“I just said, I don’t care. I’m a boxer. I may be in your class, but that doesn’t make us friends. I don’t owe you anything. You don’t even know the first thing about me.”

He turns away for a moment.

“Sakakura Juzo. The youngest boxer in the country to win various municipal, provincial, state, and national boxing championships. Favored by many to be the country’s pick for the Olympic Games in boxing. Expected to become the World Heavyweight Champion. You favor strong tactics that let you use your own strength and an opponent’s uncertainty against them. You favor strong offense with a medium-level defense, preferring to overwhelm quickly. You favor southpaw style, which I assume makes you left-handed.” 

He states off facts as if they’re clearly obvious and common knowledge. Sakakura turns around, clearly impressed but unwilling to show it. 

“Sakakura Juzo. As my classmate and a member of the student body, you are also under my responsibility.”

Flushing with anger and surprise, he storms up to him, pulling him by the collar. He can pick Munakata up like a plastic bag. There’s an implacable coldness he can’t escape. A sensation of someone being immovable.

“Who the fuck do you think you are?”

“I am Munakata Kyosuke. Student Council President.”

“I know who you are!” He yells it loud enough that there’s the briefest glimmer of Munakata wincing and pulling away, but nothing more than a glimmer.

“I will bring hope into this world again. For that, I require your assistance. If even just for our time here at school.”

“You think _me_ attending classes and meetings is going to give anyone hope?”

“Do you... value yourself so little?” His question catches Sakakura completely off guard. “I assure you. There is a place for you in my dream of hope.”

“Hope...?”

Sakakura seems to taste the word as he says it, and clucks his tongue. He lets go of Munakata neatly.

With a speed few can follow, he throws a punch so hard at his punching bag that it rips off its mooring line, the material shredding where it had been punched. Sand or whatever the filling was sprays from the tear and spills all across the floor.

His form, his technique... Everything practiced and perfect.

“Listen up, pretty boy. I don’t give two shits about you or your hope. I’m a boxer. I’m here to box. I’m here to be the best. Hope or no hope... It really doesn’t matter to me at all.”

“Without hope...” He says, stepping forward. “What are you, other than your title?”

“Wh-?”

“If you can’t find hope, then aren’t you just another nameless person on this planet? Without hope, who do you expect to be?”

The punch Sakakura throws stops mere centimeters from Munakata’s face. A gust of wind from the almost-impact ruffles his hair.

“You talk a lot, Prez.” He fumes, almost purple with anger. “What do you have besides some fancy words? All you’ve got are speeches. Go graduate and be a politician. Go be Prime Minister, or World Leader. It has nothing to do with me. You and your hope... they’re worthless to me.”

“You’re wrong.” He states flatly, unimpressed by the punch or bravado. “There is a place for you in my vision of hope. All you need to do is be responsible and accountable to yourself and claim it.”

“...You’re fucking exhausting. I’m gonna hit the showers. If you’re not gone by the time I come back, I will beat you ugly.”

 

Without waiting for a rebuttal, he pulls off his boxing gloves and marches for the showers.

The entire time, he can only think of how hope means nothing to him. What is hope to him? Just a fancy word.

Hope won’t pay for his tuition. Hope won’t pay for his doctor’s visits, or his coaches. It won’t pay for his transportation to matches. It won’t help him find a job. It won’t let him succeed in this world.

All he has is talent. All he can trust in is his talent. Without that, he’d be ordinary. And if he were ordinary... There’d be no point to anything.

School is just a means to an end. This school is just the best one for what he needs.

The way Munakata talks about things he doesn’t understand... pisses him off!

He slams his fist into the shower tile. It cracks and shatters like everything else he hits. Not even a bruise on his knuckles. He scoffs and turns the water off.

 

When he leaves, dressed in his uniform with his gym bag he scans the room. The sand is still splayed out on the floor. But Munakata isn’t there.

He snorts with a smirk. Guess hope wasn’t worth the beating after all.

When he walks out of the gym, however, he sees the young man sitting in the grass expectantly.

“There you are. I was waiting. You took a longer time than I expected.”

“Didn’t I tell you to go away?”

“More or less.”

“You that eager to get your ass kicked?”

“I don’t think you could. Not the way you are now. You’re still not on my level.”

Well, that’s it. The President wants to die.

He throws his gym bag to one side, and takes off the blazer, and throws that aside. He rolls up the sleeves of his button-down shirt. He knows part of the job is intimidation. Seeing those muscles, who wouldn’t be afraid?

Munakata Kyosuke apparently.

“I don’t really want to fight. However... If that is what it takes, might we make a wager?”

“Huh? ...I’m not gonna steal your lunch money like some schoolyard bully.”

“Nothing like that. Something simpler.” Munakata takes off his blazer and also rolls up his sleeves. “If I win, you attend all classes and class meetings regularly. Any more than that would be selfish on my part.”

“Ah? And when I win, what do I get?”

“If you can beat me... I hadn’t thought about it.”

“You...! Don’t get cocky. I’m a boxer. I’ll knock you flat, pretty boy.”

“In that case, how about I let you decide? If you beat me, you decide what I owe you. It could be wealth, or power... Or I could do your assignments for you until graduation. I could even quit school for you if you win. Anything you want.”

“You better be careful signing checks you aren’t able to pay.”

“If you’re so confident... then show me.”

 

He would have felt bad, but he doesn’t. He shoots forward like a missile, a punch so hard it will knock out anyone instantly, he thinks.

At the last moment, the President sidesteps him. All it takes is some quick footwork, a pivot on his heel. And a hard kick to his back knocks Sakakura off balance. He tumbles over his feet ass over teakettle, rolling through the dirt.

“I apologize for that. I realize I may have caught you off guard with my feet. You see, you challenged me to a fight, but I’m afraid I don’t know boxing techniques very well.”

“...You do whatever you need to.” His nose is bloodied, and he can’t say he isn’t impressed now. But he absolutely won’t lose.

“May I ask then, what is it you hope to achieve.”

“I want to be the best!” He raises his fist.

“And what else?”

“I want... to knock that look right off your face!”

He moves towards him again, just as fast and just like before Munakata dodges, but that’s part of the feint.

He carefully turns and with his left hand, strikes and feels the resistance of his fist meeting flesh. He can see Munakata is surprised it hit so hard, as he slides back. Now the President’s nose is bloody, and he’s sure he split the man’s lip too.

But if he’s in pain, he doesn’t say so.

Instead, all he’s got is that dispassionate expression.

He feels his left arm pulled forward and a kick to his midsection sends him into a belly flop on the earth.

Munakata walks towards him again.

“All you have now is survival. But is that really what you want?”

“Shut up!” He shoots up with an uppercut but Munakata quickly deflects the blow. “You... What do you know about me?!”

“I know you need more to live.”

There are a flurry of punches, but even he isn’t sure if any connect.

“You don’t know... what I’ve had to do! How hard I’ve had to train! How hard I’ve had to work! And... And all on my own! Using my own talent to do it! What is your hope without talent?!”

"Sakakura Juzo is who you are. You are not your talent. You have talent, but that shouldn't define you. Are you that blind that you can't see what you could be?"

"I don't want to hear it!!"

He shoots forward in another lunge with his left hand, eager to share his left hook with the President's smug face. Even if what he is saying is true... If... if it is true... Then...

Munakata ducks under the final blow, having presumably dodged the others. A hard knee hits him in the stomach. He momentarily loses the ability to breathe before a hard elbow impacts his side and sends him tumbling haphazardly onto the ground in another roll.

Sakakura struggles to move, turning on his side. He moves to stand but a foot crunches down on his hand, not enough to cause pain, but enough to keep him still.

“Stay down. This is over.”

“It... It’s not over! I won’t... I won’t lose to anyone! Especially not you!”

Sakakura frees his hand and lunges up to swipe at him but now his form is all sloppy.

It’s easy enough for Munakata to grab his arm and flip him over his shoulder in a judo throw. Sakakura lands hard on his back.

“Why can’t you lose? Surely it’s possible.”

“Sh... Shut up...” He mutters weakly. “I... won’t lose. I... need to perfect my talent...”

“Why?”

“S... So that I can make my future!” He isn’t sure why, but he feels tears stinging his eyes. Munakata hasn’t acted maliciously, but there’s something there that he needs to push away from. “I... Need my talent... Otherwise what good am I anyway?!”

“What is that if not despair?!”

Munakata’s angry shout startles him more than anything. He can see the seriousness, the... anger in his face. The way his bottom lip trembles as if to call him an idiot without putting it into words.

“There are hundreds of ways to never amount to anything. But trusting so highly in something as fickle as talent... is the stupidest one.”

“Shut up.”

“You could be hurt, or get into an accident, or fall ill, or lose your ability to stay here...”

“Sh...Shut up...”

“You could become injured or paralyzed, or lose an important match, or be used by a shady coach to further their own career at your expense...”

“Please... just...! Shut... up...!”

“You could lose your hands, you could develop an incurable disease, you could be destroyed in a scandal, or you could decide that boxing doesn’t make you happy and want to quit, or-”

“Shut up, shut up, shut up!! Just... shut up and... Leave me alone...” Sakakura moves onto his stomach, tears unable to be contained. “I... I need this. I don’t... I don’t have anything else. I’m not good at anything else! I don’t have any other talents... this... is all I have...”

“That isn’t true.”

“This is all that I am... and if I’m not good enough then... I’ll be discarded and forgotten. If I... can’t even do this... then what else is there...?! What else am I good for?!”

Munakata kneels down to him. He sounds like he’s smiling as he offers his hand.

“There’s a world full of people with no talent. Even the people with talent become lost or disillusioned. That’s why I want to make a world of hope for them. For everyone.”

“...Even... me?”

He helps Sakakura up to his knees, ready to move him onto his feet.

“There’s a place for you in my world of hope. Let’s build it together, okay, Juzo?”

Something inside of him clicks, as if some door has been unlocked. He instantly turns bright red, unsure of what the reason is until he’s helped up.

Munakata smiles at him, and Sakakura wipes his face as quickly as he can. He’s still covered in dirt and blood, but it’s a look.

When he sees Munakata go over to his things and bend down... It’s there that he maybe takes too great of an interest in the form of Munakata as sweat sticks to his shirt and shows off more of Munakata’s physique, especially when he bends.

_Oh no... This... This is bad... Not... Not with him..._

Sakakura suppresses the feeling of panic as they gather their things. 

 

As they head towards the school building, Munakata is intent on showing him where the class meetings are held. It occurs to Sakakura that he lost. So he has to do what Munakata says on this matter...

“And over there is Yukizome. She’s also helping out.”

“Oh. Her.” He nods. He’s heard of Yukizome. “Is... she your girlfriend?”

He asks it as slyly as he can. He’s very sure it didn’t come out sly at all.

“Hahaha... Why?” He turns to Sakakura with that gentle smile. “Are you interested?”

He immediately turns red as a tomato.

“...You got me.” Interested in you, at least... he finishes the sentence in his head.

Yukizome approaches but is a little put off by Sakakura at first.

“You’re back and... What happened to your face?!”

“This is Sakakura Juzo. He’s going to come to meetings and help out, right?”

“...Yeah.”

“And... And his face! What... You two are filthy!!” She is losing her mind. “You’re covered in dirt and grass stains and blood! Were you two... rolling around in the dirt?! Do you know how hard it is to get grass stains and blood out of white clothes?!”

“...Uh... no?” Sakakura volunteers.

“Give me your clothes.” She says as she begins to pat both of them roughly with a handkerchief, trying to wipe dirt off their faces.

“I don’t know who you are, but I’m not stripping down on campus for a girl!” He says loudly, getting in her face. It... somehow came out wrong.

“You two can either give me your clothes now so I can wash them, or I make you take them off. That's your choice. What's it gonna be?”

“Listen to this one. Do you like pushy girls, Munakata?”

“You must have gym clothes! Just put those on!”

“I said I’m not getting naked in front of everyone!”

“Then go to the bathroom and change like a normal person!”

“You’re the one who wants me to change out here like a weird person!”

“...You two are funny.”

“Stay out of it!” Yukizome and Sakakura answer at the same time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so many feelings and I constantly need to share them with everyone so thanks for reading if you're still here this fic becomes longer and longer and I'm having such a good time writing it.


	21. Thunder in Our Hearts

Work has begun again, and they’re still tracking down records and building permits. Sakakura doesn’t really understand what it’s about, but it’s for Munakata’s hope.

Sakakura wants what’s best for that hope.

The uncertainty of the future weighs on him, however. And him perhaps more than most.

A few times that afternoon, Munakata sees him place a hand to his mouth as if suppressing vomit. It concerns him, but he also doesn’t want to be the one who nags and hovers.

Munakata sits in a desk, flipping through papers. Sakakura sits on the desk in a casual leaning pose. He presses a hand to his stomach from time to time.

“Are you alright? You look ill.” 

“It’s just my stomach.” He answers simply. Even so, his skin looks grayer than normal. “I’m having a hard time keeping things down today.”

“Do you... need something for it?”

“Nah. I think it’s just nerves.”

“I didn’t think you got nervous.” Munakata smiles with encouragement but Sakakura looks at him like he’s insane.

“I’m nervous all the time! Where have you been?” He says it seriously, not taking it as the joking hyperbole it was. “I... I’m afraid.”

“Of what?”

“Just... you know. Future stuff. Thinking... about future stuff. What’s gonna happen... How long do we spend rebuilding until someone else knocks it down...?”

Munakata has never heard him speak like this before. But he can understand. The nightmares have a way of taking hold of you, of making you cautious and frightened, overthinking yourself and everyone else.

“Hope’s Peak almost literally blows up, and Enoshima is dealt with at last. We chase down the Remnants of Despair, and that... dumb kid goes and tries to save everyone... and then...”

“Yeah.”

“So... what’s next? Who else do we have to cut down to get to hope? And who do we lose along the way...?” He looks to Munakata, whose expression has turned grim and pensive. Sakakura immediately changes his tone to something more nonchalant. “Hey, don’t listen to me. I’m... I’ve just got too much time on my hands. I should...”

“I’m also afraid. But I can’t say things like that. Or dwell on them. If others need to, then I will stand firm so that they can have that luxury.”

“...When you talk like that it really pisses me off.”

“Oh? I apologize.”

“Cut it out...” He looks at him dangerously. “I can’t stand it when you’re a martyr.”

“Juzo...”

“Forget it. I’m... gonna check another shelf.”

He gets halfway through the stacks of bookshelves. He isn’t really looking for books, just a way to be out of sight. Was it always like this? Was he always carrying everything like that by himself?  
“...What the hell am I even mad at...”

He scowls to no one in particular. It’s that dream, isn’t it. He still can’t shake the thoughts of it all away. Waiting for the next tragedy to happen, and avoiding making things that are happy is... exhausting.

“What... am I even supposed to be doing?”

He feels useless, like a dog chasing its tail.

But Munakata sees something he needs done and does it.

His stomach gives him an ominous gurgle. He crouches, holding a hand over his mouth.

“Fuck.. stop it... Come on...” He tries to reason with his internal organs, which goes about as well as one might expect. “...He needs me. We’ve got to keep it together. You’re fine, I ate, I exercised... you need to relax.”

He scolds his stomach, which he realizes makes him an insane person.

“What more... can I do for him?”

Deep down, Sakakura wants to inspire him for a change. To make him feel like he can be a better person. Thinking about the way Munakata used to talk to him about hope and how even he had a place in that hope...

Munakata had a dream for him. He has to keep it together long enough to get him there.

“My own life isn’t as important as his...”

“You know... it pisses me off to hear you talk like that.”

Munakata’s voice sends a tremor of fear up his spine as he hears the words thrown back at him.

“How do you always end up sneaking up on me?” He laughs ruefully.

“You call me a martyr and then you say things like ‘my life isn’t important’... You want me to lay all the burden on you, but it’s obvious that won’t work.”

“...” He clenches his teeth, knowing that Munakata is right.

“And not because you’re useless, because you aren’t. This is my dream for everyone, but I’m afraid I’ve never been good at sharing responsibility with others. I know, it’s an odd trait for Student Council President, but when I think of people putting themselves in danger or at risk for me... it makes me uncomfortable.”

“My dream... is your dream.” Sakakura can’t help but feel defensive now. He isn’t sure where this line of thinking will take him. “My life is in your service.”

“I don’t want it.”

“...Huh?”

“Juzo... I don’t want you to die for me. I want you to live for you.”

“That’s just not happening.” Sakakura grins, almost competitively.

“Fukawa’s right, you are like a handmaiden.” He smiles in spite of himself.

“Hey, now. We were having a perfectly pleasant day, no need to ruin it by bringing her up.”

“I push you too hard.” Munakata doesn’t like to admit these things, even if they are true. Maybe they’re just the warped reality he can see. “And you keep stepping up to the challenge because of me. And even when there isn’t a challenge, you try to anticipate my needs.”

“I... love your ambition.” He looks away saying it. It feels too mushy. “I hate when you come across as preachy.”

“Is this the new game we’re playing?” He laughs. “I love your devotion. I hate your recklessness.”

“Oh yeah? Well, I love your conviction, but I _hate_ the way it feels like you look down on us.”

“I love the way you move when you fight, but I hate that I can’t leave you alone for five days without you being involved in an incident! I can’t believe you sometimes, do you know how much we had to pay just on damages not counting the cleaning? What the hell is wrong with you that we have to pay every time someone hurts your feelings?!”

“Oh, I _knew_ you were actually mad about that!! And it’s not my fault that the psychotic that you - yes, _you_ \- let into the Future Foundation released the beast all over that room. And! I hate the way you try to say whatever you think someone wants to hear!”

“I hate the way you...!”

“Come on, big man! Say it!” He says as a direct challenge. “I can take it!”

“I hate the way you lied to me! And that you kept it secret all that time! Even after Enoshima was dead and you just kept it all to yourself!”

“I hate the way you treat me like a porcelain doll every time I have indigestion!”

“I hate that you can’t seem to figure out not to punch things when your hands aren’t bound with gauze or something and then you end up bleeding everywhere!”

“I hate the way it feels like I’m talking to a block of ice sometimes!”

“I hate the way you always doubt yourself!”

“Well, same here!”

“I also hate the way you... the way...” Munakata pauses, his voice becoming more mellow now. “I hate the way you almost died.”

“...” Sakakura looks away. He tries not to let it get to him, but he can feel tears prick his eyes. “I hate that... you stabbed me. And left me for dead...”

“I hate that you make me feel guilty when I see your scars. I hate that I... could do something like that.”

“I... hate that I had to cut off my hand... I mean... I’d do it again but... it really fucking sucked.”

“I hate the way you look at me with such admiration but you can’t seem to do it for yourself.”

“I hate the way you... used to look at Yukizome... because now I can’t think of her without feeling sad for her. And... I’m afraid you’ll never... look at me that way.”

“I hate... the way you you can admire me. What is it that you see in me...? Because... sometimes I don’t see it.”

“I hate how you can worry yourself into a psychotic break and make me feel like I’m stupid for trying to help, but I get bloody knuckles and you have to immediately mother me. I hate that I get a paper cut and the world stops for me but we still haven’t even addressed that you lost an eye! You go out of your way to get me a new hand but I can’t fuss over you at all... You make me feel like a stupid little kid sometimes, except for when you make me feel like if I don’t step in, you’ll shatter into a million pieces.”

“I hate... that you saw me like that. And I hate that I put everyone in danger.”

“I hate that I did too. You... really scared me.”

“Juzo...”

“Don’t fucking say sorry, because I hate that too! I...” He sniffles loudly and wipes his face quickly. “Holy shit, what the fuck are we doing.”

“I... don’t know.”

“We aren’t very good at this, are we?”

“...No, but... I want you by my side. I... love having you there.”

“I love that you care so much for everyone. You have all of the qualities I wish I had.”

“Could... we stop this? It’s making my stomach hurt too.”

“Only if I can fuss over you now.”

“Alright but... only for today.”

Sakakura makes a small grunt as he sits down. Munakata can get down without as much noise. He does feel surprised when the arm comes around him over his shoulder.

Munakata allows himself to lean his head over against Sakakura’s shoulder. Sakakura gives a weary sigh before kissing Munakata on the head gently, rubbing his arm.  
“I don’t think either of us are winning at this Ultimate Boyfriend thing.”

“No, but I still want to date you.” Munakata tries to stay comfortable. “That’s something.”

“We should do something fun for our second date.” Sakakura exhales loudly.

“Like?”

“I dunno. Arcade? I could win you a big-ass stuffed animal?”

“I’m not five. I don’t need a stuffed animal.”

“That means nothing to me. You’re getting a stuffed animal. And you’re going to like it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know, man. It started one way and then Big Feelings happened.


	22. Enganche

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Slightly NSFW. Nothing TOO explicit but... uh... yeah. Some sexy-ish stuff.

Sakakura tries not to make too much noise when Munakata holds him from behind. The way the hands start to pull his shirt up just enough to touch flesh and muscle... He grunts, body betraying him with shivers at every touch.

He’d feel bad about it if he were taking the lead, but this was Munakata’s doing.

The hands moving across his chest, his stomach... the hands that, with a barely audible chuckle from Munakata, grab his ass experimentally. He knows he wants to do that with him, to try doing that to him but... he also doesn’t want Munakata to stop what he’s doing.

“Juzo, I admire your physique. I lucked out dating an athlete.”

He can’t really imagine how Munakata learned to do things like this so well. Maybe that’s just one of his Ultimate abilities at play. What he does know is that somehow it had gone from cuddling on the sofa to light and playful kisses... and now this was happening.

Had he ever done this kind of thing with anyone else? With... Yukizome? Did he ever want to do these things with someone?

The thoughts come regardless of if he actually wants to think them.

“Are you spacing out?”

“What? No... I...” He flinches at the kiss to his bare shoulder blades. “Only... A little?”

“I need you, Sakakura.” He smirks, maybe that’s too formal at this stage in the game. “Juzo.”

“I ...need you too.”

He feels himself turned around. The hands holding up his shirt continue to do so as he’s kissed again. The kissing feels more natural, although it’s more of a pleasant surprise every time it happens. As if each time it happens, he forgot it was a possibility.

He can’t help but blush.

He loves the way Munakata seems so at ease with it. Sakakura feels like he’s a more nervous kisser. He’s definitely got more passion, and when Sakakura initiates kisses they very often go from gentle to wild very quickly, but he can’t make himself move with as much certainty as Munakata.

The way he moves, the way he acts... the way he’s somehow still able to surprise him. Like how Munakata learned that kissing Sakakura’s neck is the easiest way to make him blush, although, Sakakura is easily embarrassed as it is.

The kisses to his neck make him tense up, even when he bares his neck for more. They’re spread evenly between his chin and the collarbone. At least he’s not leaving marks. At least not this time. There had been missteps, leaving a few conspicuous dark marks on each other’s necks but luckily they were easily hidden.

The first time that had happened it was an accident. And now Munakata only did it for fun.

Although he’s had his hands on Sakakura’s backside all this time - which Sakakura has always enjoyed - Munakata gives him an expectant look.

“Wh... What?”

“I’m sorry but I’m not ready to sleep with you... like that.” He says deliberately. Sakakura nods. That... is a bit much for someone like Munakata. Not that he’d had much experience in that area either, but the idea of being with a man had been on his mind longer. “...I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize for that. I’m...” He tries not to look down. “I’m obviously enjoying myself.”

Munakata looks down, nearly chuckling. “So I see.”

“I can... feel yours too.” Sakakura says, attempting to be bold.

“I’d rather feel yours right now.”

“Don’t... do things you aren’t comfortable with.” He can feel the words tumble awkwardly out of his mouth. He can’t say he doesn’t want that... but he also doesn’t want Munakata to be... pushing himself too hard.

“I suppose I should start somewhere. If... sleeping with you is the goal.”

“Ha...” He laughs awkwardly trying to see how Munakata reacts. “Is that the goal?”

“I have a lot of things I want. From you especially.”

“...Could... you say that again... only from behind?”

Munakata looks at him blankly which makes Sakakura only blush harder. And then a look of understanding and... impish curiosity.

“So...”

“Don’t judge me.”

Munakata can’t help but smile. Sakakura always seems so put together. It’s fun to to watch him fall all over himself now.

He slowly begins to unbuckle Sakakura’s pants, getting a peek at his underwear’s waistband.

“I won’t judge you.” He says at last. “You’re the one that I want.”

This one thunders in his heart. Satisfying that primal ugly jealousy in him. The feeling that Munakata can see him there, and that there is room for him. The things he’s wanted to hear for years, and he hates how deeply it moves him.

Munakata looks confused. Sakakura is frowning, scowling at himself, but has never been redder.

“Do you want to stop?”

“N-No. That’s not it. You... made me really happy.” He says it, but it comes out gloomy not happy. “I’ve... always wanted to hear you say that about me. No one’s...”

He can’t help but get emotional. He doesn’t want to cry now when he’s so happy, but he can’t help it. He tries to wipe his eyes before they make long wet paths on the way down.

“Wishing for it... had always been forbidden. Something that... couldn’t be allowed. But now...” A smile, somewhere between bashful and determined. “I... love you... so much.”

Ah. Of course. That made sense, Munakata thought. Not about Sakakura, but about himself, as if hearing his own voice speak more clearly than it had before.

“And I love you.”

The hug shouldn’t have been as much as a surprise as it was. The now crushing force of it was uncomfortable, but not entirely unwelcome. There were few things that had been certain recently, but Sakakura was always constant.

“Your... pants are falling down.”

“That’s not important.” He says moving them backwards now.

“Where... are we going?”

“To the bed. I’m also... not done with you.” Sakakura says with a greediness that surprises even Munakata.

“O-Oh. You... don’t want...?”

“How about I give you a demo?”

“I’d rather try it first myself and see how I do.”

“You’re making this very difficult.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was supposed to be very sexy and ended up very sweet.
> 
> I dunno, who's ready for death? Just me?


	23. We Cannot Escape the Sunrise

The work day starts late for Sakakura.

“Where’s Munakata?” Is the first question people ask him.

“Not coming in today.”

It’s the only answer he gives as he immediately gets to work. He hates to admit it but he’s let his own division slide somewhat while working on Munakata’s big project.

His mind is absolutely everywhere but in his work. Catching up is a slow process but he’s actually made some headway. There’s more calls and talking to people than he’d like. Right now he really doesn’t feel like talking to others. Leading Division 6 is hard enough without all the added paperwork and personnel required to make security and riot prevention operate smoothly.

Once it’s afternoon and he’s more caught up than before, he can’t bring himself to focus anymore. At least he has some subordinates to take over. They’d done a reasonably good job. He didn’t like leaving things half-finished though.

“Kyosuke...” He says absently to himself.

“Sakakura, we got more stuff!”

Asahina and Makoto appear in the doorway of his office with more books, although books might be the wrong word. They’re more like loosely bound portfolios and catalogues.

Makoto’s stack of papers leans ominously before spilling over onto his Division 6 papers, some of them crumpling and squishing.

Makoto instantly sees the rage billow across Sakakura’s forehead. All his features tense and he leans over his desk, gripping Makoto by the collar and practically pulling him halfway over the desk.

“Why does everything you do always piss me off?”

“I-I’m sorry.”

Sakakura huffs and lets go.

“It’s... fine.” He says with an edge in his voice. He gives Makoto a look, as if to remind him that he could destroy him at any time. “Be more careful.”

“What are you working on?” Asahina asks politely.

“Trying to get things squared away with my division. And for Munakata’s big project.”

“Oh, yeah. Where is Munakata?”

“He got sick.”

“What? Is he okay?”

“He had a fever. I forced him to go to the hospital just in case. It was like trying to give a cat a bath.” Sakakura mumbles.

“Huh... I’ve never heard of Munakata getting sick.”

“It’s rare. He would sometimes get sick in school if he pushed himself too hard. Maybe it’s that.”

“Could it be stress?”

“Who knows...”

“Maybe he ate something weird?”

Makoto suggests it and Sakakura immediately starts to turn pink and then crimson. He feels the rage building again but pushes it down, because Makoto couldn’t possibly know.

“Huh?” Makoto sees his reddened face. “Are you also feeling sick?”

“I’m just fine!!” Sakakura finds himself shouting and Makoto instinctively pulls back. He clears his throat and lowers his tone. “I’m... fine.”

“That’s good. You and Munakata hang out a lot, it’d be bad if you also got sick.”

“Yeah, yeah...”

 

When work is over, he calls Munakata who is planning to check out of the hospital. It must only be something minor, but it still puts him in a bad mood.

“Damn it...” He mutters to himself. “Second date ruined too...”

He’d planned on going to the arcade with Munakata, and made reservations for dinner. Now he was going to have to cancel.

“I just have the shittiest luck...”

He groans and leans against the building on his way out. It is cold out. Maybe that’s why he got sick, he wonders. He wants to believe it’s that. He hopes it’s not because they were kissing and...

If he passed on a cold or the flu to him by kissing then... He blushes angrily.

“People get sick all the time, it’s why there are doctors. God, this is pathetic. It’s just a fever and I’m moping around...”

He sits back and thinks. What would Yukizome do in this situation?

_”When the one you love isn’t feeling well, it’s only natural that you do something to cheer them up! Soup is a classic!”_

Well that’d be a disaster. Sakakura knows he can’t cook. With his luck, he’d burn the house down or poison him.

But... you can buy soup?

He’s sure he can at least manage to heat it up.

“Alright. I’m gonna do it!”

 

Sakakura isn’t one to goof off or go too far with his actions or displays of affection. He gets different types of soup, some in a can, some that you add to boiling water. He can’t really recall what kind of soup is best for a fever, or what Munakata likes.

He also gets him a “Get Well Soon” card that is the stupidest thing he sees, but it makes him smile so he has to get it.

He’d called Munakata to tell him he’ll be there to pick him up, just that he needed to pick something up. It wasn’t too far of a walk.

As he comes closer to Munakata’s room, he can hear people talking.

“...understand the position we’re in.”

“I understand the position perfectly.”

“Then please consider it carefully. The way things are now...”

“Things are the most peaceful they’ve been in months. We’re already looking into expansion of the restoration and reconstruction efforts.”

“That doesn’t mean a scandal won’t hurt our reputation, especially considering all the things that happened before this.”

“That is beyond our control at this point.”

“But a future scandal-”

“Is not an issue.”

“Please, think about your reputation. You and Sakakura...”

“Are none of your concern.”

What? They’re talking about him?

“His recklessness is well-documented and even though he commands Division 6-”

“Quite successfully, you’ll remember.”

“...It’s still a concern. We understand you were friends at Hope’s Peak, which has already caused rumors to circulate. But the way you two interact has caused... concern.”

Sakakura feels hot and cold all over. There’s a rage that trembles through him until it makes his legs start to shake. Memories of that day in the rain and... He tightens his fist.

“I’m not interested in rumors. If people have a problem, they can say it to my face.”

“Don’t you see our position? I don’t know what kind of man Sakakura is but-”

“No. You don’t.”

“But the way he acts around you...”

Sakakura opens the door wide, slamming it open and putting on a face of pure exuberance.

“Hey, there! Sorry I’m late! Oh, look, a visitor. You always end up coming in in the middle of my conversations when I'm here, it feels weird to be doing it to you now! Hello... Uh... I... don’t know who you are, but you’re from Future Foundation, right? Sorry. I can never remember your names there’s just so many!”

“Sakakura.” The man, who looks like some kind of executive or... someone vaguely almost important? ...he bows curtly.

“I’m here to pick up the boss. You ready?”

“Nearly.” Munakata gives a polite look. It’s clear he’s worried about how Sakakura is going to respond because Sakakura has never been that nice to anyone, even people he does like. “We can talk more about this later.”

“Of course, President.” It was only natural that he would take up the title after everything was said and done. Still, the man says it as if he tasted somethng bitter. “Until then, please feel better.”

As he begins to walk, Sakakura stops the man with his hand on the man’s chest. The two are elbow to elbow, and Sakakura looks ahead, with absolute menace, not looking at the man.

“Just a moment of your time.” He says not moving his hand which stays flat on the man’s chest. “I surely know nothing about what you were discussing but if you are concerned with rumors... Then isn’t it best if you not start any?”

He lets go and brushes off the man’s shoulder.

“Ah, well. I suppose that’s really none of my business, is it. Goodbye, sir.”

The man doesn’t react or say anything, but he can swear he hears the man walking faster, or maybe that’s his own ego.

“Juzo.”

“...” There’s a moment where neither of them says anything. Sakakura’s stare is the same callous and grumpy face as ever but he breaks first, looking away. “So... I don’t know what you planned for dinner, but I got soup.”

“Juzo.”

“I couldn’t remember what you liked though so I maybe bought too much, sorry. I wish Yukizome were here, she’d know. Or she’d be able to make it herself. I never was much good at domestic stuff. I don’t even know how to iron sheets half the time, and every time I try to make coffee or tea it-”

There’s a beat where neither of them says anything. They just share a look.

Sakakura’s frown says he’s blaming himself, because he thought he could handle if other people thought he was disgusting (he still can’t, really)... but the thought of putting Munakata in danger of scandal is just as bad, if not worse.

And Munakata’s look is one that says not to worry, that things will work out.

But Sakakura isn’t sure he believes that. Because with his luck, things could get very bad.

“I... also got you a card. It’s fucking ridiculous, but it made me think of Yukizome so...”

Munakata smiles and takes the card. 

Deliberately, he moves closer and leans in to kiss Sakakura... who deliberately takes that time to turn and begin to walk away.

"That's not something you should do in your condition."

He says without looking back, the words taste and sound rueful.

Munakata frowns. He knows that Sakakura has shut himself off again. He doesn’t want to talk, at least not here. He has a moment of wondering what the right course of action is, but can’t think of what it would be.

He reads the card, and smiles brightly before he follows after Sakakura who is now nearly fifteen steps ahead.

 

The card is something cheesy you’d give to a small child, but it’s actually kind of adorable. The cover has a picture of two cartoon dogs, one is sick in bed with a thermometer. The other sits in a chair by the sick dog’s bedside with a concerned look drawn on.

The letters are cute and blocky:

**Sick as a dog?!  
That sounds ruff!  
Get well soon! **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Juzo "talk shit get hit" Sakakura
> 
> Also thank you dr3 as vines:
> 
> Asahina: Would you rather... Kill Makoto-  
> Sakakura: Yes. Kill him.  
> Asahina: I didn't say the other-  
> Sakakura: I don't need to hear it.  
> Makoto: ......I'm feeling a little unsafe
> 
> (I actually have that exact get well soon card and it's beautiful)


	24. On a Good Day

Sakakura heats up the soup for Munakata while he settles back in. It’s obvious the whole thing has put him in a sour mood.

Munakata moves behind him, and Sakakura can tell he’s there, but he doesn’t turn to face him.

“Are you alright doing all of this? I don’t want you to catch what I have.”

“Hah. Well, they say idiots can’t catch colds.” He smiles thinly.

“I’m sorry you overheard all of that.”

“It’s fine. People are going to talk. You wear my jacket, we’re around each other a lot, why wouldn’t they. People love to talk.”

“Given everything that’s happened, I know that this is hard for you.”

“Worry a little bit more about yourself.” He says it to be kind but it comes out nasty. He quickly tries to correct his tone. “It’s your career more than mine, isn’t it?”

“I keep telling you, there’s room in my world of hope for you. Exactly as you are.”

“You’re starting to sound like the kid.” He says staring at the pot, waiting for it to boil. “Isn’t that just empty words?”

“Do you not think I can build it?”

“No, it’s not that. I... don’t know. I don’t want to cause you problems.”

A hand gently touches his back, gently rubbing his shoulders and shoulder blades.

“He hurt your feelings.” Munakata says appreciatively. “If I had known, I would have put an end to the conversation earlier.”

“I know it probably doesn’t matter. But the thought of them looking down on you... and us...”

Although it had never crossed his mind that it would play out this way, he had devoted a good portion of his life and service to Munakata. Deciding to stay as head of security instead of pursuing boxing full-time as a career, heading Division 6, staying on after everything that had happened.

He hated the idea that his presence was a nuisance to Munakata, even if Munakata would never say that.

“What would you like me to do?”

“Huh?”

“The way things are now, someone is bound to find out about us. How do you think we should proceed.”

“I keep punching them until they go away.”

“Alright. Now seriously?”

“I was being serious.” He scoffs to himself and stirs the soup. It’s started to simmer.

He can tell Munakata is giving him an ominous look from behind.

Instead of saying anything, Munakata presses his index finger to the nape of Sakakura’s neck.

“What are you-?”

He isn’t able to form a response before the finger travels directly down his spine ending nearly at the tailbone.

Sakakura goes wide-eyed instantly tensing up. Chills run up and down his body.

“I expect a serious answer. Or do I need to use harsher methods of interrogation?”

“Don’t... say weird things like that to me.” Sakakura shakes off the chills as best as he can but now he’s nervous having his back.

He’s even more suspicious when Munakata hugs him from behind... only to gently blow a puff of air into his ear. Sakakura cringes, almost violently as his face lights up with redness.

“You-!”

Munakata lets go, chuckling.

“Last chance before things get...”

“A-Alright... I...” He turns to face him because clearly the man is going to destroy his nerves. He’s still a little shaken by the gentle harassment. “...I don’t know. I want you. The other stuff... I wish it weren’t so hard.”

Munakata looks at him, listening expectantly.

“All I could think of back there was making sure you lived. And... it feels shitty that I can’t protect you. From them.”

“I don’t need protection.”

“That doesn’t make it okay!” He says it louder than maybe he needed to. “That’s why I just want to punch them. I don’t... want to see them use me as a weapon against you. I don’t want to hurt you, but I sure as hell don’t want them to use me to hurt you.”

“Then... the only options are to keep this a secret, or go public?”

Sakakura turns back around, tending to the soup.

“You think you’re ready to be the gay president of the Future Foundation?”

“That isn’t what I am.”

“Like they care. It...” Sakakura grits his teeth and turns the heat off. “I don’t really think it’s their business, and I’d rather they just left us alone so we can fix the world. All I care about is you. Just wish they’d fucking leave us alone.”

“I know you worry about me.” Munakata says before placing his hand on Sakakura’s shoulder. “And I also worry about you. I have some ideas, but I wanted your opinion on the matter.”

“Huh? Ideas about what?”

“The best course of action.”

“...And your opinion is...?”

“I won’t let them win, and I won’t let them hurt you.”

“...That’s not an opinion.”

Munakata laughs, and Sakakura shakes his head.

“You can tell the world, then, I guess.” Sakakura mumbles the words, although it isn't really what he wants. Out of two bad options, that one's probably the least terrible. “I dunno how to go about it, but... if a scandal is going to affect you, I... don’t want to make it worse. I want you to be happy, above all else.”

“...” Munakata smiles. “So this is what Fukawa meant when she said your character had a praise fetish.”

“I have a what?!”

Sakakura spins to face him angrily. 

“Your character.”

“I don’t know what that is but I’m going to kill her.” Sakakura takes a deep breath and lets the anger out with an exhale. Not now. For now, get Munakata feeling better. “The soup’s ready.”

“I’ll eat later.”

“No. Eat now.”

“I have a few things I need to do first.”

“Eat.”

“Is that an order?”

“Well, let’s put it this way.” He says placing his hand on Munakata’s chest. “It isn’t a request, how about that?”

“Now you sound like Fukawa’s story.”

“...” Sakakura grumbles. “You make it very hard to win against you when you pull low blows like that.”

“She had a few chapters like this. They were interesting. I was curious about some things.”

“Don’t be curious.”

“You did say I couldn’t spank you at work. And this isn’t work.”

“...Y... You don’t get to proofread for her anymore.”

“And then I call you a ‘good boy’ a lot.”

"...Don't."

"Good boy."

A shockwave of goosebumps rushes up his arms.

"Y-You're not funny!"

"I've caused you a lot of pain and worry. Shouldn't I say what a good boy you are?"

“Would you sit down and eat?!” He looks away, before physically putting the soup into a bowl for him. "And... even if we did, you're still sick."

"We'll see."

He knows he's not going to hear the end of this. Munakata's too dangerous of an opponent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to the sin bin of feudal lord/handmaiden dynamics.
> 
> And then probably Sakakura gets sick because of Munakata who tells him he's not an idiot after all, which really doesn't make him feel better.


	25. Pie soporte

Sakakura finds himself working all morning, dealing with incident reports from the 6th Divison. Reading some of the things... was like reading a fantasy novel. At least there were two serial killers in the Future Foundation they could rely on. 

Well. One, and then... Her.

He shakes his head. Didn't want to go there. That was... absolutely not where his mind wanted to be going.

After more incident reports, more riots quelled, more killers caught... the paperwork of it was monotonous. He needed to get out more.

He takes a deep breath and places his chin on his hand.

He can feel something, but it feels vague and swimmy in his mind. He looks up, and swears he can see Munakata with that benevolent smile he rarely has that always makes him weak. And he's leaned over Sakakura, smoothing out his hair which still falls in odd waves.

And then he realizes it's actually happening, because he fell asleep at his desk.

Startled awake, he sees Munakata's look temper to become something more... Dignified? Authoritarian? ...Something like that.

"Juzo. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." He answers quickly and sharply. His secondary new default jacket (something like a regular suit jacket) is slung over his chair. He can see Munakata admiring his physique through the white shirt.

"I'm sorry I startled you. I wanted to make sure you were feeling well."

Munakata had gotten over his cold without incident. Hopefully that meant the soup helped.

"I'm fine, really. You?"

"Perfect."

Sakakura can't help but smile when he says it. It's that confidence he admires.

"I think I'm caught up with my work here to help more with your project if you want."

"I think I would like that. But first, I brought you something."

"What is it?"

He holds a bag, like a reused paper shopping bag. "Come and see."

Sakakura wipes his face with his hand and moves closer. And from the bag he pulls... His green hooded jacket?

"...I gave this to you."

"I know." Munakata smiles and speaks tactfully. "It looks better on you. It feels wrong for me to have it."

"..."

"I'm not saying I don't like it. But I like the way you look in it better. It... Makes me happy to think of you in it." He says it with a hint of a blush, and Sakakura is deeply touched by it. "...Also, I don't want you getting sick because of me. It's very warm."

Sakakura pulls the jacket out of the bag.

With an unexpected flourish, he puts it on. Munakata nods approvingly, before tucking a hand behind Sakakura's waist.

"It really does accentuate your features."

"...Don't... say things that are so out of character for you." He turns away but Munakata is there with that... imperious look. Oh no. Not that look...

"Speaking as your boyfriend, I think you look very attractive. But... Speaking as your boss, sleeping on the job is unacceptable."

"You've been reading Fukawa's stuff again haven't you."

"Juzo..."

"It's not my fault. You..." He blushes, refusing to make eye contact. "You kept me up all night doing mean things to me. And then I didn't have a clean pair of clothes at your place so I had to do the walk of shame on top of it."

"Don't pout. I know you enjoyed it."

"...It was still mean." Sakakura allows himself to give him a knowing, but confident look before kissing Munakata. "Are you going to apologize?"

"No."

At some point there's a tussle where their lips are colliding, and Munakata is enjoying Sakakura and the features his jacket accentuates, a hand now under his shirt. Sakakura is enjoying the way Munakata traces the lines of his physique expertly.

And then, just as quickly, Sakakura has used his superior upper body strength to move Munakata onto his desk, being careful not to mess up his papers as much as possible. He can easily press him down and start undoing the man's suit and tie.

He decides to unceremoniously tear open Munakata's nice button-down shirt. Some of the buttons pop off and roll across the floor.

"Oops. Looks like the president will be doing a walk of shame too."

"You'll be paying for that. In more ways than one."

 

"Sakakura! I brought donuts! I... Well, not actual donuts but you know what I mean, I hope you-"

Asahina walks in while the two are in full lip-lock, Munakata is still on top of Sakakura's desk with Sakakura looming over him.

She almost lets out a yelp, turning bright red. But then there's a shaky smile that appears.

"I... I'm sorry. I'll knock next time. Oh wait, your donuts." Asahina awkwardly tries to find a place to put the bagels down at, going from one end of the room to the other and then back, not daring to look at them but being unable to find a place to put them down.

By the time she's actually managed to make herself more conspicuous than ever, the two men have made it into standing positions.

"...Asahina." Sakakura manages to squeak out. "Just... Give 'em."

He says and reaches out his hand.

It's more unnecessarily awkward than it has to be since neither Sakakura nor Asahina are looking at each other. And neither of them can seem to connect the hand-off while not looking at each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is why you lock the door or put a sock on the handle. Something. Come on, Munakata this one's on you buddy. Literally.
> 
> Also just imagine Asahina and Sakakura doing a very weird version of Marco Polo with a bag of bagels and that's what that scene is.
> 
> (Do you think Munakata ever found Sakakura's old Ted Chikatilo outfit and was just like 'wtf is this...?!' because I hope so.)


	26. Despair O'Clock - It's Punishment Time!

Another day at the hospital, only this time Munakata waits with Sakakura inside the room, along with Asahina and Fukawa.

At this point, no one's asking questions as to why Fukawa has bothered to come.

"Um..." Asahina breaks the tense silence. There's been a strange combative silence between Sakakura and Fukawa this entire time. "Why are you here, Munakata?"

"For support."

"Yeah, but usually you're talking to the doctors and you know..." The word 'micromanaging' springs to mind, but it sounds rude.

"Being a busybody." Sakakura supplies it for her. He can get away with it. Maybe. He flinches at Munakata's gaze. 

That look says, no, he can't. And he's going to hear about it later. He tries not to let Fukawa see any bodily reactions from him.

"That's rather rude, considering you asked me to be here."

"Huh?" Asahina looks to Sakakura.

"I thought if he were here, he'd keep Fukawa in line. Turns out, I was right."

"Y-You... C-Can't get off without an a-audience now...?"

Both Asahina and Sakakura look away immediately. Not going there, no way.

"I'm... surprised you came Asahina." Sakakura steers the situation away from imminent danger.

"Huh? I always come along."

"..." Sakakura tries not to put her on the spot. He can tell she's been a little uncertain since she caught them. There had been an... embarrassing discussion over bagels where she had a hard time looking at him. It wasn't that he was hurt. No one understood better than he did. And Asahina seemed fine with it. But neither of them were comfortable sharing details.

Asahina would simply smile and say it was none of her business.

She also said she wouldn't have minded so much if it was just a kiss but it looked serious, and that was when it was awkward and they couldn't look at each other again. So, really, they were doing just fine in the friendship department. There had been awkward fist bumps, it was fine.

"Oh. Oh! Well..." Asahina smiled brightly. "I'm here as always to let Sakakura know that I support him. One hundred percent, no matter what! I support you!"

Oh no. This girl.

"...S-Shut up, d-dumb bimbo... Y-You're not even his t-type."

"Shut up! I know that!"

"H-Huh...?"

Sakakura absentmindedly rubs his face with the sleeve of his jacket. The test should have been done an hour ago.

"Should I go and see what the problem is?" Munakata stands, but Sakakura beats him to it.

"Nah. If you leave, I don't want to think what'll happen."

"Don't beat anyone up." Munakata calls out seriously. It's probably a joke. Maybe.

"No promises."

~ ~ ~

The hospital staff were in an uproar for some reason.

Sakakura groaned and put his hands in his pockets, skulking the halls looking for someone in charge.

"Hey." He calls to one of the nurses. "What's going on?"

"I'm sorry, sir, we're doing everything we can."

"I'm Future Foundation. Is there something up?" His pulse starts to quicken. It wasn't uncommon for hospitals to be hit and staff and patients to be massacred back when the tragedy struck. The thought of it makes his stomach tighten. "We're not... under attack?"

"What? Oh! No, no... It's..." She leans in. "It's nothing that severe. We're just having some problems with-"

The power blinks out in an instant. A chorus of surprised gasps rings out in the darkness. There's a contagious sense of panic.

"Everyone, please stay calm. We're having problems with one of our generators but the auxiliary power should kick in any minute!" The nurse says loudly.

Sakakura can already feel his stomach contracting tightly. He instinctively heads back looking for Munakata before auxiliary lowlights kick in with a sinister reddish gleam.

"No..." He mutters to himself, feeling his chest tighten. Although he can't tell, he's gone deathly pale.

His chest hurts so much he can hardly breathe, it's like a train running over his ribcage. His heart feels like it's beating so fast it'll fly away.

"No, no, no, no, no..."

He tells himself it's not real. The feelings, the smells of that place. The way things looked. Dead bodies and paranoia, the smell of blood. It's not real. The pain in his chest isn't real, or if it is, it's not the same.

"It's not real... It's not... Just... breathe."

Crimson lowlights spill across shadowed hallways. It feels like he's been walking for hours. He can feel the tightness in his legs, the pain in his arm is unbearable. His stomach is in agony. It's... just like then... Just like... there.

"Kyosuke..." The single thought drives him. No matter what, Munakata has to live through this... this game. He'll do whatever it takes. Even at the cost of his own life. It doesn't matter what he's said or done to him. He'll always care more about Munakata than himself.

Munakata is his hope.

He looks down to his left hand...? A... stump... Bleeding? He's... bleeding? Now he's shaking so violently it's hard to stand. He wants to lean against the wall but he's afraid he'll slip on his own blood again. The pain is constant like a searing mallet that keeps hitting him in the chest. He feels ill.

"This isn't real..." He tries to reason with himself.

But the hand keeps bleeding for him. The hand he'd cut off to get rid of the bracelet. And he... just can't make it stop... He presses his hand to his stomach as a wave of nausea hits him. In the lowlights it looks like blood, but it tastes sour. Something... isn't right.

"Kyo... Kyosuke...!"

He has to get to him. He has to... shut off the auxiliary power. Or he'll never be free from the game! He has to!

"Please... live..." He mutters to no one as he feels himself crash into the wall, trying to hold himself up. He knows his shoulder hurts but figures it must be from the spear. And his stomach hurts, but it must be from the sword. He's... losing too much blood.

"I'm... bleeding out. I'm bleeding out, I'm bleeding out..." He chants it over and over with sweat pouring down his face. He can see the bloodtrail behind him from the stump. He's... going to die, isn't he. "It's... It's alright. I... Just make it... until then. If it means he lives... then... I'll die for him."

He fears death, but he fears Munakata's death more. He has so much more he needs to accomplish.

"What else... do I need to give up...?" He asks as he drags himself against the wall. He feels faint, the blood loss must be... "I'm... bleeding out. Please... just a little more."

He feels himself spit up more blood or bile, or whatever it is. He nearly slips in it but continues.

"...Sakakura...?"

A voice calls out to him. And then footsteps.

"I'm... I'm bleeding out... But... I won't let him down." There's a nervousness in his words, a part of him that tells him it's not real, but he can't believe that. "He... may have no room for me... But I won't ever abandon him."

"Sakakura!" Asahina rushes up to him. "Sakakura, what's wrong?"

"I'm... I'm bleeding out..."

"What...? You're... You're fine! You're not bleeding. What..."

"Get out of the way." He says shoving her aside, a little too forcefully. "If you're so eager to die, wait until..."

"What's going on?"

"I... I dunno. Sakakura is..."

"Juzo!"

"H-Huh? W-What's going on...?"

"Juzo!"

Munakata rushes over to him. He... understands what's happening, perhaps better than most.

"Juzo, can you hear me?!"

"Kyosuke..." He looks up to him. The man seems like some odd vision. "I'm... not Despair."

"I know that. Juzo, you need to calm down. You're having an anxiety attack, this isn't real. Look at me."

"I'm... sorry I made you doubt me. I'll... I'll save you."

"Juzo. It's not real!"

"What's going on?" Asahina moves back closer now.

"He... He thinks he's back there!"

"Wh-What?"

"Juzo, look at me. Focus on me."

Sakakura's eyes look to him, and then back to his left hand. For him, it's bleeding so badly it's a wonder he's still alive.

"Touko, get everyone else away. Keep them out."

"H-Huh? Oh... O-Okay... Go away you v-vultures! I'll... I'll curse you!"

Leaving whatever she was doing up to her, Asahina rushes over to Sakakura.

"I... I tried... I'm not gonna make it... I tried, Kyosuke... I... I love you... I..."

"Sakakura, this isn't real. It's okay now, you're safe!" Her voice is trembling but she can't give up now. "I know... I know what it's like to have things like this happen. It's scary, and it's awful. And sometimes you wake up screaming or thinking about the people who have died but it's not... It's not real, Sakakura."

"Juzo..."

"Here. Look." She takes Sakakura's right fist in her hand. "You already shut off the backup power, remember? No more NG codes. Do you remember? If you hadn't could you do this?"

She lightly smacks her cheek with his fist, a few times. Sakakura seems to recoil from this action.

"Look. No reaction. My NG code wouldn't let me get punched but I'm still alive. See, look at my wrist. It's... It's over. You did it. Remember? We got out. See? No bracelet on me? Not on Munakata either. Look. We're okay."

Sakakura watches, trembling as Munakata helps him to a sitting position. There's a long pause as Sakakura struggles to fight his way through the panic and the hallucination. To realize that it's not real. And remember that he lived, and so did Munakata.

He can still see the bloody stump so clearly but when he touches it, he feels metal. He wills himself to see the prosthetic hand as he looks to Munakata.

"I'm... alive?"

"Yes. You're alright. It's okay now. Just breathe. Focus on-"

Sakakura breaks away from Munakata's touch and turns to face the wall.

"Damn it!" He slams his fist right into the wall, so hard he leaves a dent, making Asahina yelp in surprise. "God... fucking... damn it!"

He continues to punch the wall in a terrifying display. The pain helps him see and feel more clearly. Seeing the dent in the wall splinter out like a spiderweb. Seeing the blood erupt from his hand and knuckles as loud booms echo out.

"I live...!" He punches. "I die!" Punch.

After every breath, another punch.

"I try so hard...! To save him...! I... give up everything! For him! And... And for what?! So I can be... Haunted?! All... the... time! Just leave the fuck alone, already!"

"Juzo, stop it!" Munakata restrains him, a bloody splatter from his knuckles is etched into the dents and cracks.

"I'm so sick of this! I'm... sick of feeling like this! What more do you want from me?! I want... I want my life back, god damn it!"

He breaks free, and this time punches with his left fist as if on instinct. The metal hand goes right through the wall. Asahina cries out again. He's elbow deep in the new crater he's made.

"Juzo! What if you'd hit an electrical wire!" Munakata pulls him out and away from the wall. "You need to calm down!"

"I... I'm... I'm sorry." He says, trembling further. He looks down. He's scratched his left arm up a bit, new tatters in his jacket. The metal hand is totally fine, not even a scratch. His right sleeve is matted in blood now, his right hand is throbbing and numb in places. "I'm... sorry."

"Sakakura..."

"I want it to go away... Just... I want to forget. But I can't. And I'm trying... But... What more do I have to do...? Kyosuke, what more do I have to do?!"

Munakata holds him when he starts to cry, because he knows what it feels like to be lost and haunted. The way he wails like a lost child breaks his heart. All he can do is wait for the doctors to arrive.

~ ~ ~

"I'm coming in."

Munakata lets himself into Sakakura's place. Things still aren't completely unpacked. Boxes of things labeled "books" or "photos" or "clothes" are placed haphazardly around the apartment. He can see the dishes are done, so that's a good sign. And he can hear the laundry machine going.

"Juzo?"

"...In here."

Sakakura lies on his bed, on his side. He's thumbing through a photo album.

"Here you are."

"Here I am."

Sakakura is lounging around in sweatpants and a sleeveless white shirt.

"You didn't come into work again today. I got worried. Asahina was worried. Makoto, Komaru... even Fukawa was concerned. She didn't call you names or make fun of you at all."

"Yeah. Sorry. I'm... not very responsible." He says flatly. "I wanted to call. But. I didn't want to hear your voice. Your pity or compassion or mercy or... whatever. It bothers me. I couldn't do it. And if you ask me how I am, I'll give you a black eye."

"If you think you can beat me, I welcome you to try."

"...Pass."

"Then how are you?"

"I didn't break my hand. I was just really stupid. Yay." He says it all as if it doesn't matter. His right arm is thoroughly bandaged. The left arm has some bandages from small scratches but nothing too severe.

Munakata sits on the bed, moving Sakakura's feet out of the way.

"What are you looking at?"

"...School albums. Yearbooks." He says quietly. "I went on kind of a tear looking for them."

"I remember that picture." He says leaning over. It's the three of them - Munakata, Sakakura, and Yukizome - in what looks to be a kitchen area. They were making chocolates. "Valentine's Day."

"I loved you then, too. Did you know? God, I was fucking terrible at making those things. I practiced for weeks and they still came out like shit. I couldn't even put my name on them. I just left them in your shoe locker without a name. Hoping you liked them... I fucking cried my eyes out."

"Juzo..."

"And this one's us at your debate thing. I dunno what you said, but you won, so it must've been good. And here's my boxing tournament. I... I wanted to kiss you so bad after I won first place. I told myself I was going to. I thought, if I win this one, I'll tell him. And I chickened out. I got a hug though. That... That counts, I guess. I was sweating like a horse though. Yukizome would not stop hugging me. She kept trying to do pull ups on my bicep, you remember that? Stupid girl... Just..."

He closes the book and looks over to Munakata.

"I... Really miss her. I was so jealous of her sometimes, I thought it would choke me. And now that she's gone... I wish I had her back. To say sorry for being careless, or not watching out for her. I..." He looks over. "Sometimes I expect her to come in while I'm cleaning and tell me I'm doing it wrong. I try to pretend it's her sometimes. I try to cook something and imagine her nagging me that I'm gonna burn it, or that if I don't go to bed earlier my skin's gonna..."

"I know. I do that too."

"She loved you. You knew that, right? And I... wanted you to love me so badly. Just..." He takes a deep breath, as if trying to hold something back. "I wanted there to be room for me in your heart. I wanted you to see me and just be... so... in awe of me. Smitten. See me and think, 'Damn, I want him.'"

He smiled. "I do think that."

"Yeah, now. But... If she were here..."

"Yukizome was Despair for a long time. Longer than we knew. If I'd known... I would have..."

"No. I don't think you would've. You could have with me, but... No, not her."

"I don't think that's right."

"...She must hate me." Sakakura sniffled and wiped his eyes. "This must be her curse or something. She must really hate me. For what I'm doing with you."

"You're wrong."

"But-"

"You're wrong." He repeated again. "You have PTSD, just like I do. Just like we all do. It isn't anyone cursing you from beyond the grave. And... Chisa... She never hated anyone, not even when she should have. Much less you."

"I miss her."

"I do too."

"There are so many things I want to ask her, to say to her... But I'm afraid she'll really hate me."

"Then let's go together. To her grave. We can explain the whole thing to her, and ask her blessing."

"She always took care of us. Even though she tried too hard and could be _really_ annoying she..."

Munakata places his hand on Sakakura's shoulder, leaning over to him. And his eyes look like he might cry too. Sakakura can't tell if that makes it better or worse. But he hopes it makes it better. 

"Now we have to take care of each other. It's you and me, Juzo."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's called a slow burn because I'm waiting for cleansing fire to consume me.


	27. Lucky

So far, neither of them had gotten sick, and nothing bad was happening.

Sakakura, still healing from the injuries to his hand, wore his right hand wrapped in bandages under the jacket. It had been recently cleaned and some rips sewn up by his own hand, which had been a nightmare but it looked decent enough.

He’d thought of Yukizome there, guiding him. Actually he thought of her nagging him to take his time and be careful for once and stop trying to force it. That had also been annoying, but it did help.

The arcade, such as it was, had all kinds of games going. Even though there were more kids than adults, it was still easy enough to stake out certain things they were interested in trying.

“What do you want to do first?”

“I’m going to win you all the prizes, obviously.” Sakakura scoffed.

“I don’t need prizes.”

“You’re at least getting a stuffed animal or something.”

“I said I don’t need one.”

“You’re going to get a present, and you’re going to like it.”

He knew he was overcompensating. Trying to appear upbeat, trying not to seem nervous. If he smiled and acted confidently, maybe it would come across and give him some peace.

Munakata had given him a kiss of encouragement before they left.

 

Munakata doesn’t really have much experience with games and prizes. Everything is louder than he anticipates, and people are everywhere, which surprises him. Even before the tragedies, he had only passed by arcades.

Sakakura does seem more at home here, or more relaxed. He’d glad for that at least.

“Got an animal you want me to win?”

“Huh?”

“Pick a prize, what’s my end goal? ...Anything but a bear.”

Munakata looks around. Most of the stuffed creatures seem like mascot characters or big oddly shaped animals.

“Maybe a stuffed dog? Or wolf?” He says, looking around. “Nothing too-”

It’s too late.

Sakakura has fixated on a crane game that has larger than average prizes. He’s invested in getting a strange-looking black dog or... maybe it is a wolf? It’s hard to tell but it’s got a long snout.

The stuffed animal, for whatever reason, has dopey looking eyes that are pointing in two different directions.

“Are you any good at these, Juzo?”

“...Not really.” He says with a weak smile. “I’m better at the kinds of games where you rack up points or tickets. These skill and luck games aren’t my style.”

“Then we should play those instead.”

“No way. As the Ultimate Boyfriend, I can’t turn away from something you want.” He says with confidence, but misses the dog entirely. “...I’ll... maybe I’ll be here a while.”

“It’s no fun if we don’t do something together.”

For the next twenty minutes, Sakakura tries his luck at the crane game, but the claw keeps dropping the dog before he can claim it. He’s already put an obscene amount of money into it.

Munakata can’t help but smile seeing Sakakura’s face turn from hopeful, to frustrated, to defeated purple.

“...Could I give it a try?”

“No way!” He says possessively, guarding the machine. “I’m going to win you a prize. You can’t win yourself a prize.”

“Then... can we try together?”

“Together?”

“You and me Juzo. Let’s get this stuffed animal together.”

Sakakura sighs gently. Now Munakata is determined to have it his way.

“Alright, but it’s your money this time.”

Munakata moves in next to him. Their hands touch every so often, but it doesn’t have as noticeable an effect on him as it does on Sakakura.

“Alright. Follow my lead.” Munakata says with confidence.

Sakakura nods, smiling with the same confidence mirrored back at him.

Munakata takes control of the joystick which leaves Sakakura to trigger the button that makes the claw descend. He does his best to line up the shot, as the claw shifts back and forth, Sakakura tries to analyze Munakata’s precise movements. Maybe he can learn something from him.

“Alright. Drop it now!”

“Okay!”

Sakakura presses the button. Cartoonish sound effects play as the claw descends, hooking onto the hindquarters of the dog. The dog lifts up with the claw and... slips out of the hook, leaving the dog to now tumble on its back.

“...” Munakata’s face flushes with embarrassment.

Sakakura snorts loudly and begins to laugh. Normally, Sakakura’s laughter is kept to small chuckles, or something more confident and cool. This laugh... is that of a maniac child.

“Y-You missed...!” He says laughing. “I can’t... I can’t believe you of all people missed! You were so confident, ‘I’ve got this!’ and-” He snorts again. “Oh, it hurts my ribs to laugh...!”

He can’t stop himself.

Normally he’d be even more embarrassed to have Sakakura laugh at him, much less break down in a laughing fit, but he can only smile seeing him look so happy.

Sakakura continues to laugh as Munakata now takes over the machine.

“I’ll try again.” Normally, he would have expected some resistance to the idea, but Sakakura is in no position to do that.

After the tenth try, Sakakura clears his throat and puts his hand on Munakata’s shoulder.  
“Come on, let’s play something else.”

The way they move through the games.

It’s no surprise that Sakakura earns the high score on the punching game; hit the target and it ranks your score. Even with the bandages on his knuckles, he easily earns the top mark.

He pulls his right arm out of the sleeve of his jacket and flexes provocatively. He does really look like an athlete when he flexes with the bandaged hand.

“You like that?”

Munakata crosses his arms, appearing nonplussed, but he is smiling appreciatively.

“Given your reputation, I would be insulted if you didn’t do well on that kind of game.”

Sakakura now pouts and puts his arm back in the jacket.

“You know how to kill the mood. Don’t try to act like you’re not impressed.”

“If you’re trying to impress me, you should do something impressive.” The words immediately come off as a challenge.

Sakakura cracks his knuckles. “It’s been a long time since we actually fought. You really think you’re ready for that?”

“You’re the one with the bandages. If you think you can win, put me to the test.”

The fighting game is a surprise.

Sakakura almost feels let down.

What isn’t a surprise is that Sakakura immediately picks the toughest-looking fighter, while Munakata picks a female fighter that can shoot energy blasts.

There’s an intense amount of button mashing as Sakakura tries to unleash some kind of ultimate combo. But each time he gets close, Munakata’s fighter shoots a blast that ruins his combo.

The first round goes to Munakata.

“I thought you wanted an actual fight, not just cheap tactics.”

“We’re at an arcade not an arena. And it isn’t a cheap tactic. You always go for something flashy and powerful, I go for efficiency.”

“I’m going to efficiently kick your ass.”

The second round is much more difficult than the first, because now Sakakura has mastered jumping over the energy blasts. The aerial attacks lead to aerial combos, and Sakakura manages to throw Munakata’s character all around the stage.

“Well, well... It looks like a tie.” Sakakura grins, competitively. “Are you impressed yet?”

“Only by your luck. It seems much better than normal.” He jokes but says it like it isn’t one.

The third round is tense, and a small crowd has gathered to watch them battle it out. There are murmurs and gasps when attacks land or miss or are blocked. Munakata is able to attack and leap away, while Sakakura’s character has the HP to take hits and guard better.

The HP bars get whittled down, bit by bit. Munakata has the lead.

He unleashes his special attack, the fighter shoots a long beam of energy from her hands.

Sakakura’s fighter unleashes his special attack, an unblockable charge.

His health bar almost goes down to zero, but the attack still pushes forward through the beam uninterrupted.

Munakata winces before it happens. The crowd gasps too. 

The beam fades, and his fighter is still unable to move during the cooldown animation and... Sakakura’s character is able to grab Munakata’s, delivering a devastating spinning power bomb.

Even though Munakata’s character had more HP, Sakakura’s character inflicts more damage.

The screen informs Sakakura that he’s won!

He laughs triumphantly when his character does the victory animation. Even the crowd seems impressed, applauding. He looks to Munakata.

“Well, well... Guess who got his ass kicked after all. Pretty efficiently, huh?”

“Gloating doesn’t become you.” He warns in a friendly tone. “But... I was impressed.”

Sakakura blushes somewhat and crosses his arms. “Yeah, you were.”

“Want to play again?”

“No way. You’re gonna make it your mission to kick my ass and I’d rather quit while I’m ahead.” He says before giving him a challenging look. “But if you want to go a few rounds in an actual ring, I’d like to see how much better you’ve gotten.”

“You’re still nowhere near my level.” Munakata smiles at the way Sakakura’s face drops.

“Don’t push your luck, Kyosuke.” He says in a mockingly menacing tone.

 

It’s then that they move back near the crane games. Sakakura notices it first, sadly, that the dog is gone. Someone must have won it.

“What’s the matter?”

“I still gotta win you something.”

“That again?”

“Stay here for a minute. I’m gonna see what I can do.”

“Don’t punch anyone.”

“...You know me.”

“I do know you, that’s why I said don’t.”

 

Sakakura finds someone in charge and pulls them aside.

“Hey. That dog’s not there anymore. In that claw thing.”

“Oh. We need to restock the machine?”

“Forget it. I want one.”

“Huh...?”

“I said, I want one. How much?”

“...Sir, the policy is that you win the prize in the...”

“Listen, buddy. I threw down so much money in that machine and still couldn’t get it and then someone else must’ve won it but... You gotta have more in the back, right?”

“Well... yes.”

“So how much is it? I already spent enough to buy four of them probably, but...”

“It’s really not our policy.”

“Would you just-” He feels himself starting to get angry, but remembers to keep calm. He’s becoming more bashful as he speaks. “I’m... I’m on a date right now. And I think... it’s going well. Our first date was a disaster and then our second date got cancelled so this is our second date and I... want to get something special. I’ll pay if that’s what you want, but I need that stupid-looking dog, alright?”

 

Almost ten minutes later, Sakakura comes back holding an even stupider-looking dog. The eyes are going in exactly the opposite direction, but he’s got it. 

“Sorry I took so long what...” He stares. Munakata is holding a stuffed... round... bird... thing? “What did you do.”

“I got bored so I started playing the games that give tickets when you win. I kept winning so I traded them in for this. Here.”

“Huh? I thought I was supposed to be getting you prizes.” He says handing Munakata the goofy-looking dog that’s almost as big as his torso.

“We’re competing for the role of Ultimate Boyfriend, do you remember?” Munakata adds seriously. “You keep saying you’re it like you’ve earned it, but I’m still in the running.”

He hands him the round bird thing.

It’s a reddish-yellow bird with an angry expression, like it just wants to smash some buildings with its face, and a triangle patch he assumes is the beak. It’s got stubby little black wings on the side too.

“...”

“It’s from that game with the birds. Where you break things.”

“Why this one, though?”

“Because its face looks like yours when you’re angry, and the wings remind me of your jacket’s hood. I wanted to get you something that made me think of you.”

He says it with such sincerity that Sakakura isn’t sure what else to say.

“If you don’t like it, I can exchange it for another thing.”

“Shut up, it’s mine, I love it, go away you’re not getting it back..” He says protectively holding it away from him.

“Alright then.” He looks at his watch. “Isn’t it nearly time for our dinner reservations?”

“Is it? Ah... Well, then let’s head out.” He says wrapping his arm around Munakata’s neck, drawing him in for a boyfriend noogie. “I want to hear you saying sorry for thinking I couldn’t beat you at that game.”

“Ow.” He squeezes out of the hold. “There won’t be any apologies, at least from me. You’re going to be very sorry later.”

“Oh? Is that before or after I knock you out on a real mat?” Sakakura smirks, accepting the challenge.

“I haven’t decided.” He says with a devious smirk that makes chills roll up his spine. “By the way...”

“What?”

“How did you get the dog?”

“I obviously won it.” He lies with a smile.

“You did not.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I won it.”

“You’d better not go around threatening people. You are a leader in the Future Foundation.”

“Is there something wrong with your hearing? I said I won it.”

They bicker all the way to the restaurant.

 

~ ~ ~

 

Once Munakata arrives at Sakakura’s door, there’s a pause where they’re not sure exactly how to proceed. They’ve said goodnight before. They’ve also kissed before.

But a goodnight kiss on an actual date - their only successful one at this point - leaves them both blushing in silence.

Eventually, one of them moves, and Sakakura can’t remember who, but the next thing he knows, they’re kissing goodnight and it’s not as bad or as scary as he was thinking it would have been.

Although they both seem unwilling to part company, even though he knows they should. They keep finding ways to almost start a conversation before another goodbye kiss inevitably happens.

“Good night. I... love you.” Sakakura says, easily blushing.

"I'm glad you had a good time. I was worried you might not..." He admits softly. “And, I love you. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Yeah.”

Sakakura closes his door, still flushed red. Was Munakata also blushing that hard? Did his heart beat fast like that? It was hard to tell.

About ten minutes pass and Sakakura has removed his coat and gotten ready for bed. He places the bird plushie on his bed.

As he turns off the light, he holds the plushie tight against his chest.

“I did it... I did it, I did it... I went on a date with him.” Sakakura knows it will be hard to sleep tonight. In a way, it’s his dream come true.

He actually had his first date; first actual date... and it was with someone he wanted to be with. 

And that person loved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How to get a boyfriend: Give him the stupidest-looking stuffed animal you can find and say it looks like him.
> 
> Not pictured but absolutely imagined, Munakata overwhelmed as the machines spit out so many prize tickets he thinks he's drowning in them.


	28. Put Up Your Dukes!

Munakata smiled in Sakakura's direction. But Sakakura looked miserable.

"Are you feeling well?"

"No, not really." He sighed. "I had a hard time sleeping - no, no nightmares or anything like that just... Thinking."

"You don't have to tell them today. Or at all, if you don't want to."

"We're a little past that point aren't we? I mean..." Sakakura starts to feel embarrassed when he speaks. "You and I have been dating for a while. And have had... you know... _a_ date that was good. You can't even keep your hands off me in the office."

"I said I was sorry."

"I'm not blaming you. But... if I don't say something now, I'm... I'm afraid I'll lose my nerve. They'll all be in one place. I just have to do it."

"Remember that I'm there for you if you need it."

"I'll... be fine. Probably."

"You should eat something."

"Can't. Too nauseous." Sakakura does look frazzled and pale. The thought of food is disgusting to him. He's afraid he'll lose his lunch (technically breakfast) already. The feeling of nausea comes in waves. "It's either the stress or my stomach... I'm guessing stress."

Sakakura lets out a small yelp when Munakata pulls him into a hug. He tries not to be too shocked. It's not like hugging him is out of the ordinary now. But the comforting hand that rubs his back feels unreal when it comes from Munakata.

"I'm right here with you. And when it's all over, I'll give you something special."

"...What?"

"It's a surprise." The way he says it sounds devious. Sakakura shudders. It's like being hugged by a demon sometimes. "I'm by your side, Juzo."

 

He arrives late to the meeting, which is unprofessional, but it takes that long to steel up his nerves. Telling a group of acting Division chiefs and assorted personnel was always going to be how this went. He just didn't expect they'd all be in one room.

With the vacancies in the departments, many people were jumbled and thrust into different positions. There was talk of promoting some of the other members like Asahina or Makoto to their own Divisions, but for now, there were people acting as the heads of Divisions. He was still the head of the Division 6, and still devoted to Munakata.

But it wasn't exactly like before. Some people didn't agree with Munakata's leadership or his restoration project. The things they'd been working on. Or how it was all going to work. Some wanted him to "abdicate", and others just wanted the other Divisions to have more say, weakening his clout.

Munakata didn't let on the pressures of the job. But Sakakura could feel it in the tension whenever they had meetings.

"If I tell everyone, they can't use it as blackmail." He'd reasoned. "And if I tell them, maybe I hurt his reputation. But... Either way I might hurt him. He's still not looking away from me though."

"If you have to choose between what you want to do and what you ought to do, and the result may be the same, you should do what you ought to do." Munakata had said. Somehow his advice had shone through like a beacon.

What he wanted to do was to tell everyone to mind their business. What he ought to do was show them that they had no power over him. Because...

The feeling of the rain soaking into his shirt, so cold. Pain wracking his limbs, so stupid to have been taken down by those without talent.

_"Your forbidden love is for Yukizome Chisa! No... That isn't it. It's Munakata Kyosuke, right?!"_

The voice that haunts his nightmares. Pictures on her phone. Feeling rage and humiliation as she makes fun of him and has the mocking choir of Reserve students laugh at him.

That's... exactly why he can't let it have power over him.

It's not that he's brave. It's not that he's at peace with it, or that he's okay with the way people are going to talk about him, or Munakata. It's not that he's boldly declaring that no one can hurt him anymore. Because none of that is true. All of it scares him. All of it makes him want to run away. And somehow he's back in that position of choosing something that could save himself embarrassment, or potentially hurt Munakata.

This time, he's choosing to reveal it himself. Because it is scary. And it might hurt Munakata. And the thought makes him dry heave. The difference now is not that he's stronger, or braver, or more hopeful. The difference is that he isn't alone. And he can't betray Munakata again.

He can hear the people in the boardroom bickering with each other, each howling each other down for the floor. Only Munakata can calm the crowd down.

Sakakura takes a long deep breath. And he practically kicks the door in.

"Sakakura." Munakata looks to him, half-appraising, half-scolding.

"Sorry I'm late. I had something I needed to do." He says moving past the people at the table until he reaches the front of the room.

"Are you...?" Munakata gives him an inquiring eye.

"Just follow my lead. Hope I don't give you too much of a curve ball."

"I was the Super High School Level Student Council President. I don't think I'm the one out of my depths here."

"Well, thanks for that." He says sarcastically. Munakata realizes that his words maybe didn't come out right.

He gives him a gentle pat on the back. Sakakura pulls off his jacket and places it at the front of the table. His left arm is totally healed aside from a few knicks that are closed up now, but the right arm is still in bandages.

"Everyone. I want your attention for a moment." Sakakura begins. Munakata can see him shaking, his legs trembling violently, but his voice doesn't let it on.

"...The floor is yours, Sakakura."

"When all of this first began, it was the Future Foundation's members that were trying to keep shit from hitting the fan. It didn't really work out the way we wanted but... When the Remnants of Despair were still out there running around, the Future Foundation rounded them up. And so on and... yeah." He says, improvising his practiced speech, but it doesn't sound bad. "The point is, whenever things get all... When things are hard or when we try to move forward, the Future Foundation has always been here trying to get the world back in order and rebuild hope. We're a team after all, but we don't always act like it."

He takes a deep breath. He wipes sweat away from his brow before putting his arm around Munakata's shoulder. The room begins to whisper. Munakata can feel him shaking now. He tries to will him to breathe with his mind, although he's not sure that's an option.

"The point being, we shouldn't be arguing and dividing ourselves up because we... don't agree with each other. As long as we're honest and..." He trails off, losing his place or, maybe rethinking what he was going to say. 

"Sakakura?" Munakata looks to him.

"We need to chill the fuck out and just listen to each other better." He finally musters. It isn't eloquent. It certainly isn't professional. "We're all trying to get the same things done. We all want a world of peace. We're all trying to get to the same place... And I am in love with Munakata Kyosuke!"

...

The room is silent.

Sakakura realizes he'd jumped to the end of his speech in a desire to get it over with. All at once, he can feel himself turning bright red.

He'd said it. And he couldn't unsay it. And... no one was saying anything.

"...Juzo and I are dating." Munakata manages to say, picking up where Sakakura left off. "Although we believe it is no one's business but our own, Juzo believes that we must say something to discourage malicious rumors and gossip. These very things are what we're trying to avoid. Trying to grab for power in a vacuum, or destabilize those we do not like. The infighting must stop."

He says while Sakakura stands blankly. His error has now consumed most of his thoughts.

"And..." Sakakura begins. "And it's fine if you don't like it, or like me, or agree with the things we say or do. You can voice your opinions, but it shouldn't be this personal and nasty, you know? Like... If you've got a problem with it, either get over it or speak up and we can talk it over with our fists!"

"...Although I would prefer we not get to that point, please." Munakata tries not to frown. He's still standing up for Sakakura, but brawling between members is never a good sign of anything.

"I know some of you only see me as a thug who only knows how to hit things, and some of you think I'm not doing my job right. And I'm sure some of you only see me as Kyosuke's lapdog or... Well, I guess some of you are going to have more to gossip about. But the reason I love Kyosuke is because... His world of hope is the only one that makes any sense! We can't just stand around and wait for the world to get better. And... Kyosuke... He wants to change the world and make it better. So... So I do too."

There had been awkward silence from then on, with a few of the members speaking here and there to get the meeting going. Sakakura had to do his reports for the 6th Division but he sounded mechanical reading from his papers.

After the meeting, some had come up to congratulate them warmly. Others had left, bowing politely. And still others, not a small amount, but not the majority either, left without saying anything.

In Munakata's office, with the door locked, there's a sigh of relief that Sakakura doesn't fully feel yet. There's a decently sized couch for guests that they sit on together.

"That was a trainwreck."

"I thought things went well."

"...I need to talk to my therapist and get me on whatever anxiety pills you're taking because that whole thing was my nightmare."

"I'm proud of you." He says it in a way that really means a lot to Sakakura. 

The entire thing had been one big chill for him, nervous jitters, nausea, and the feeling that things couldn't possibly go his way. Now that it was over, he was still afraid. Still nauseous. He couldn't stop shaking, and he still felt cold all over.

Nervous energy radiated off of him.

"Lie down."

He almost doesn't know what to do or think when Munakata has him lie down with his head on the man's lap. The shaking abates somewhat. A hand brushes at his hair, allowing his hair to fall disorderly.

"I'm proud of you." He says and feels Sakakura flinch and mellow at the words.

"I... I was so scared."

"I know."

"Now, no one can use me to hurt you." He says, the only thing with confidence he truly feels at the moment. "I'm glad for that."

It still could cause a scandal, but they did take the punch out of it by saying it first.

"I'm sorry that it came to that. I wish it hadn't hurt you so much."

"No... It's fine. I... I feel like I won a rematch."

"A rematch?"

Sakakura doesn't clarify. It's fine if Munakata doesn't understand. He's still scared. And he's still shaking. But if feels like it's going to be a good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Although this chapter isn't my favorite, I wanted to move the "closeted" thing aside in a way that gave some closure to it, so I don't have to address it as it relates to the rest of the nameless Future Foundation people. I feel much better having "the talk" with main characters that have faces and personalities.
> 
> Also, praise kink Juzo is my favorite Juzo.


	29. The Scars of Yesterday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Definitely NSFW~

The first times they touch, it's all experimental and teasing.

What Sakakura starts to call "mean things" because the goal is to see how long he can resist fingers running over his skin, feeling at the muscle. Telling him not to touch himself while the hands move over him, exploratory. Sometimes the "mean things" are the way he'll have Sakakura put his arms behind his back and just kiss at his neck from behind while the gentlest touch makes it harder. And sometimes that goes on for the longest time, until Sakakura breaks down enough to ask that he finish him off.

The mean things quickly become the fun things, having Sakakura lift his shirt just enough to feel him, or to kiss him senseless.

The way that Munakata moves is like a shark in the water. There's a sense of something imminent. Impending. Maybe foreboding. The way he can kiss hard enough to leave marks under Sakakura's shirt, or soft enough to tease him with goosebumps.

Sometimes it's almost like a healing experience, to be so thoroughly massaged by someone who always wants him to be relaxed during the process, kneeling over him and squeezing tension out of his shoulders and every so often dipping down enough to tease him. He's learned he can make it cruel or kind, and that Sakakura likes both but it depends on the mood or situation.

Even if he won't admit he likes the cruel teasing touches, Sakakura knows when his body betrays him with chills and blushes, hitching breaths and sometimes being driven to ask permission.

When Sakakura turns the tables, it comes out of a desperate kind of energy, touches like kneading dough, kisses like trying to prove something. There's always a need when Sakakura does it, but Munakata doesn't mind. It's hard to be mad at anyone who has a body like that and a personality that goes from rough to gentle like a feather on the wind.

He doesn't mind when Sakakura holds him, or kisses him. And he certainly isn't complaining when the kisses take him past his waist.

But Sakakura is most bashful when being pursued, he's found. When the touch isn't expected, he'll flinch. When the kiss is spontaneous, he'll frown and turn away as if he gave into weakness, and then get kissed again for a different reaction.

When it all first happened, it was a matter of trust and confidence. Things that could be said without words. Like the way Sakakura hides his left hand from view sometimes when the prosthetic isn't there. The way he's shy and tentative when Munakata touches one of his scars, particularly the one on his belly. The breath hitches and he feels a sense of dread before pushing past it.

It isn't just the scars or the disfigurement, Munakata has realized. It's what they represent to him. The hand that says sacrifice, a willingness to give everything up for his sake and feeling self-conscious to have that effort recognized. The shoulder is for recklessness, moving without planning but is quickly moved past. 

The scar for his belly reminds him of betrayal. And it's the one he wasn't allowed to touch until relatively recently. Munakata can only trace the lines with sadness at first. Feeling that he's forgiven him, but the body tenses knowing what the hands can do.

All the other reactions are more or less the same, desire and a sense of embarrassment. Munakata likes it when he frowns and scowls with a blush, it means he's done it right. He can get that easily. A kiss to his neck at an unexpected time, or ordinary teasing and denial. 

The way he'll buck against his hand with impatience. It's more fun if he can get that reaction when Sakakura is standing up because he can take the time to squeeze or give a few (consensual) smacks to keep him in line. Sometimes he'll start to breathe through his nose then, like he wants to say something and is fuming but won't disobey.

Sakakura squints his eyes closed and breathes heavily when he really enjoys something. Munakata asks him what he's thinking about, but sometimes can't get a good answer. Intense quick pleasure gives him that response. That's why he likes to place his hand on Sakakura's chest when he takes him in his mouth, because he can feel his body pulsing to his touch.

 

"Careful." He whispers to Sakakura, who's taken to scowling with the blush. "It's not time for your reward yet."

"...Y-Yeah. I know..."

Sakakura is somehow more pliable in a sexual situation. He'll do what he's told within reason. Sometimes that makes it more fun for him. There's usually a lot of scowling when that happens.

That's the look of a man who has most of his experience from talking to internet friends about crushes and ways to prepare for sex if it comes, when it comes. He's been told by Sakakura about the many friends he had online before the tragedy that would give him advice on how to get a boy's attention or how to show your interest subtly. If it weren't so heartbreaking to hear after the fact, it might be funny to realize certain things in retrospect.

It's the look of someone who didn't expect it, and had thought it would only be other men or maybe a girl to see what it was actually like but never having the courage to truly pursue either.

And it's the look he enjoys the most because sometimes the breathing softens when Munakata can bring him back to reality and make him realize things are actually happening to him and that it's not a dream.

He supposes if he wanted to be kinder, he'd take off his own clothes. And he does at least down to the underwear. But keeping Sakakura in his is just part of the teasing.

A hand moves down Sakakura's chest, feeling the abdominal muscles tense before it starts to move along the growing bulge, only slightly concealed by the underwear. Sakakura's gym shorts are pooled at his ankles as he sits on the bed with Munakata right behind him. He keeps his arms behind his back or they get pushed back. He had been wearing a sleeveless shirt but it's been pushed up over his neck but not completely off just to give Munakata access.

While one hand teases the growing wetness, another more roughly glides over his chest and teases the nipples, which always makes Sakakura seethe with desperation. A kiss on the neck calms him.

Seeing him react so strongly tonight makes him realize he does want to have him all to himself, to really take him all the way, but it isn't something he should spring on Sakakura in the heat of the moment, and definitely not without some time to react.

Instead he finally has Sakakura turn to face him, removing the shirt and gym shorts entirely, straddling him with Sakakura's arms draped over Munakata's shoulders. He thinks for their first time, he'd like to have him like this at first, and see if he can adjust to the pressure. And then there are other positions he's read about that he'd like to try, and things he wants to pass by Sakakura himself. And of course, Sakakura is rather impressive so it would be a shame not to give that a try too...

"Juzo."

"Y... Yeah." He manages to try and look cool. His hair looks best this way, sweaty and slightly matted, more sticking to his forehead than the normal waves.

"You were brave today. I'm proud of you." He says it as sincerely as he can. He watches, somewhat surprised the way Sakakura begins to flush red and smiles. It's a rare sight to see him smile like that. "And I love you."

"I... love you too, Kyosuke." His answer comes back shaky and meek.

Munakata hates to admit it, but he's smiling more than Sakakura. He's so happy to see him smile. He wishes he'd do it more often.

He can feel his muscles pressing against him when they kiss. He can feel his heart beating faster.

How much can Sakakura smile? It might be fun to try that tonight. And he's sure that Sakakura would frown and blush if he knew about his plans. It's a good thing he won't find out, because there's so much to try.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No matter what, I just want Juzo to be happy you know ;w;


	30. Abrazo cerrado

Sakakura awakens slowly, stirring to the feeling of the shape moving next to him. A hand whose index finger gently moved in lazy circles across his chest.

“Mm...” He stirs from sleep and looks over expectantly. “Kyosuke...”

“Wrong answer!” The feminine voice announces with a chipper tone.

Sakakura nearly bolts awake seeing Yukizome (in her underwear and a revealing camisole) next to him. She laughs at his reaction.

“Y-Yukizome...! What...”

“Don’t worry. Your maidenhood is still intact, Juzo.” She teases him. “But you must really love him to think of him when you wake up?”

“What are you doing here?”

“Ah? You don’t remember last night...?” She feigns embarrassment. “You sure know how to make a girl feel used. Although... I think I was the one who used you.”

“Wha...?”

She smiles and takes out her phone, showing him picture after picture.

It isn’t anything graphic, but it does paint a kind of picture. Yukizome posing cuddled up to Sakakura, a picture of her resting her head on his chest, an almost kiss between them. A picture of her kissing Sakakura on the cheek.

Sakakura is surprised and disgusted by her actions at the same time.

“Junko wasn’t sure you would betray your dearest friend... The power of love might be hard to predict, but you do love him, don’t you?”

“Enoshima? You...” There’s a look of loss and mourning that runs through his face, making his features slacken. “No... You’re...”

“Despair.” She says with a smile. “But... 'What would Sakakura do if Munakata found this picture instead?'... is what we thought. Doesn’t it fill you with hope that he’d see you with a woman...? Or is it despair because it isn’t how you really feel? We both know no woman’s ever shared your bed before. As for men...”

“What... do you want?”

“To keep you honest with Junko’s demands, of course! Hmm... If you told Munakata the truth about your urges... Maybe this picture would show up instead. Munakata would feel so betrayed to have you lie to him. You could tell him about me, I suppose but... Well, what else would a man in love with a man who's in love with me say? Someone who loves hope so much... You know better than anyone how he'd feel about despair."

"You..."

"Of course, it still might interfere with Junko’s plan. It might make things difficult. It might be slow going. But... Munakata would be all alone. He’d never forgive us. Or. He’d never forgive _you_ at least... Without you around, I'm sure I could... Well, you know.”

“...” He clenches his jaw as she speaks. This person... is not Yukizome! It’s...

But he’s more concerned with Munakata, as always. What could be worse than lusting after the man, if not sleeping with the woman he loved? Even if it wasn’t true, there’s no way anyone would believe him. And even if they did, wouldn’t there be just a seed of doubt taking root instead?

“It's possible that Munakata could end up alone. But I could say many things to plead my case. ‘It was a mistake’, ‘I was stupid’, ‘You were away and I got so lonely and scared...’ ...But a man like you... Who would forgive that? Isn't the way you and Junko arranged it so much cleaner? Isn't that the better option for your despair? To be close to him. And be a liar. Right?”

“Yukizome... I... failed you didn’t I...” He couldn’t protect her.

“You sure did! Good job!" She laughs loudly and shrilly. It doesn't sound like her at all. "Munakata will be so despairingly upset when he finds out but... you won’t be there either way for that, will you. What will happen to you once you’re discarded for real? He’ll abandon you one way or the other... How do you prefer to be destroyed, Juzo?”

“I... I can still... stop you.”

"Will you kill me?" She looks to him, still smiling. "What greater despair could I ask for than to be killed by one of my best friends. Please, kill me. How do you plan to explain me away? And what happens if they find this picture? It couldn't be the only one could it..." 

His stomach drops.

"You can stay by his side though. You can protect him right up until you ultimately fail him. And then you'll be gone, huh. Or will you walk away from him...? Are you strong enough to do that? I wonder, I wonder!"

He feels despair creep into him. Even just a spore. Something that will quickly take root with someone like Yukizome or Junko to pull his strings.

He feels sick. She stares at him with those cheerful eyes that don't mean anything because there's... nothing behind them anymore.

"How about you work for us? If it's too painful..." She lightly reaches up and boops his forehead. "There are ways to make it easier, you know. Won't you join us?" 

“...I already said I would say Enoshima was innocent.”

“I know, I know. What a good boy you are.” She says lying down on his bed, head on the pillow coquettishly. “Come back to bed, Juzo. Be a good boy for me.”

He shudders in disgust the way she eases him back into lying down. He feels cold where she snuggles up to him, putting her head on his shoulder, wrapping his arm around her.

“You’re so comfortable to sleep on, Juzo. No wonder you’re so popular with men.”

“What... do you want?”

“Mm... Well, how about you tell me all about the security patrols over breakfast? ...Don’t worry. Even if we spend the morning together, I know I can’t fulfill your desires. We can talk all morning about all sorts of things. So sad... If only Kyosuke were here...”

 

~ ~ ~

 

Munakata wakes up, startled. Most of his dreams had been frightening but this... was just unnerving.

The idea of Yukizome using Sakakura. The idea of it made his skin crawl. How many times had he talked to her...? To the thing that wore her skin?

By his side, Sakakura snoozes loudly, lying on his stomach. He’s... He’s okay. Did... despair really... No. He would have said. He knows he would have said.

It wasn’t real. Munakata takes a deep breath. The dream is strange, but he can use logic to dismiss it. He can explain parts of it away.

Something unsettles him about the dream, but... He knows that’s not how Yukizome was. It didn’t happen. It wasn’t real. It’s just stress.

And all he wants to do is to pull away, pulling into himself.

So he does the opposite.

Gently he leans back down on the bed, cozying up to Sakakura. The man is far from angelic when he sleeps, breathing heavily through his mouth, but he looks at ease.

He leans over to him, kissing Sakakura gently on the cheek.

The reaction is instant. Sakakura practically shoots up from the bed, looking around.

“What’s wrong...? What happened are... we under attack?” His sleepy mind tries to force the words, but Munakata is quick to hold him close and shake his head.

“No, no. We’re fine. I’m sorry I woke you.”

“Oh...” Sakakura’s sleep-addled brain isn’t really processing what’s happening. “...No... s’okay... just... g...”

He mumbles as he lies back down. His speech becomes incoherent sleeptalking as he lies on his side. Munakata seizes his chance and lies on his side, putting Sakakura’s arm around him, allowing Sakakura to be the big spoon.

It feels natural and comforting to have Sakakura wrap his arm around him tight. To feel the curves of his chest on his back. To feel the warm breath on his nape. The rise and fall of his breathing.

"I love you, Juzo." He tries to say it bravely. Sakakura mumbles something in reply, but it's not coherent. 

Munakata’s tempted to broach the subject of him moving back in right now... but... he’ll wait until they’re finally awake. Right now, all he wants is to feel Sakakura’s chest rise and fall as he holds him.

He closes his eyes and lets the bad dreams fade from his mind. A deep breath. He let himself be held and closed his eyes. This was enough, he thought.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today was rough.
> 
> \- - -
> 
> A bit off topic but I was wondering how you guys are doing with 30 chapters now. If you want, I can sort of leave this one here and continue at as a sort of continuation fic which is something I was thinking of doing. So in a sense, this would be Part 1 and then Part 2 continues where this leaves off leading into fluffier territory.
> 
> I guess just let me know what you guys think or if you're okay with... I dunno how many chapters this is going to end up as honestly. I don't want to overwhelm newbies who are like "who that's longer than I thought" but I'll leave it up to you guys. I'm still planning on having this be part of a series with additional fics/drabbles related to this particular AU but I'd like second opinions (or validation which I crave but that's up to you)
> 
> Also special thanks to hyakunana on Tumblr / gemini_polux on Twitter who gave me the inspiration for this particular scene.


	31. Even I Want To Be Happy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a rough emotional chapter, dealing with some fighting, blood, cursing, and Big Feelings.
> 
> I feel like maybe I'm a little all over the place on this one. But hopefully it's not so bad.

There’s a tense silence in the hospital room. Only Fukawa and Sakakura are there, staring at each other blankly.

He had expected Asahina at least to be there, but she had more work to do for her own Division. Despair riots had been on the rise lately. It shouldn't have surprised him. And with Munakata off talking to doctors, there was no one else.

"I'm sorry I haven't been myself. I keep telling myself it's not real." Munakata had sighed. 

"The nightmares?" 

"It's hard to trust myself sometimes. I hope you understand. I want to beat this. And then..." He'd given him a look that was pained. "...I don't know what then."

"O-Oh."

"I'll leave you here with Fukawa. Be safe." 

"I love you." He said it as if it were obvious. Munakata smiled, sadly, and walked down the hall.

Now with Fukawa... all the two of them had done was look at each other, turn and sigh.

“Wh-What’s your problem...?” Fukawa asks almost accusatory.

“I’m having a bad day. And you’re here.”

“W-Well... sorry for b-being annoying!”

“So what’s got you so gloomy?”

Fukawa gives a pained expression and tussels her hair wildly. “I-I don’t know!!”

“Alright, calm down, crazypants.”

“Mm... Where’s... your b-boyfriend?” She asks with the faintest hint of a blush.

Sakakura is about to refute the claim, but realizes that he actually had made the announcement pretty publicly. It wouldn’t be strange if Fukawa knew. And if everyone else knew by now.

Was that why they were avoiding him?

He frowned more.

“...Wh-What?”

“He’s... doing stuff.” 

Although Munakata had been somewhat affectionate, there had been a coldness between them recently. He’d wondered what it was all about. Although he wanted to ask, he didn’t want to give him more problems than he already had.

It had been almost two weeks. They spoke at work, but when they went to touch or kiss, Munakata would flinch and pull away. He said it had been a dream. And it was something he was working through.

Even so... Munakata had begun to shut him out, he thought. He was getting help for it by himself. And even when they talked, the distance didn’t seem to be closing.

He said he needed time. He said it would be alright. He saw his psychiatrist and tried to deal with it on his own. Munakata had always been that way. Sakakura, for his part, had tried to be supportive but respectful.

Maybe it was work, or the pressure of everything, but Munakata kept a firm icy distance. Some days they didn’t speak at all.

If it would be alright, then... why... did this feel like the end?

There’s no room for me after all, he thought to himself. He’s trying to figure out how to end it, isn’t he? If that was what he really wanted, he supposed he understood.

He had a strict diet to adhere to, nightmares and the occasional hallucination, bad habits, scars, a missing hand... When he tallied up his negative points, the list was quite tall. And Munakata also had his own things to deal with.

But it’s fine, he’d say to himself. This wasn’t something that was going to last, he’d say to himself. A chorus of doubt spoke to him after every interaction.

Why was it so hard to talk to him about it? Why couldn’t he say things to him? Sakakura supposed he wasn’t one to talk, literally. All of these doubts and he was too afraid Munakata would confirm them.

Was it easier to live in a stressful purgatory than to learn the truth? Because... what if the truth was he was leaving?

This wasn’t like the other time. This... would hurt more. It was no longer a one-sided affair. This was... messy and complicated.

The truth was, he wanted to know, but he was afraid to ask. Even if Munakata didn’t have the answer, he wished he could let him know he was questioning him.

Even today, he’d been taken to the doctor’s and then Munakata had disappeared like always.

It’s alright, he said to himself. I still want him to live.

That old sad refrain. He was going to be abandoned again. And it would hurt. But he wanted Munakata to be happy. He’d never stop supporting him. There was no way he was going to be happy anyway.

Fukawa could see him looking like he was going to cry.

“...Trouble in paradise?” Although the words sound accusatory by themselves, Fukawa sounds generally concerned.

“...” He isn’t sure how to proceed from here. There’s something about her today that feels off. Almost... normal. “...Yeah, maybe.”

“D-Do... you know what it’s about?”

“...It could be anything. Stress from the other Division chiefs, or work... reconstruction...” He could be getting tired of me, he thought. “No idea. He... keeps work pretty private.”

“Have... h-have you asked?”

“...”

“W-Well come on, you... you’ve got to ask! That’s... That’s....” She peters off with her emotional range, suddenly becoming dreary. “That’s wh-what being in a relationship is... c-communication...”

“Seriously, what is wrong with you today? You’re acting like you went to a funeral. Or murdered a funeral.”

“...L-Let’s go talk to him. M-Munakata.”

“Huh?”

“Let’s... go.” She says standing up.

“But...” He looks around. There’s no one else around. “What about the doctors?”

“Y-You practically live at the hospital... t-tell them to just... m-mail you your results or something! This is important.”

For reasons he can’t quite explain, he’s taken to walking the hallways looking for Munakata with the deranged lunatic who hates him and at one point tried to kill him.

Then again, he’s also looking for his boyfriend who once stabbed him so maybe he’s actually in good company.

“Where... is everyone?” He knew there had been people when they got there. Now everything was empty. Had the hospital closed but... no hospitals don't technically close. He looked out the window. He could see smoke billowing from somewhere. Maybe it was getting closer. Maybe there were emergency burn victims or... something.

“M-Maybe they left.”

“So... What the hell is wrong with you today?” He asks almost aggressively. “You’re quiet and... Well, not kind, exactly. But...”

“...T-Teasing you now... isn’t fun.”

“Huh?”

“You... m-make me angry.” She said turning her voice to a sharp jab. “You... h-have everything.”

“What exactly do I have?” He crossed his arms.

“...T-The way h-he... looks at you. I d-don’t doubt Master but... h-he... doesn’t look at a-anyone like that.”

He wants to tell her she should doubt Togami, but ignores the urge.

“Are you jealous of me?” He asks, resisting a smirk but it’s evident in the way he raises his voice at the end.

“...You got me.” She says blushing timidly, hiding her face, and Sakakura knows she’s making fun of him somehow.

“I...” He sighs loudly as they continue to walk. “I want him to be happy. But I also want to be happy. Sometimes we really click and he... And then sometimes he pushes me away. I don’t know if he actually is, but that’s how it feels like.”

“I-I see...”

“Sometimes I have him. And other times it’s like I can’t reach him. I... don’t know what he’s thinking at all.”

A sudden explosion from out in the courtyard blows out the windows in a terrible gust of air. Glass and smoke crash in as Fukawa shrieks.

He covers his face but feels a large section of the broken window, jagged glass and wood, shoot up his left shoulder. He grunts in pain and pulls out some of what he can as it breaks and splinters, while Fukawa scrambles around helplessly. There were a few more blasts some blocks away, but he can't exactly hear them so much as feel them. He clucks his tongue. He should've been patrolling, or managing the Division for this. He knows they know how to work without him but...

Once the dust settles, he can see a riot forming to march on the hospital.

“...Fuck me.” He growls looking at his shoulder. He’s bleeding, and it worries him but it’s also not... exactly like last time. He keeps his breathing even. “The hits just keep on coming.”

“W-W-What was-” Fukawa stands up and turns to him. She shrieks seeing his bloody shoulder and faints straight away.

“Oh. Good. Fucking perfect.” He takes a deep breath and pulls the largest glass shard from him, throwing it to the ground where it tinkles and breaks. He can feel the blood spilling across his shirt and down across his chest. Munakata’s going to flip his shit, he knows. The blood starts to pool down his arm. “Can’t catch a fucking break.”

“Did someone say break?!” The manic voice comes out as Fukawa rises up like a vampire in a bad movie. “How about a psychotic break?! Kyehehahaha...”

“Let’s move, psycho. We have work to do.”

“What, what? No witty banter? No death threats?”

“I’m not in the mood to fight you.” He says and turns to her.

She seems positively elated at the sight of him.

“Oooh.... ohh...” She giggles maniacally. Genocider Syo then pulls scissors from God knows where. “But you look so cute!”

“Fucking cut it out, I’m not in the mood for you.”

“Oh, my my... Snow Black has a temper today!”

Snow Black? The words make him stop but he refuses to give into the baiting.

“Listen, you death hag, you work for Future Foundation. And since this is a matter of security, I claim jurisdiction. Now get your ass in gear and lets go break some faces.”

She giggles excitedly as she watches him.

“Snow Black gives commands! Ohh... to be talked down to by a Beta... and I a lowly Omega...”

By that logic, is she saying that Munakata and Togami are Alpha? ...That’s another thing he’s not dealing with.

“Well... alright. But just for today, only because I think you look cute like this... But having you filled up with glass? How... disgusting. You’re not worth being killed today.”

“Fucking wonderful. Let’s move.”

“Of course, Your Highness.”

It’s surprising how easily Fukawa can keep up when she’s Genocider Syo. Even so, he can tell he’s losing blood. It isn’t a problem, he figures. It’s not like... the last time. He places pressure on his wounds as he goes. He notices that his face was also scratched by glass, and it stings when his sweat drips into the wounds.

“Where’s the Prince?”

“We’re looking for him.”

“Search and rescue! How... boring.”

“You think so? Did you see how many rioters were there...?”

“...Can I kill them?”

“Not if you don’t have to. But you’re talking to me, not Munakata or that kid.” He says giving her a small smirk. “You do whatever you need to do as long as you don’t kill our guys.”

“Oh-hoho.... I knew I liked you. When this is over, I can’t wait to string you up...!”

“Look, there’s Togami.” He points.

“What? Where?!” She looks instinctively. The fist reaches just up to her face before he smirks and withdraws the hand.

“...It’s still funny.” He says and keeps moving.

“That’s a dirty trick, Snow Black!”

“Eat me.”

The main lights go and the emergency ones kick in. A chill ripples through him. The sky is brighter than normal today, and it’s still daytime. He feels the breaths begin to quicken as the reddish lights spill across the hallway.

Even Genocider Syo notices his slowed pace.

“Huh? You okay? Need a nap?” She asks cheerily.

For some reason, having someone so bizarre is comforting in keeping him in reality.

“Y-Yeah... I’m fine.”

“Munakata must be looking for you. Or maybe... he’s fighting off enemies. Which way do you want to go?”

He can’t answer for a moment. The pain in his left shoulder isn’t so bad, but the blood dripping off of him is making him faint. He takes a few shaky shallow breaths.

“It’s... not real.” He says to himself. “I’m... not bleeding out. I’m not...”

“What a weirdo. Talking to yourself at a time like this. Time to keep it moving.”

She shoves him along, almost pushing him. He can hear sirens and responders coming. Help is coming. He can hold out if he needs to.

“Uh oh... All the king’s horses and all the king’s men...”

She says while he stares at the floor.

He looks up to see the floor now flooded with men in Monokuma masks. Some of them carry weapons.

It’s no good, he thinks. He’s... bleeding out. The thoughts roll out of him before he can make them stop.

_He’s gonna go away this time. I can’t reach him. I can’t... keep up._

_I’m trying but I make it so hard for him... I’m ruining his hope. This... was never how it was supposed to be. What do I do...? I’m gonna lose him. I can’t... do this. I can’t support him... can I?_

_How... is this hope? What a waste..._

_But that’s okay, isn’t it? Even if he hates me... even if he gets rid of me... even... even if he regrets ever meeting me... I want him to live..._

_Please, let me... hold on... just a little more. I’m bleeding out..._

“Hey, hey, hey! No space cadets here, thank you!”

“S... Shut up.” He begins to mutter. He can feel tears falling down his face, lost in his delusions. Tears fall as he whimpers. “I’m gonna lose him again... He’s gonna get rid of me... And... I... I... I... I just want him to be happy... Can’t I... do that, at least...?”

She looks to him seriously and jabs a pair of scissors into his hip. Pain floods his senses as she digs it out.

“What is your problem?!” He feels a flash of anger as she smiles.

“I’m helping~” She twirls her scissors in her hands. “Think of the pain and stay on your feet. It’s time to fist some guys, a gross maiden like you should be happy!”

Fighting through the shakes, he refuses to look at his hand as he moves to stand next to her.

“I... am Sakakura Juzo from Division Six of the Future Foundation. Stand down now... or...”

“Or we punch you like cruddy piñatas and see who’s got the best candy! Kyehahahaha...!!”

“Why am I always stuck in hell... with the weirdest fucking people...” He manages to say weakly before he readies his fist.

Genocider Syo moves faster than him, slicing down two men before they can move.

“Oh ho ho... co-op move!” She says and slams two scissors down nailing someone to the floor. 

Sakakura takes her lead and decks the man, smashing through the Monokuma mask and sending him sprawling, knocking him so hard he still has scissors attached to his feet. As fun as that was, he can tell he’s going to have bloody knuckles by the time this is all over. He almost smiles knowing Munakata’s going to scold him.

What a Fukawa thing to think.

“We’re like a ninja and samurai... Fighting for our beloved Masters!”

“Shut the fuck up and keep moving.” He barks at her as they move through the red dim lights. He wills himself not to look at his arm. He knows it will only make him feel worse.

He wasn’t hit, but his knuckles are numb from punching masks and his arms shake from blocking blows. But... He’d never let any of these idiots take him down. If he did, Munakata would be ashamed of him.

“Juzo!”

The voice sounds unreal to him when he hears it through the guards that storm the hospital. They’ve made it to the waiting rooms after fighting through waves of rioters.

He must look quite a sight, slicked in blood and sweat.

But Munakata isn’t faring much better on that front. His suit’s been cut in places and he’s got blood on him, although he’s not sure if it’s his own blood or not.

“Maiden delivery!” Genocider Syo laughs obnoxiously when Munakata moves closer.

The armed guards pour past them and down the halls to secure rioters.

“Juzo...”

“Sorry. I... went and bloodied my knuckles again.”

He smiles. “That’s fine. I’m... glad you’re alright.”

Sakakura laughs before moving to a crouching position. The blood loss isn’t as severe as he imagines, but it does make him dizzy. The pain fogs over his brain when he isn’t moving.

“Can... Can we switch hospitals? I... fucking hate this one.”

“You’re alright... You’ll be fine.” He says before he sees the spreading redness from his shirt. Instantly he’s taken back to... “Get the paramedics! Get them here now!”

“I was... worried about you. Even... the demon lady here was.”

“That’s right!”

“But you're okay. I'm... glad. Was... Was I useful to you?” He asks, chuckling but he's started to sway with dizziness. He can't keep the grip on his wound easily. It isn't life-threatening, he imagines, but blood dripping through white fabric must be scary. Oh... he's... scaring him.

Munakata practically pulls him up by his collar and moves him against the wall roughly. Partly it’s anger, but most of it is fear.

“Stay with me!”

“I’m... a little dizzy but... I should be... Oh, no. Shouldn’t have looked. That was a mistake.”

“Don’t... don’t go.”

“Wh...?”

“Don’t leave... I can’t...”

“H-Hey only... only one of us gets to have a delusion at a time.” He says, placing his hand on Munakata’s cheek. He feels bad that he’s left a blood smear.

“I’m so sorry...”

“Come on, not that again. We... talked about that.”

“Oh no, touching backstory! I can’t wait...!” She squeals.

“Fukawa. Get the paramedics. Now.” The way he orders makes her tingle all over.

“Yes, Vice-Master!” 

“I’m sorry. I left you alone again... I... I was trying to help. And then things... When the lights went out, I...”

"It's alright. You had things to do."

"What?"

"The nightmares... it must make it hard to even look at me. I... I get it. Sometimes you don't want to see me. Maybe that's...

"That's what? What are you trying to say?"

“It’s fine. You know I’ll follow you... And keep you safe.” He laughs weakly. “That’s my job isn’t it? Even if you abandon me, remember? I’ll... I’ll always try to save you. No matter what.”

“Don’t say that to me! Don’t you know how much that hurts?!” He slams him into the wall again out of frustration. Sakakura winces back into reality with the blood that drips down his shirt and onto the floor. Munakata hastily apologizes and moves to help him. “That’s... I'm sorry. That's not what I want from you! I don’t need your life in my service, why can’t you understand that?!”

“...” He looks away.

Munakata immediately tries to apply pressure to the wound, sniffling as his hands get bloodied.

“Before all of this, I wanted all of us to go on living... happy... I wanted to go to the movies with you and... Chisa again. To... laugh at things. To go see... To make the world more hopeful. And... And I keep hurting you...”

“You’ve never hurt me!” 

He says it like instinct. And realizes he’s wrong. Munakata has hurt him. Many times.

Oh no. He's... he's hurting him now. He can see the fatigue in Sakakura's eyes. He's... waiting for something to finally break. What does he expect he'll say? He looks like he's preparing to be hurt by whatever it is he could say.

He can't figure out the right words. He just... says everything he can think of.

“You’re always there for me. And I’d never understood your feelings because I was too stupid to realize how much I was hurting you. I only saw my vision of hope, not your pain. But I see it now. And... I want you to be happy too. And when you get hurt, it hurts me.”

“I... love you... I just do. It... It’s your job to protect the ones you love when they’re in danger. To love them... more than yourself.”

“That’s not true! If it is, it... feels wrong. It’s... I’m always selfish. You gave up everything for my vision of hope. And I... don’t deserve it.”

“Kyosuke...”

“I fell for you in the end. I know it took a while, but... But I’m trying to be worthy of you. I was always hurting you, and I didn’t know it. And now... I don’t want to hurt you like this anymore. Can’t you see how much I love you? You’re my best friend and the person I love most.”

“You shouldn’t say such out of character things. You’ll... give a guy like me the wrong idea.”

“What wrong idea?!”

“It’s not... I shouldn’t.”

“The way you are... makes me happy. I love having you by my side. I love the way you get angry and the way you’re driven. I hate when we fight, but I love how much you care. That’s why I need you.”

“I’m... always right there behind you.”

“I don’t want you there! I want you by my side, not behind me!” 

He says trying to keep the tears from clouding his vision. He presses his hands onto the wounds to apply pressure and stop the bleeding. There are more sirens approaching.

“H-Hey...”

“I didn’t see it there before. I... I didn’t. I only saw myself and... what I needed to do, or what I thought I needed to do. I’ve taken you for granted, I’ve hurt you... I’ve betrayed you... And you never turn away from me.”

“I don’t care about that! I only want you and your hope to... I want to make it easier for you. I’ve been selfish too. I felt too strongly for you. And... And... I pushed all my feelings on you.”

Munakata shakes his head.

“When you got hurt... it hurt so much, Juzo. Seeing you hurt and dying hurt so much. I can’t...”

Sakakura places his hand on Munakata’s arm with a sad teary smile. It leaves a bloody smudge on his shirt.

“I know.”

“That’s why I want to see you smile. I want to see you happy. Even when you’re hurt or sad or sick, I want you there with me, why can’t I make you understand that that there’s no hope for me without you it’s just not... not... the world I want.”

He wishes he didn’t mean it. The world he was creating, what role was there for him in it? What could he do? 

He’d given up his career, his talents, his hand... and now... what else could he have to offer? There was nothing left to him, he thought. Why would he be picked if he was no good at anything That was how things always worked.

“Kyosuke...”

“The world that I want only... only makes sense with you in it. I want you there. I want to hear you snore, and sneeze, and get mad... and yell at me when I work too hard or... I want you there.”

“S... Stop... You can’t... say things like that to me...”

“I didn’t understand it before. I know what you mean now when you say I never smiled at you like Chisa. I’ve caused you so much pain but right now, I only want to make you happy.” 

He says, a small smile on his lips. He presses harder, hoping he can help now.

“Don’t... say that...”

“I want to see you there when I wake up and there when I go to sleep, why don’t you get that it’s not worth it without you? I need you. I know I haven’t loved you the way you love me all this time, but it’s true. I do love you. I know you must be suspicious of my feelings because I... always get there late.”

“Only... Only a little.” He says with a sad chuckle.

“So please be more careful...” Munakata’s hands are shaking.

“I knew it wouldn’t be easy. But I didn’t want to make this so difficult for you.”

“Then we deal with it together!”

“Stop... just stop... it hurts when you say that... I can’t wish for that, I can’t. I’m... I’ve already gotten my wish. Anything more than that... and... I can’t... I won’t wish for that.”

“Don’t... you want me?”

“Of course I want you...but... loving you isn’t the right thing to do. I make it harder for you and it should be easy. I should... I should...”

Tears slide down his face.

“Juzo, that’s-”

“I can’t help you like she could. She... Yukizome... She loved you. She’s gone and I can’t be her, and I... I can’t give you what you need. I can’t give you a proper life with me. Or a family. That’s why you’ll get tired of me. If that’s how this ends, I don’t want it to go any further than this...”

The words hit Munakata hard when they’re said as Sakakura tries not to tremble. That’s what he’s been worried about. Because Yukizome was... And there are certain things she could do that no one else could. He hasn't been able to look at Sakakura the same way, but he knows he can get there. He knows it... But...

It is enough, Munakata thinks. It will be enough. He places a hand on Sakakura’s cheek, using the back of his hand which is still untouched by blood.

“I told you I’m not going anywhere. I already made my choice!”

“No matter what I do... I keep hurting you. I try... but I always let you down. I always make it worse somehow. I try to help. I try to make it easier and stay by your side and love you. But I’m always causing you so much trouble. And... there’s just no room for me to come in.”

“That’s not true! I... only want you.”

“You shouldn’t.” The words escape like a hiss.

“I don’t care if I should. I do. If you think I’m pushing you away, I’ll try harder. If you think there’s no place for you, I’ll do better. If you think I don’t love you you’re wrong. If you think just because I loved Chisa then I can’t love you, then you’re wrong!”

“Please... Kyosuke...”

“I want you to stay with me. I want to be with you. And I want you to love you the way I do. Because... if you weren’t there, I’d... be very sad.”

“Shut up... Just... stop... it hurts.” He speaks while shaking his head, but Munakata isn’t leaving. He isn’t turning away this time.

“I’m not a good person most of the time. But... you make me feel happy. You make me feel like I can do anything. And I realized that I want to make you feel that way too. Please don’t push me away... not because you think I’ll do it first.”

“I’m... in the way of your hope.” 

He states simply. And because he’s in the way, he makes it harder for him. Because he’s in the way, he can’t be of use to him.

“Juzo.”

“I wanted... to make it easier. But it’s always going to be like this. Me making it worse. There’s... no hope for someone... like me. That’s why I need... to step aside.”

“Sakakura Juzo, the Super High School Level Boxer. There is a place for you in my world of hope. And... it’s by my side.” Munakata’s smile is brilliant when he says the words. It feels... 

How long had he wanted to hear those words...?

“Don’t say that! I’m not good enough for that. It... hurts. Thinking of how I don’t measure up to what you need... it hurts.”

How long had he wished to hear them... He was truly loved. But... believing it? What if it wasn’t real. What if he wasn’t good enough. They weren’t rational thoughts, he knew, but his mind couldn’t help but... doubt.

"The... paramedics... are... here..." Fukawa is out of breath and covering her eyes. At some point she must've changed back to herself. She can hardly catch her breath. She'd actually run up to them as Genocider Syo, changed back, and then had to quickly try to explain the situation like a crazy person and run all the way back.

She stays quiet as they continue to speak, not sure what’s happening

“You and I need to start living for each other. When you’re not happy, I’m not happy. The way you are... I love it. You don’t need to change. That’s why, I was so happy when you smiled.”

“Don’t...”

“Because it meant I was helping you for once.”

“Stop. Please, stop.”

“I want you in my life. By my side. And I won’t stop saying it until you believe me.” Munakata speaks his words deliberately.

“You can’t spend your life with me, Kyosuke...” There’s a frantic energy to his tears. He... really can’t believe it. It feels too good to hope for.

Munakata gives a smile. It’s... not something he’d considered, at least not fully. But it is something he’s felt. Getting used to the feeling was... difficult. 

There’s a desire to keep him safe. He moves in to hug Sakakura closer, who isn’t sure what to do. The blood starts to stain his clothes. The paramedics arrive and start trying to take Sakakura away, but Munakata holds on.

“Who says? If your place is by my side, then you’ll be there. If you... want a ring or... a wedding, that’s fine. But all I know is I don’t want to be without you. And if you’re going to die for me, I at least deserve the choice to die for you too.”

At his words, Sakakura flushes weakly. Munakata can feel him shaking as he presses on his wound. The sirens are getting closer, more of them. They’re going to make it through this too.

Sakakura fights off grabbing paramedics who try to escort him away without looking. He’s making a nuisance of himself.

Hold on. Ring. Wedding. He heard that right, didn't he?

He continues to bat away paramedics who are becoming increasingly upset at his resistance.

“Are you... asking me to marry you...?”

“If... that’s what it takes. What is it that you want, Juzo?”

“I... never dared to ask for that. It’s..” By now they’re both crying. “Please... don’t.... don’t leave me. I don’t care... about the titles or... I... stay with me, please.”

The paramedics continue to try to pull them away from each other so they can be treated properly. It's a huge mess and Fukawa's there listening, but is afraid to look with all the blood around..

“I won’t. I won’t abandon you again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First, I'm absolutely continuing to write this story until the end so don't anyone panic.
> 
> The story is directly continued in "A Hopeful Waltz" as far of the "Adios, Despair!" series. The first chapter takes place about a month from the end of this chapter and will continue on from there up until... whenever.
> 
> I'm also planning on doing some Schooldays AU with Sakakura and Munakata. Because I need that in my life.
> 
> Come find me on "A Hopeful Waltz" and say hi!
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/8168953/chapters/18717976

**Author's Note:**

> https://kinkyronpa.dreamwidth.org/1278.html?thread=2814#cmt2814


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